Virus in my Head

Piled thoughts #3

ACE

You were my first, y'know?

Well, maybe you really don't know, as I just kept it to myself until now.

My first friend,

First to ever gave me a gift,

First to write me a letter,

First person that shared their secret with me,

My great love.

My first heartache.

My first for almost everything.

I still cry a 'lil bit until now whenever I think of the past.

The way you call my name,

The way you tell me about your crush,

The way you patiently teach me how to complete a rubics cube,

The way you laugh so hard at every little thing.

I don't know where it all went wrong.

Maybe I experienced 'ghosting', as what they call.

One thing I now,

It was the first day of classes

And I was not the one beside you.

I was not the one you excitedly greeted, as if I am not your favorite in the room anymore.

I thought it was just nothing.

I thought it was just a phase.

Well, maybe because I was confident that you'd still come back to me after everything.

Like you always do.

But I guess,

I overestimated myself.

We separated ways after that.

Left with regret of how I couldn't tell how much I love and care for you.

We went on different paths.

No closure,

But also no hard feelings.

I also tried to find someone new like you did.

It was tough, I confess.

I still miss you,

The old us.

When there's just the two of us.

But I am trying to move forward with just me by my side,

And I guess my new-found one.

Please tell me that you are proud of me,

Like you always used to do.

Always know that I am rooting for your happiness,

Even if I am not in the picture anymore.

I'll also try to be happy.

So please don't be guilty if you ever read this.

Because I may regret not being honest with my feelings,

But I will never hate you for leaving and hurting me.

Because you were my best friend.

My first....