CHAPTER ONE: ERIKA
HE WON’T BE HERE
There’d be no reason for him to show up at his brother’s farewell party,
since they couldn’t stand each other, so…
No, he won’ t be here.
Pushing up the sleeves of my lightweight sweater, I hurried through the
front door of the Crist house and speed-walked across the foyer, heading
straight for the stairs.
Out of the corner of my eye, I spied the butler rounding the corner, but I
didn’t stop.
“Miss Fane!” he shouted after me. “You’re very late.”
“Yes, I know.”
“Mrs. Crist has been looking for you,” he pointed out.
I shot up my eyebrows and immediately stopped, turning around to peer
at him over the railing.
“Has she really?” I eyed him with mock astonishment.
He thinned his lips, annoyed. “Well, she sent me to look for you.”
I broke out in a smile and leaned over the bannister, planting a quick
kiss on his forehead.
“Well, I’m here,” I assured him. “You can get back to your important
duties now.
turned and continued up the stairs, hearing the soft music coming from
the party out on the terrace.
Yeah, I highly doubted Delia Crist, my mother’s best friend and the
matriarch of Thunder Bay, our small East Coast community, was spending
her precious time looking for me herself.
“Your dress is on your bed!” he called after me as I walked around the
corner.
I exhaled an aggravated sigh and powered down the dimly lit hallway,
grumbling under my breath, “Thank you, Edward.”
I didn’t need a new dress. I already had several I’d only worn once, and
at nineteen, I could definitely pick out my own clothes. Not that he would
be here to see it anyway, and if he was, he wouldn’t look at me.
No. I should be grateful. Mrs. Crist thought of me, and it was nice of her
to make sure I’d have a dress to wear.
A light spatter of sand covered my legs and feet, and I reached down to
grip the ends of my loose jean shorts, inventorying exactly how wet I’d
gotten down at the beach. Would I need a shower?
No, I was already late. Screw it.
Diving into my room—the one the Crists’ let me have for when I stayed
the night—I spotted a sexy, white cocktail dress lying on the bed, and I
immediately began stripping.
The thin spaghetti straps did almost nothing to hold up my breasts, but it
fit perfectly, molding to my body, and it made my skin look darker than it
was. Mrs. Crist had awesome taste, and it was probably a good thing that
she’d gotten me the dress, after all. I’d been too busy preparing to leave for
school tomorrow to bother with what to wear tonight.
Dashing into the bathroom, I rinsed my calves and feet of the sand I’d
picked up on my walk, and I quickly brushed out my long, blonde hair andapplied a little lip gloss. I scurried back into the bedroom, grabbed the tan
strappy heels she’d left by the dress, and ran back into the hallway and
down the stairs.
Twelve hours to go.
My heart pumped harder and harder as I jogged through the foyer and
toward the back of the house. This time tomorrow I’d be completely on my
own—no mother, no Crists, no memories...
And most of all, I wouldn’t have to wonder, hope, or dread that I’d see
him. Or teeter on the edges of elation and agony when I did. Nope. I’d be
able to hold out my arms and spin in a circle and not touch a single person I
knew. Heat flowed through my chest, and I didn’t know if it was fear or
excitement, but I was ready.
Ready to leave it all behind. At least for a little while.
Veering to the right, I bypassed the kitchens—one for everyday use and
another adjacent to it for caterers—as I headed for the solarium at the side
of the large house. Opening the double doors, I stepped into the massive,
ceramic-tiled garden room, the walls and ceiling made entirely of glass, and
instantly felt the rise in temperature. The thick, wet heat soaked through the
fabric of my dress, making it melt to my body.
Trees rose above and all around me in the quiet, dark room, lit only by
the moonlight pouring in through the windows overhead. I inhaled the
sweet smell of the palms, orchids, lilies, violets, and hibiscus, reminding me
of my mother’s closet and all the perfumes from her coats and scarves
blending together in one space.
I turned left, stopping at the glass doors leading to the terrace and
slipped into my heels as I gazed out at the crowd.
Twelve hours.And then I straightened, reaching up, grabbing a handful of hair, and
bringing it over my shoulder to cover the left side of my neck. Unlike his
brother, Trevor would definitely be here tonight, and he didn’t like to see
my scar.
“Miss?” a waiter said as he stepped up with a tray.
I smiled, taking one of the highball glasses that I knew was a Tom
Collins. “Thank you.”
The lemon-colored drink was Mr. and Mrs. Crist’s favorite, so they
insisted that the servers circulate it.
The waiter disappeared, moving on to the many other guests, but I
stayed rooted, letting my eyes drift around the party.
Leaves fluttered on their branches, the calm breeze still holding
remnants of the day’s heat, and I surveyed the crowd, all dressed in their
casual cocktail dresses and suit jackets.
So perfect. So clean.
The lights in the trees and the servers in their white waistcoats. The
crystal-blue pool adorned with floating candles. The glittering jewels of the
ladies’ rings and necklaces that caught the light.
Everything was so polished, and when I looked around at all the adults
and families I grew up with, their money and designer clothes, I often saw a
coat of paint that you apply when you’re trying to cover up rotting wood.
There were dark deeds and bad seeds, but who cared if the house was
falling apart as long as it was pretty, right?
The scent of the food lingered in the air accompanied by the soft music
of the string quartet, and I wondered if I should find Mrs. Crist and let her
know I’d arrived or find Trevor, since the party was in his honor, after all.
But instead I tightened my fingers around my glass, my pulse
quickening as I tried to resist the urge to do what I really wanted to do.What I always wanted to do.
To look for him.
But no, he wouldn’t be here. He probably wouldn’t be here.
He might be here.
My heart started thumping, and my neck heated. And, against my own
will, my eyes started to drift. Around the party and over the faces,
searching…
Michael.
I hadn’t seen him in months, but the pull was everywhere, especially in
Thunder Bay. In the pictures his mother kept around this house, in his scent
that drifted into the hallway from his old bedroom…
He might be here.
“Rika.”
I blinked, jerking my head to the left, hearing Trevor call my name.
He walked out of the crowd, his blond hair freshly cut close to the scalp,
his dark blue eyes looking impatient, and his stride determined. “Hey, baby.
I was starting to think you weren’t coming.”
I hesitated, feeling my stomach tighten. But then I forced a smile as he
stepped up to me in the doorway of the solarium.
Twelve hours.
He slipped a hand around the right side of my neck—never the left side
—and rubbed his thumb across my cheek, his body flush with mine.
I turned my head, shifting uncomfortably. “Trevor—”
“I didn’t know what I was going to do if you didn’t show up tonight,” he
cut in. “Throw rocks at your window, serenade you, maybe bring you
flowers, candy, a new car…”
“I have a new car.”
“I mean a real car.” He finally grinned.I rolled my eyes and pulled out of his hold. At least he was joking with
me again, even if it was just to dis my brand new Tesla. Apparently electric
cars weren’t real cars, but hey, I could take the dig if it meant he was finally
over making me feel like s**t about everything else.
Trevor Crist and I had been friends since birth, gone to school with each
other our entire lives, and were always thrown together by our parents as if
a relationship were inevitable. And last year, I finally gave in to it.
We dated almost our entire first year in college, attending Brown
together—or actually, I applied to Brown, and he followed—but it ended in
May.
Or I ended it in May.
It was my fault I didn’t love him. It was my fault I didn’t want to give it
more time. It was my fault I decided to transfer schools to a city where he
wouldn’t follow.
It was also my fault he gave in to his father’s demand to transfer, as
well, and finally attend Annapolis, and it was my fault I was disrupting our
families.
It was my fault I needed space.
I let out a breath, forcing my muscles to relax. Twelve hours.
Trevor smiled at me, his eyes heating as he took my hand and led me
back into the solarium. He pulled me behind the glass, holding me close by
the hips and whispering in my ear, “You look gorgeous.”
But I pulled away again, giving us a few inches of space. “You look
good, too.”
He looked like his father, with his sandy-blond hair, narrow jaw, and
that smile that could make almost anyone putty in his hands. He also
dressed like Mr. Crist, looking polished in his midnight-blue suit, whiteshirt, and silver tie. So clean. So perfect. Trevor did everything within the
lines.
“I don’t want you going to Meridian City,” he said, narrowing his eyes
on me. “You won’t have anyone there, Rika. At least I was at Brown with
you, and Noah was less than an hour away in Boston. You had friends close
by.”
Yeah. Close.
Which is exactly why I needed something different. I’d never had to
leave the security of the people around me. There was always someone—
parents, Trevor, my friend, Noah—to pick me up when I fell. Even when I
went off to college and gave up the comfort of having my mother and the
Crists close by, Trevor had still followed me. And then I had friends from
high school going to universities close by. It was like nothing had changed.
I wanted to get into a little trouble. I wanted to catch some rain, find
something that made my heart pump again, and I wanted to know what it
was like to not have anyone to grab onto.
I’d tried to explain it to him, but every time I opened my mouth, I
couldn’t find the right words. Out loud it sounded selfish and ungrateful,
but inside…
I needed to know what I was made of. I needed to know if I had a leg to
stand on without the umbrella of my family name, the support of others
having my back, or Trevor’s constant hovering. If I went to a new city, with
new people who didn’t know my family, would they even give me the time
of day? Would they even like me?
I wasn’t happy at Brown or with Trevor, and even though the decision to
move on was hard and disappointing to those around me, it was what I
wanted.
Own who you are.My heart fluttered, remembering Trevor’s brother’s words. I could
barely wait. Twelve more hours…
“But then again, I guess that’s not really true, is it?” he asked, an
accusing tone in his voice. “Michael plays for the Storm, so he’ll be close to
you now.”
I hooded my eyes, taking in a deep breath as I set down my drink. “With
a population of over two million people, I doubt I’ll run into him often.”
“Unless you look for him.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, holding Trevor’s eyes and refusing to
let him engage me in this conversation.
Michael Crist was Trevor’s brother. A little older, a little taller, and a lot
more intimidating. They were almost nothing alike, and they hated each
other. Trevor’s jealousy of him had been there ever since I could remember.
Michael had just graduated from Westgate University, being snatched up
by the NBA almost immediately afterward. He played for the Meridian City
Storm, one of the top teams in the NBA, so yes, I would know one person
in the city.
Lot of good it would do me, though. Michael barely ever looked at me,
and when he spoke to me his tone was no better than if he were speaking to
a dog. I wasn’t planning on putting myself in his path.
No, I’d learned my lesson a long time ago.
Being in Meridian City had nothing to do with Michael anyway. It was
closer to home, so I could visit my mother more often, but it was also the
one place Trevor wouldn’t go. He hated large cities, and he loathed his
brother even more.
“I’m sorry,” Trevor said more gently. He took my hand and pulled me
in, sliding a hand around the back of my neck again. “I just love you, and I
hate this. We belong together, Rika. It’s always been us.”Us? No.
Trevor didn’t make my heart pump so hard that I felt like I was on a
damn roller coaster. He wasn’t in my dreams, and he wasn’t the first person
I thought about when I woke up.
He didn’t haunt me.
I tucked my hair behind my ear, noticing his gaze briefly flash to my
neck. He quickly averted his eyes as if he didn’t see it. The scar made me
less than perfect, I guess.
“Come on,” he urged, dipping his forehead to mine and gripping my
waist. “I’m good to you, aren’t I? I’m nice, and I’m always here for you.”
“Trevor,” I argued, trying to twist out of his hold.
But then his mouth came down on mine, the scent of his cologne
burning my nostrils as his arms wrapped around my waist.
I pressed my fists into his chest, pushing at him and tearing my mouth
away.
“Trevor,” I growled low. “Stop it.”
“I give you everything you need,” he fought, his voice turning angry as
he dived into my neck. “You know it’s going to be us.”
“Trevor!” I tensed every muscle in my arms and pressed against his
body, finally pushing him off. He dropped his hands and stumbled back a
step.
I immediately backed away, my hands shaking.
“Rika.” He reached for me, but I steeled my spine, backing away again.
He dropped his hand, shaking his head. “Fine,” he bit out, sneering. “Go
to school then. Make new friends and leave everything here behind all you
want, but your demons will still follow you. There’s no escaping them.”
He ran his fingers through his hair, glaring at me as he straightened his
tie and walked around me out the doorway.I stared out the windows after him, anger building in my chest. What the
hell did that mean? There was nothing holding me down and nothing I was
trying to escape. I just wanted freedom.
I backed away from the door, unable to go back outside. I didn’t want to
disappoint Mrs. Crist by sneaking out on her son’s party, but I no longer
wanted to spend my last hours here. I wanted to be with my mom.
I twisted around, ready to leave, but then I looked up and instantly
stopped.
My stomach flipped, and I couldn’t breathe.
Shit.
Michael sat in one of the cushioned chairs all the way at the back of the
solarium, his eyes locked on mine, looking eerily calm.
Michael. The one that wasn’t nice. The one that wasn’t good to me.
My throat thickened, and I wanted to swallow, but I couldn’t move. I
just stared, paralyzed. Had he been there since I first walked down? The
whole time?
He leaned back in his heavy armchair, nearly shrouded by the darkness
and the shadows of the trees overhead. One hand rested on a basketball that
sat on top of his thigh, and the other hand lay on the armrest, the neck of a
beer bottle hanging from his fingers.
My heart started to pound so hard it hurt. What was he doing?
He raised the bottle to his lips, still watching me, and I dropped my eyes
for a split-second, embarrassment heating my cheeks.
He’d seen the whole episode with Trevor. Dammit.
I looked up again, seeing his light brown hair that was styled to look
like he should be on the cover of a magazine, and his hazel eyes, that
always looked like cider with flecks of spice. They seemed darker than they
actually were, hidden in the shadows, but they pierced me under straightbrows that slanted inward, making him look just as formidable as he was.
His full lips held no hint of a smile, and his tall frame nearly consumed his
chair.
He wore black pants with a black suit jacket, and his white shirt was
open at the collar. No tie, because, as usual, he did what he wanted.
And that’s all anyone could ever go on with Michael. How he appeared.
How he looked. I didn’t think his parents even knew what was happening
behind those eyes.
I watched him rise out of his chair and drop the basketball into the seat,
keeping his eyes on me as he walked over.
The closer he got, the taller his six feet four inches looked. Michael was
lean but muscular, and he made me feel small. In many ways. He looked
like he was walking straight for me, and my heart hammered in my chest as
I narrowed my eyes, bracing myself.
But he didn’t stop.
The faint hint of his body wash hit me as he passed by, and I turned my
head, my chest aching as he walked out the solarium doors without a word.
I folded my lips between my teeth, fighting the burn in my eyes.
One night, he’d noticed me. One night, three years ago, Michael saw
something in me and liked it. And just when the fire was starting to k****e,
ready to flare and burst apart in a flood of flames, it folded. It tucked its
rage and heat away and contained it.
I shot off, heading back into the house, through the foyer, and out the
front door, anger and frustration chewing at every nerve in my body as I
headed to my car.
Other than that one night, he’d ignored me most of my life, and when he
did speak to me, it was clipped.I swallowed the lump in my throat and climbed into my car. I hoped I
wouldn’t see him in Meridian City. I hoped we never crossed paths and I
never had to hear about him.
I wondered if he even knew I was moving there. It didn’t matter,
though. Even in the same house, I may as well be on a different planet than
him.
Starting the car, 37 Stitches by Drowning Pool poured through the
speakers, and I accelerated down the long driveway, pushing the clicker to
open the gate. I sped out onto the road. My house was only a few minutes
away and an easy walk I’d made many times in my life.
I forced deep breaths, trying to calm down. Twelve hours. Tomorrow I’d
leave everything behind.
The high stone walls of the Crist estate ended, giving way to trees lining
the road. And within less than a minute, the gas lamp posts of my home
appeared, lighting the night. Veering left, I clicked another button on my
visor and inched my Tesla through the gate, seeing the outside lamps cast a
soft glow around the circular driveway with a large marble fountain sitting
in the center.
Parking my car in front of the house, I hurried to my front door, just
wanting to crawl in bed until it was tomorrow.
But then I glanced up, doing a double-take at seeing a candle burning in
my bedroom window.
What?
I hadn’t been home since late this morning. And I certainly hadn’t left a
candle burning. It was ivory-colored and sitting in a glass hurricane
candleholder.
Walking to the front door, I unlocked it and stepped inside.
“Mom?” I called out.She had texted earlier, saying she was going to bed, but it wasn’t
unusual for her to have trouble sleeping. She might still be up.
The familiar scent of lilacs drifted through my nose from the fresh
flowers she kept in the house, and I looked around the large foyer, the white
marble floor appearing gray in the darkness.
I leaned against the stairs, looking up the flights into the three stories of
eerie silence above. “Mom?” I called out again.
Rounding the white bannister, I jogged up the stairs to the second floor
and turned left, my footsteps going silent as they fell on the ivory-and-blue
rugs covering the hardwood floors.
Opening my mother’s door slowly, I crept in, seeing the room in near
darkness except for the bathroom light she always left on. Walking over to
her bed, I craned my neck, trying to see her face, which was turned toward
the windows.
Her blonde hair lay across her pillow, and I reached out my hand,
smoothing it away from her face.
The rise and fall of her body told me she was asleep, and I glanced to
her nightstand, seeing the half-dozen pill bottles and wondering what she’d
taken and how much.
I looked back down at her and frowned.
Doctors, in-home rehab, th