Between Hate and Love

Chapter 31

“You what?!” Khal stopped from his tracks. He was mad. I could tell by his expression that he didn’t like the words that I told him.

“Hindi ba dapat ako ang magsabi nu’n sa’yo?” he frustratedly asked. “Angel, you left me and you came back as if nothing happened!”

Ramdam ko ang hinagpis sa boses niya at ang hirap ng paghinga niya habang sinusubukan niyang manatiling tumingin sa akin ng diretso. It was the first time that I heard him say my name, and it hurts me.

There was only a feeling of despair in the way that he told my name…

I would admit, I was shocked.

“You don’t know what I’ve been through for the past five years, Angel! Trust me, I wanted to work things out between us, but you opted to leave me.”

I was puzzled. He was hurt, I know that. I was wondering why he bursted out saying those words.

“I’m here to listen, Khal…” I told him. Mukhang gulong-gulo rin siya at nahihirapan siya na unawain kung ano nga ba ang tumatakbo sa utak niya.

All the things that I wanted to tell him disappeared. I didn’t know how to approach him or if he needed to be consoled. Ang alam ko lang ay may matinding pakiramdam siya na hindi niya masabi sa akin.

His eyes… I stared at his black, plain, yet soulful iris and recognized a feeling in there. His eyes were bloodshot and his hands were in a fist.

“I brought you here because I was expecting a time with you. I was helping you to get back with me. How’s that?” Khal stated almost unbelievable. “Sarah wasn’t supposed to be here, it was supposed to be just us. But I thought, maybe through this I can tell you that we’re nothing. But then, I saw you with your ex… Your damn ex, Angel!” Khal continued.

Hindi ako nakasagot. I couldn’t believe him. “What?”

Khal brushed his hair in frustration and looked away. “It’s so unfair, Angel. You, doing a few things for me, could instantly make all the pain I accumulated for the past five years. Ni hindi pa nga todo na effort mula sa’yo, pero tumitiklop na ako kaagad. I was willing…” Khal held both of his hands on his waist. “Hindi ka nga marunong manuyo hanggang ngayon,” mahinang bulong niya.

“What?”

Khal’s blurting out instantly made my eyes widened.

“What? Hindi ka naman talaga marunong manuyo hanggang ngayon. All you did was enter the company, with the help of Hendrix. And then you tried to talk with me, and that was it.”

My forehead creased. “Hey! I did everything you asked for. I was perfectly doing my job to please you. You asked me to forget the Khal that I know and I did that… I tried… I tried by being with you and dealing with you first thing soon as I came back,” I answered.

Khal shrugged. “Then River came and your world seemed to turn upside down immediately. And you forgot about me already. Didn’t you?”

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa assumptions ni Khal. “What?!” my voice was raised and I was certain of it. Ilang tao rin kasi ang napalingon sa amin, nagtataka kung ano ang nangyayari. “Ikaw pa talaga ang may gana na sabihin ‘yan? When in fact, you are the one that is kissing with Sarah!”

Khal’s eyes widened.

“Yes! I saw you too! Kaya pinapaalis mo na ako kasi gusto mo na ng alone time with Sarah. Kunwari ka pa na you arranged this business trip for us, but that’s just a lie!”

Khal closed the distance between us. “You know how I hate lying and I never lie.I have never lied to you and you know that.”

I pursed my lips.

Ako naman ang hindi makatingin sa kanya ngayon.

Ilang segundo kami nanatili sa awkward na posisyon namin, bago siya nagsalita. “I was here to explain to you about Sarah… But I had second thoughts, because why should I do it, Angel? Then I remembered River, and he was probably here because of you and if I won’t do anything, you’re gonna turn to him.” Khal’s voice became lower and lower until he finished his sentence like he was whispering.

My initial movement made me pull him into a tight hug. I let it all out and cried and cried until my tears mixed up with my saliva and I swear it wasn’t great. But Khal was hugging me too and he was kissing the top of my head…

There it was… my Khal.

“You left me,” he muttered.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I said it over and over again, and sought comfort in his arms. It wasn’t what I expect to happen, but I was glad that it was what happened.

“I sent Sarah home. I already asked for someone to pick her up and I replied to Mr. Sangson’s e-mail.”

I nodded.

It was calming to hug him and to have him close to me. The sunset approached and all I could feel was it’s warmness and the warmness of Khal’s body against mine.

“Nagpapasundo rin ako kay Venera,” pagsusumbong ko kay Khal. “She knows everything… and she probably hates you now.”

Khal shrugged. “I don’t care. Just please tell me you’re not with River.”

I shook my head. “Of course, I am not.”

Khal picked up the souvenirs that was thrown away. We walked to the hotel together in silence. He then asked someone to get my lagguages and brought it to his room.

“Why?” I asked with a raised brow.

“Why not?” he answered back.

“Put it back in the other room,” mungkahi ko. We were still not fine… I was certain of that. And I still hadn’t explained him everything that happened back then. Hindi rin ako sigurado kung tatanggapin niya ba ang rason ko. Of course, I had my reasons why I left, but it might not be enough for him.

Kailangan namin mag-usap nang mas maayos at masinsinan. “Let’s talk first, then you decide if you still want me back….” mahinang usal ko.

Khal could feel the gravity of my sincerity. Our love had been strong back then, and perhaps it remained unchanged to this day. Yet, there was a truth he needed to understand, a revelation that weighed heavily on my conscience. Only after disclosing it could I fully embrace being with him, unburdened by guilt.