Chapter 23
2180 Words
“What?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you actually mean that?”
“Why so sudden?”
The four of them bombarded me with questions with their very confused face. I know that what I said shock them all because they witnessed how much I love Silas, and how much I am willing to sacrifice just for us to be together.
Looking back, I was so sure that he and I will be together forever, or at least until we grow old and die. I already pictured our life together, our house, our children, our anniversaries, our late-night talks and every normal thing that we can finally do. I can see them all. And I must admit that I can still see them now.
But together with the images of us being happy, of us being family, are the images of other people hurting and crying. Now, I can also see my friends suffering in the background.
Before, all I can hear is our giggles and our laughs. Now, that is being jaded by cries and agony. And I ask myself, will I still be happy when there are people who are suffering because of my happiness? Will Silas deserve my half-ass love? Commitment?
No.
They don’t deserve that. So, despite this being cliché and old school, I think that the best solution is to choose the option that would hurt less people. To save more.
“Erina? Are you sure about that?”
Kesha pulled me out of my thoughts as she spoke with concern in her voice.
“Uh-huh. I’m sure,” I answered nonchalantly like the topic was not even important to me. This is where I’m good at, pretending that everything is okay. And most of the time, I am able to fool other people. I just hope that the girls would believe even this time.
“Erina……. I think that you should still think this through,” Raqi said. I glance at her and I saw pain in her expression.
Is she regretting her decision? She chose her career too, right? Did she think it was a mistake?
“It’s not like we’ve been together for long,” I masked my pain with a laugh. “I’m sure he’ll understand.”
“But--”
Sassy was about to say anything when I stood up to put my plate in the sink. “You need to hurry! You’ll all be late for work,” I cheerfully said as I make my way into the bedroom.
I was strumming my guitar when the girls kissed me on the cheek one by one. “We’ll see you later,” Leina smiled.
When I was finally alone, I went to the living room to play with Simba.
“I miss your dad so much,” I caressed the cat’s fluffy fur.
“Do you think he missed me too?” I laughed when the cat purred.
“Can you understand me? Hmm?”
I played with Simba for almost an hour. I was rubbing his belly when I heard the doorbell rang.
“Who might be that?” I look at the cat who stared back at me.
“Maybe the girls forgot something, huh?” I carried Simba and put him in his bed near the center table. I walked nonchalantly thinking that the girls don’t need to ring the bell because they have keys so who might that be? Oh! maybe Sir Leo.
“What? You visited me yesterday, you miss me tha--”
I stopped mid-sentence as I saw the man in front of me.
“Yes, I miss you that much,” Silas said with longing visible in his eyes. He said that with conviction in his voice but the dark circles under his eyes says otherwise.
“What are you doing here?”
I asked him to refuse to look directly in his eyes.
“I want to see yo--”
“No! You can’t be here! You are not allowed here!”
“I just want to talk, Erina. I wouldn’t be here if you just answer my calls.”
“I can’t.”
“What do you mean?”
“I just can’t Silas! I can’t talk to you and quite frankly, I don’t want to!”
“What?”
“You can’t be here! You need to go!”
“Can we please talk--”
“No! Just go…...please Silas,” I begged him while looking at his eyes.
He tried holding my hand, but I refused and push him towards his car. “Please….”
He stopped trying to hold my hand, so I thought that he would finally go. But I was surprised when he suddenly pulled me in a hug.
“I miss you……so much,” it broke my heart how I heard his voice c***k.
Is he crying? Are you crying, honey? Please don’t……...you’re breaking my heart.
“Go,” I weakly said but I don’t have the strength to push him now. I felt so fragile in his arms.
“Please…… I just want to hug you so bad,” he said weakly. Now I’m sure. He’s really crying.
We were standing there in the middle of the heat, hugging. But I felt contended, and somehow happy. I closed my eyes trying to block out the surroundings and just focusing on Silas’ hugs. But when I opened my eyes, a flash caught my eyes. Straight ahead, in a bush was a man wearing a cap is holding a professional camera. That woke me up from this trance.
“Just go! Are you dumb? Can’t you understand what I’m saying? Just f*****g go!”
I pushed him with all my might. Finally, his hug loosened and from there, I didn’t wait for him and just went straight inside the house.
As I stand behind the door, my tears burst immensely. After a few minutes, I heard his car which means that’s he’s finally going to go.
The next few days were spent just me mopping around. Silas still text and calls me every day, so I just turned off my phone to avoid seeing his name. Sir Leo visits me regularly too, and with him are flowers and sometimes food from Silas.
Leo has asked me many times about what’s going on between me and Silas, but I still refused to answer. Every close friend from the company knows that I was prohibited by the management to meet or talk with Silas. And all of them are confused as to why I am agreeing to the bosses.
And I can’t tell them the truth. And it’s killing me. It’s suffocating me. Every time Silas tries to talk to me, it grips my heart. And most of the times, I thought of giving up. I thought of telling him the truth. To just think of myself, of my happiness.
But how do you do that? How am I supposed to do that? I tried. I really do. But why is everything so hard? Why am I under the wheels again? why am I always the one suffering? Why can’t I live a happy life? Why is the world so unfair?
“Erina? Earth to Erina?”
I was pulled out of my deep thoughts by Sir Leo’s voice.
“Aren’t you happy?”
“H-Huh?” I was confused. Did he say something? Because my mind was jut going places a while ago and if he did say something, then I didn’t understand or even hear any of it.
“They’re finally letting you go to the company. You can get out of this house.”
“Oh, really?” I saw how Sir Leo’s excited face turn into a sour one. I can’t blame him. For someone who was locked in this house for a month, I am in no where excited to finally go out again.
I mean so what? So, what if I can go out? They won’t let me go to places I want to go. They’re just expanding my cage.
The next day, I went to the company with the girls. For the first time in a long time, we were complete in the short car drive from the house to the H&H building.
“Should we celebrate this?” Leina asked.
“You don’t have to. You’re too busy to even sleep,” I answered.
The girls went to the studio while I was told to go straight the conference room. When I opened the door, the twins and Diane are there.
This would be a long day……...
“Sit,” Hades said as he motioned me to the chair in front of them. They were sitting on the other side of the table.
“What is this about? I’m not talking to Silas and I did not tell anyone about anything that we’ve talked about. I’m keeping silent, so what is this all about?” I asked with no expression in my face.
I’m tired with all their bullshits. I’m tired of all their whims. They ordered me to void all my emotions. So here I am.
“That’s the problem, you’re keeping quiet,” Haze said.
“What the f**k do you mean?” I couldn’t help but to stand up from my sit. They’re freaking annoying.
“Calm the f**k down Ms. Lee,” Diane said with her eyebrows raised like a b***h she truly is.
“How the f**k am I going to calm down when all of you loves f*****g me all over? Aren’t you tired of being evil?”
“Huh,” I heard devil Hades’ evil laugh. “You really got guts, huh? But that won’t work on me. Now sit down and listen to what we’re about to say.”
“Whatever. Just make it fast because your faces make me really uneasy. It makes me want to puke,” I said with pure hatred in my voice which made Diane’s smug face turn into sour.
“The day after tomorrow, you’ll have an exclusive interview. It will be done here in the company, with hosts from our company and questions polished by our company too,” Haze said.
“Yeah, yeah…. Enough with the company shits. Why do I need to do that interview, anyway? The general public has still differing opinions about my relationship with Silas so I don’t think an interview will be any good.”
“The interview will focus on your relationship with Silas,” Diane explained.
“Okay, wait…. You’re being confusing here.”
“We need you to deny your relationship with Silas.”
“We’ve already talked about this! I said I can’t do that! He already confirmed our relationship, I’ll make him look like a fool if I do what you’re telling me to do!”
“Then that’s his f*****g problem! His own entertainment company was against the idea too, so he did it all on his own! He should own up to his own mistakes,” Hades as he too stood up from his seat.
“Mistake?” I can’t help but chuckle dryly at these three ridiculous people in front of me. “Mistake? Our relationship was never a mistake! It was your greed that is making everything hard! What is it with my relationship that ticks you off? I am a f*****g singer! I can f*****g sing with or without a boyfriend.”
“Here we are again Erina……. Can’t you just admit defeat? You have no choice here. You either do this or we let the public know about Raqi and Sassy’s deep secrets. It makes me laugh how you’re trying so hard,” Diane smugly said.
“I’d give everything to get back at all of you…… I swear to god and all the deities you can call.”
“Dream on…... dream on Erina,” the last words I heard before everything went blank.
Maybe from exhaustion. Or maybe I just want to give up.
- Writer
