Weight of guilt
1110 Words
Desmond's POV
Guilt, regrets and longing
I froze in shock, my mouth widening open as I took in the unexpected scenery before me.
I was overwhelmed when I saw Eleanor and my grandfather chatting happily in the living room.
With shock written all over my face, I composed myself and stepped into the room to greet my grandfather with a warm smile but he ignored me, and gave me an icy glare.
A pang of excitement and admiration stirred in me, and I couldn't help but feel that familiar spark that has always been there for Ele.
But as I watched Eleanor and Pa chat, a sense of longing and that of what could've been stirred in me.
I was mesmerized by how Grandpa and Eleanor shared a lovely, warm laughter that could be seen amongst people with years of love and familiarity.
For a moment, my eyes flickered with the imagination of Eleanor, Pa and I and maybe our children, as an imperfect family.
My fantasy was short-lived, as a cold harsh reality slapped me back to the present.
Eleanor and I were divorce and she's no longer mine.
I had to compete with her admirers, to win her back.
The truth cut deep, “Eleanor is no longer my wife and she's no longer my family,but I couldn't accept this and my inner demons howled in protest.
I sat there frozen as I watched Eleanor feed grandpa with cookies as they played cheerfully with each other, a sign that I wasn't a part of them.
Grandpa's infectious giggles filled the room, his eyes which were sparkling with excitement turned cold and chilly when he stared at me.
I understood Pa's displeasure at me since my divorce with Eleanor and have been at cold war for the past years with Grandpa blaming himself for forcing Ele, to end up with a tramp like me.
I was not surprised at his attitude towards me, as Grandpa has been doing much nagging and ghosting for the past years but it only reminded me of my past mistakes.
“Ahem…,” I cleared my throat to get their attention which they acknowledged as the duo looked at me with a piercing gaze.
Grandfather gave me a stern look that carried a hint of a warning in it with the “don't even think about it, boy,” look.
“Welcome Eleanor and thank you for taking out time to visit grandfather,”I said softly.
“It's always a pleasure to visit the old patriarch of the Martinez family.
He has always been nice to me and I have to reason not to pay him a visit,” Eleanor responded casually without sparing me a glance.
Her statement stirred up bad memories of our past.
“Ele, can you please forgive me for my past mistakes?” I stammered.
“President Martinez, as I told you earlier, I hold no grudge towards you. If I did, I wouldn't be here.” Eleanor answered.
“I want….” I stopped halfway as grandfather's cold gaze stopped me from talking.
I kept mute as I thought of a way to win back Eleanor, and I could only do that by bribing my way into grandfather's heart.
A smirk crept on my face at the thought of this as I looked at the duo playing lovey-dovey, rubbing it off my face.
I decided to stay mute while waiting for an opportunity to come.
Eleanor's visit to the mansion was unexpected and something that took us all unawares.
My mom and other close relatives were not so free seeing Eleanor around.
The fact that Eleanor came back to the country, refined, was enough to intimidate us all.
Grandpa had been the only one who treated Eleanor with respect and dignity while she was married to me and she had all the reasons not to care about any other person.
I was so impressed by how she speaks. Eleanor has become so knowledgeable and with influence and authority over the years of our separation unlike the old Eleanor who was so timid and shy who had no social backing.
Walking over to the dining, I picked up the special invitation from the bar and went back to the living room.
I had kept a few of those invite cards in the bar, in a situation like this, where I had to give out the invite to a prestigious person.
“Ahem….” I stylishly bought their attention as grandpa gave me a stern gaze while Eleanor looked at me with her deer eyes like a hawk.
Not minding my grandfather's threatening stare, I took a seat closer to Eleanor and handed the invite to her.
“Eleanor, you're welcome to grandpa's birthday banquet tomorrow,” I said.
I looked at my grandfather with a smirk as guilt spread on his face.
“Grandpa, don't tell me, you didn't invite your favorite Eleanor to your birthday banquet?,” I looked at him perplexed, ceasing the opportunity to act as a saviour.
“Nonsense!” Grandfather's voice shook violently as it echoed in the room.
“Eleanor dear, You're always welcome to my party or home anytime. You don't even need an invite to attend my gathering,” pa refuted.
A smile widened on Eleanor's face as she hugged Pa and whispered softly, “I know, Pa, with a gentle smile on her face.”
Seeing my grandfather's grin widened, I realized that I had just shot myself with an arrow.
“Damn this old man!” I cursed watching him mouthed, “Be careful boy!” with a grin of satisfaction on his face as he threatened me.
To win Eleanor back, I knew I had to get my grandfather's approval.
After hours of talking and chatting with each other, Eleanor took her leave.
Grandfather was so hesitant to let her go, as a result Eleanor had to promise to drop by to visit the old man frequently.
Immediately we stepped into the living room, Grandpa's stern gaze made me freeze at the spot as he questioned.
“What do you think you're up to?” Grandpa asked.
“Grand pa, I know I messed up in the past but I've realized how important Eleanor is to me and I want her back”.
“Want her back?” Pa inquired.
“Yes Pa,” I responded as I moved to beg him.
“You've lost,Son, grandpa parted my back.
“Ele has a partner now! And don't cause any troubles for her. She deserves to be happy,” Grandpa said, leaving me to my own sorrows.
- Writer
