WANTING A DEAD GIRL

CHAPTER TWO-MY FIRST EVERCOMPLIMENT

Lilith POV>

Sitting on the bench, watching my surroundings as if soaking the memory deep within me, I wondered why I’d never noticed the ocean as it outstretched into the sunset, making it the most visited place in Los Angeles but surprisingly today it was eerily vacant with just a few people. Staring vaguely into the horizon , the sunset cascading down on me, taking a deep breath I felt a sense of peace wishing time can halt now with this beautiful scene and me together but then my thoughts had to remind me ‘it might be your last’

I don’t know what upset me the most, whether it was Taiwan look of pity as she explained my illness or the fact that if not for the stupid lab rat experiment I’d have died without knowing I was sick and close to death. Chuckling slightly, my gaze never leaving the beautiful sunset, the mummy duck swimming with her ducklings and passer-by having their little time with their loved ones and thoughts started eating at me ‘why me? Why is it always me?, Losing my grandma was the biggest blow life gave me as she was my only support even when my parents died she was the only one who saw that i still went to school as my siblings had neglected me with my grandma never once caring for me and when my grandma died they didn’t still care saying that ‘I’m old enough now to be by myself so i should work and earn for a living or i’d starve’, i thought they were joking when they said that but as one week turned to two weeks and to a month and there were no words from them, I truly felt alone and I got used to the feeling quickly and as my school fees began pending and in my last year of university, not wanting to be a drop out as my grandma wish was for me to graduate, i began working odd jobs and till now they don’t care and won’t even care that there little sister is about to die because they never even cared to start with.

Suddenly I felt something licking my hand, and I flinched completely oblivious to the little furry dog staring at me, it bent its cute head giving me a look as if saying ‘why are you sad’, I just chuckled again trying to avoid the boring stinging pain in my chest as I hugged the cute guy and it hugged me back as if telling me ‘I love you too don’t be sad’

Suddenly a nice lady appeared looking flustered.

“I’m so sorry about luka he just gets all cuddle up with everyone”

she says with a look of sympathy as she takes the little bundle of joy into her hands, ‘oh he’s name is luka, I always wanted a dog but money issues’ I thought sadly as I watched them leave.

I’ve thought of taking myself to the hospital and treating myself but no, I’ve suffered and saved every bit of money I could before and never did anything for me, always telling myself that I had a future to work towards but looking at myself ‘dying at 23’ what future could there be, and now I sincerely don’t know if I’m relieved that i don’t have a future because I’d rather take death in two months than a foreseen miserable future like my life now but what if a miracle happens? It might but I doubt miracles work for a girl like me and wasting my last savings on treatment isn’t an option.

Well only two option remain for me; I sit here and feel sorry for myself and await death calls or I get up and actually make these remaining two months of my life the best yet, I thought as I felt a small smile tug my lips as my heart leaped a little, was it the dog or something else I really don’t know but I’m tired of feeling sorry for myself and everyone telling me what to do and act and always feeling sad and miserable and never doing what I loved cause I always thought later on I’d experience everything but seeing how I procrastinated my own happiness scared even me, I just realised I never did anything for me because I was young and struggling and that’s all I knew and I always cursed myself because of my situation when I should love myself more but I deprived myself everything like I was punishing myself for grandma dying, for my sibling neglecting me, for my lack of money and for been miserable and right then I cried, I cried not because I was dying but I cried because of how much I realised I hated myself, and how much I really wanted to do better but only realising it now when I’m about to die.

And I hugged myself, in the dusk of the sunset and I whispered ‘I’m sorry Lilith, I’m so sorry for hating you when you did nothing wrong, you are perfect and not a miserable person’ I just kept repeating it but even though my mind couldn’t believe it and my heart told me to stop saying false things, I refused, I won’t stop till both my heart and mind can truly believe it.

****

Waking up feeling lighter and less frustrated with myself, I was glad as I hadn’t felt this way in a long time and with a small smile plastered on my face, I knew today was going to be a good day.

Brushing my teeth, I really studied myself in the mirror, I see why no guy would ever approach me, I look horrible, touching my dyed black hair and seeing my whitish-blonde hair picking out from the faded dye i had used, I wondered why I was ashamed of my hair colour, mostly since I worked in cooperate and ladies where giving specific dress code and hairstyles it was best to dye it so I don’t get fired as they always misunderstood me when I say the whitish-blonde colour was my hair colour so dyeing it was the best option but not anymore, I refuse to be ashamed of my birth mother characteristics, my grandma always say I took after my mother too much that my siblings became jealous of that, and since I could remember, since grandma died they had cut ties with me and now I couldn’t give s**t about them as well. Looking at my bright ocean blue eyes, i also wore contact lens to hide people questioning gaze, I thought if I looked ordinary, I was an exemption from people’s judgement but that was lies, I’ve been called ugly/mediocre/ordinary my whole life that somehow I got used to it, but right now i refuse to be that Lilith anymore.

**

“Miss Orlando, are you sure you want to withdraw all your savings and your late grandma savings as well from the fixed accounts”

the accountant asked again as if trying to stop me from a bad decision.

“Yes, I want all the money and yes send it to my current account, as I plan on spending every last drop of it”

I said with a straight face, as the accountant looked dejected but did as he was told.

I was done saving up for a future that I didn’t have and right now I just want to enjoy my last days.

I walked out of the bank still shocked that my grandma savings and my savings was that much, 500,580 in total and the next thing on my to do list was to search up the best salon, as I scrolled through my phone I saw my sister had posted another pic again and it was her with her newly wedded husband, and this was her 6th marriage and to be honest, lucky her as I haven’t even gotten my first kiss yet, not wanting to think about it, I found the location of one of the best salons in LA and its reviews where good deciding to go, I was about hailing a cab when

“Oh hi, I was over there and I just couldn’t stop staring at you, you are so beautiful and your eyes are gorgeous”

Some girl around my age complimented me and I was stunned into silence, just staring at her like an i***t ‘no one has ever complimented me before’ I thought thinking what had changed as the only thing was i didn’t wear my contact lens anymore but i still wore my usual clothes and my hair was tied in my usual bun, So what attracted her to me then? ‘maybe my eyes’, suddenly a grateful smile wore on my lips as I thanked her ‘my first ever compliment’ I thought again.

**

2hours later>>

“Wow you are the most beautiful client I had ever worked on”

The salon lady began complimenting me over and over again, and I couldn’t hide my blush and my face was reddened deeply because of this, everyone kept saying how beautiful I looked with my long whitish-blonde hair that stretched to my waist and my beautiful ocean blue eyes, even I made myself blush cause I never knew how beautiful I looked, my fair skin looked healthy and bright, and for the first time I smiled a genuine smile cause yes this is what I wanted and I don’t regret it and even though at the back of mind the voice kept saying ‘all these doesn’t matter and I’m going to die anyway’ I just refused too acknowledge it, ‘right now I’m alive and that’s all that matters , with that I leave the salon as I have one more thing to do.

*

Walking up my ex boss’s office, I couldn’t wait to get rid of my ties to this miserable place.

“Hi miss how can I help you, welcome to Tyco enterprise”

the receptionist spoke in a lively manner and i wondered why she’s greeting me in a lively manner as she’d never glanced my direction before nor ever said a hello to me even though I greeted her a million times. I took deep breaths as I replied her

“It’s Lilith, please tell the boss I want to see him, its urgent”

I said noticing her surprised look as she stared me up and down as if sizing me up

“Like Lilith, the same ugly duckling Lilith?”

The receptionist asked again as she’s shocked about her ugly co worker transformation.

‘Is that the nickname they gave me in this office ‘Lilith the ugly duckling’ enraged I wanted to smash some heads and for the first time I really want to kill the receptionist girl, I immediately calmed down as I had once gone for therapy about this and had years of suppressing such evil fantasy.

“I just want to see the boss”

I said monotonously as I stared at her blankly

Shrugging her shoulders, she called her boss secretary and she informed me I can go in.

‘Finally’ I muttered as I walked up he’s office and reaching he’s door I knocked

“Come in”

I heard as I opened to see the boss smirking, only for shock to strike he’s face as he saw my transformation.

Sitting down comfortably, I wanted to speak but he cut me off.

“you see when i say losing something valuable can trigger one to not only look better but work better, well you can have your old job back, I know that’s why you are here and of course as a good person that I am, I would accept you back, I didn’t know you had such a face card but know that I am promoting you from that creaky office, so you can go”

he said arrogantly and dismissively as he returned back to he’s work on the table as if he had done me a favour.

Anger surge through me looking at this barbaric man, I rather my death comes now than work for him again, the old Lilith would have been grateful and kissed this man feet but that wasn’t her anymore and in the past just because no other jobs wanted to hire me, I sold my dignity and begged this man to hire me as my cv was excellent and I could work in the sales department but this man berated me and asked me to work as a cleaner, I took it as I need to pay for my food rent etc but I was bullied and maltreated, if it was not that I helped a senior sales guy and he recommended I be employed properly as I was too intelligent to be a cleaner I wouldn’t have gotten the accounting work but still I was way better than that level even I knew but my superior who was head in the department took all my glory anytime I did something to stand out and for some reason I knew he knew that I was capable but because of he’s greed and malice intent he just put me as nothing.

Looking at him, he finally raised he’s head and he raised and eyebrow

“Do you have something to say Lilith?”

he asked so unbothered as he checked he’s wristwatch

“Nothing much Mr Mitchell as I have nothing to say to you but this”

I said throwing the piece of envelope to him

“I quit Mr Mitchell and I would rather I die now than work for a miserable man in a miserable job ever again”

I said calmly standing up as I was done with everything about this place

“And where would you go miss Lilith? you think just because you changed your hair and eyes, that life would be easy? I pity you as those hungry people will devour you and you’d regret leaving this job”

Mitchell yelled as he flung the piece of paper back to Lilith, wishing why he’d help this unfortunate woman

“And who ever said, I was ever going to work again? Besides I’m too pretty to be stressed, we pretty girls are pampered and Mr Mitchell I know in your miserable life you’d never experience that, cause you too ugly both inside and out to understand”

I said mockingly as I couldn’t help but laugh at he’s distorted ugly face and quickly left before he could say more.

‘Good riddance to bad rubbish’ I thought as I stepped out of the foyer walking to the exit only to be called out

“Lilith!! Lilith!!”

Taiwan hurriedly called out as she had heard about the rumours of Lilith transformation and how she’s back to beg her job and seduce the boss but she didn’t believe that because she knew Lilith better than everyone.

‘oh its Taiwan, I really didn’t want to see her’ I thought as I faked a smile as she hugged me

“How are you feeling Lilith, after you know”

Taiwan asked in a low voice hoping I’d get her question

“It’s fine, I’ve accepted it and besides seeing you keeps reminding of it and I really don’t want to remember so I have to be going”

I said dismissively, clearly oblivious to the hurt look in her eyes as I said the truth to her

“Oh it’s OK, I’m sorry, i feel like its my fault, i just wanted you to know that I missed you and no matter what that I am here”

Taiwan said hurt and looked expectantly at her work friend

“Till I see you again ?”

Taiwan asked with a hopeful gaze

Laughing and seeing her cute eyes, i understood she was a good friend even though her gloomy self couldn’t know her better, Taiwan was always there and seeing she said ‘till I see you again’ I knew she believed I’d be fine and that’s all I needed

“Till I see you again”

I said hugging her for the last time as i turned and left the claustrophobic building, now its time to live my life and from this point on no more ‘Miss gloomy Lilith’ but only happy Lilith as time is precious and no matter what I do, it’s for me and only me, I thought with a smile as I hailed my cab home .