Double Stand-ins

To win over Gavin, I got up at six every morning to buy him breakfast, delivered drinks to him at ten, and at twelve, I would have lunch ready and wait for him at the cafeteria. Day after day, he finally agreed to be with me. Everyone around knew I was Gavin's doormat, and I was head over heels for him. Yet, I broke up with him on his birthday. The first time I met Gavin was at the entrance of a café. It was a heavy rain that day, and I stood at the café entrance, unable to contact anyone because my phone was dead. Watching couples sharing an umbrella and embracing as they walked towards the bus stop, a pang of pain flashed through my heart. "Do you need an umbrella?" Suddenly, an umbrella appeared in front of me, held by a man's hand, with elegantly jointed fingers, fair and slender. "No, thank you." I quickly waved my hand, instinctively refusing. "The rain will get heavier." The boy chuckled softly and extended the umbrella towards me again. "Thank you." Unable to refuse, I accepted it and looked up at the boy's face, suddenly stunned. The boy was too, a brief surprise flashed in his eyes, but he quickly composed himself. The boy in front of me smiled lightly, with a charming canine tooth and subtle dimples. I studied him for a long time, unable to bring myself to look away. He looked so much like him, really like him. With the intention of returning the umbrella, I added the boy on WeChat and learned his name was Gavin. Coincidentally, we attended the same university, in the same major, only he was a year ahead of me. Initially, I approached him, bringing him food and drinks. He was the school heartthrob, and when everyone mocked my foolish dreams, he agreed to be with me. He often waited for me downstairs at the dorm, even in the rain with an umbrella, and in winter, he would bring an extra scarf to wrap around me. He would let me walk on the inside of the sidewalk, thoughtfully remembered my menstrual cycle, and brought me brown sugar on time. My roommates thought I must have been incredibly lucky to meet such a good boyfriend. On the weekend, there was a school basketball game, and as Gavin's girlfriend, I naturally had to attend. I sat in the stands with a bottle of water, quietly rooting for his team. The winning team would receive a small chocolate medal, wrapped in gold foil, with dark chocolate inside. I walked onto the court with the water, and in front of everyone, he hung the medal around my neck and pulled me in with a flourish for a photo. "Alivea?" A boy in the team called out to me. I looked at him in confusion, not knowing who this name referred to. The boy came over, looked closely at my face, and then realized, "You're Gavin's girlfriend, right? Sorry, I mistook you for someone else." Gavin threw the basketball in his hand towards the boy, a gesture to intimidate him into silence. "No, it's just too similar..." The boy rubbed his nose, "I haven't seen Alivea in a long time, thought she came back to see you." "Shut up." Gavin sternly scolded the boy and then walked out of the basketball court. I stood there for a long time, pondering the name Alivea, looking at the chocolate medal on my chest, and took it off. This seemed to be the first time Gavin got angry. He went silent for three days, and I didn't reach out either, just wanting to wait for him to explain. When I saw him again, he was still waiting downstairs at the dorm, holding a cup of milk tea, waiting to go to the cafeteria with me. On the way to the cafeteria, he showed no intention of explaining, perhaps because I felt uneasy, so I didn't ask him. Life seemed to go on as usual. Gavin had a peculiar habit; whenever we ate together, he always liked to put a lot of cilantro in my bowl. But I didn't like cilantro at all, to the point where just smelling it made me want to vomit. To avoid conflict, I forced myself to eat a lot of cilantro in front of him, but once back in the dorm, I couldn't help but go to the bathroom and gag, vomiting it all up. One day, I couldn't take it anymore, and I told him I didn't like cilantro at all. He frowned deeply, a hint of panic and anger flashing in his eyes, "I remember you love cilantro the most." How could I possibly love that? I thought of Alivea again; maybe that was Alivea's preference. "You're mistaken," I said, staring at his face, as I listed all those habits that weren't mine, one by one. "I don't like cilantro, I don't like milk tea, and I certainly don't drag you to play games at night that I've never even touched." "Alli..." Gavin seemed startled by my demeanor and slowly uttered my name. I let my tears fall, ignoring this nickname that felt unfamiliar to me. He never called me that; he thought the name Alli was too ordinary. When I cried, he would hold me and sternly say, "Allizon, don't cry!" Gavin's personality and habits were different; perhaps only his canine tooth and dimples made him somewhat similar. That's why I loved seeing Gavin smile. As long as he smiled, those dimples would appear, as if he had never left me. Bodi, can we meet again? I miss you so much. On Gavin's birthday, he invited a bunch of friends to a bar for a party. As his girlfriend, I got caught up in an experiment and only managed to rush to the bar after nine in the evening. He was sitting on the sofa in the private room, surrounded by smoke, with a girl on each side. "Alli, why are you so late?" Gavin spoke, but only smiled, with no hint of complaint in his voice. "Yeah, how could you keep Gavin waiting so long?" "Did you just finish with someone else outside?" The two girls beside him chimed in, and I said nothing, just coldly watched them. "Happy birthday, Gavin." I said flatly, placing the gift on the table. The girl next to him quickly grabbed the gift box and untied the blue ribbon on top in front of everyone, "Why is it just a cheap watch? It looks like it's only worth a few hundred bucks." The cheap watch was casually thrown back into the box. I looked at the girl and noticed she looked remarkably like me. Gavin laughed and hugged the girl who had spoken, "If you don't like it, just throw it away. Anyway, it's meant for you. How about this, tell me what you like, and I'll take you to buy it tomorrow." Gavin was always good to me, but he never indulged me like this. "Alright, promise you'll go with me tomorrow, and I don't want to see her now." The girl said sweetly, clinging to Gavin, pouting, and kissed him on the neck. Gavin pinched the girl's cheek and angrily said to me, "Why don't you just leave?" I didn't stay, just turned and left the private room. Bodi would never speak to me so harshly and knew I hated the smell of smoke, so he never smoked. I went to the cake shop and bought a cake, a chocolate cake that Bodi loved. Only I knew that Gavin and Bodi's birthdays were just one day apart. I took the cake to an empty classroom, intending to celebrate my birthday alone. Unfortunately, I ran into Gavin. "Is that a belated birthday cake for me?" Gavin sat down beside me, pointing at the cake in my hand. I hid the cake behind me, "No." "Stop pretending." Gavin laughed right away, thinking I was playing hard to get. I ignored him and walked straight ahead, but he suddenly yanked the cake's string, making me stagger back a few steps. "Happy birthday," Gavin said, taking out the postcard from the cake and reading the wishes aloud. "And you said it wasn't for me? Alright, behave from now on; you're still my girlfriend." To everyone else, it always looked like I was shamelessly chasing him. We had sweet moments, but that was before Alivea returned. Now that his dream girl is back, I, the impostor, should naturally fade into the background, waiting for his attention. On Gavin's birthday, the girl in the private room was named Alivea, his childhood sweetheart. Gavin usually called me Alli, but he was really calling 'Ali'. But that's just fine; I only ever saw him as Bodi anyway. "Gavin, let's break up." I know the pain of lovers who can't be together, so there's no need for me to hold onto him anymore. Gavin looked a bit shocked, disbelief evident in his dark eyes. "Allizon, this trick doesn't work on me." With that, he turned and walked away. He thought it was just a trick, like other girls who mention breakups just to annoy their partners. Since that day, we remained a couple but rarely spoke. After class that day, my period pain was so intense it made me double over. I crouched down, took out my phone, and instinctively dialed the number I knew by heart. "Sorry, the number you dialed is no longer in service..." Not in service, still not in service. Bodi, have you really given up on me? I curled up helplessly in a corner, letting tears stream down my face. The pain in my abdomen and chest had long blurred together, leaving me numb. Bodi knew I suffered from menstrual pain, so he'd always remind me to soak my feet and avoid spicy food before my period. He'd even run around the city at night to get my favorite milk tea to warm my stomach. But the Bodi who cared so much for me is gone. "Hey, Gavin, I..." "Is this Allizon? Gavin's with me, he can't talk to you right now!" I dialed Gavin's number, but unfortunately, it was Alivea who answered. It was so quiet on the other end that I could hear Gavin playing games. Of course, his dream girl is back; why would he bother with me? "Alli, what's wrong?" A classmate asked, "Alli, what's wrong?" I managed a weak smile and replied: "It's nothing... just some stomach pain. Can you help me get to the cafeteria?" The cafeteria sells milk tea, and even though Bodi's gone, I still keep my habit of having a hot cup during my period. After struggling all afternoon, I finally had a bit of energy. In a secluded corner of the campus, on my usual route from the cafeteria to the dorm, I saw a familiar figure. It was Gavin. I watched him stagger, and even before he got close, I could smell the alcohol on him, wondering where he'd gotten so drunk. Before I could react, Gavin, reeking of alcohol, hugged me and slurred, "Ali, I miss you so much..." I struggled to break free but couldn't match his strength. "Gavin, let go of me!" "Why!" Gavin suddenly shouted, "Why do you always play with me, saying you'll get back together and then leave, claiming it was a joke!" "Gavin, you're drunk..." I knew he was talking to Alivea, but I didn't want to hear it. No matter how much pain I'm in from my period cramps, he still chooses to be with Alivea. I just think he had it coming. "I'm not drunk, Ali, can't we be together properly from now on?" Gavin seemed to be crying as he held me. I couldn't see his face clearly, but I could hear the faint sobbing in his voice. This isn't like my Bodi at all, and I began to have thoughts of breaking up with him. No matter how similar two people are, they can never be exactly the same. No one can ever measure up to my Bodi. He looked up at me, his eyes red. He saw my face clearly and pulled me into his arms, "I'm sorry, Allizon, I'm sorry..." Listening to his endless apologies, I felt no emotion at all. After that drunken night, Gavin seemed like a completely different person. When we ate, he would carefully remind the staff not to add onion to my dish, and he replaced the milk tea with the Pepsi I love. I noticed all these changes, yet I remained indifferent. We are both stand-ins, and as long as we do our jobs as stand-ins, there's no point in discussing feelings. You choose what you want, and I choose what I want, and that's enough. "Gavin, let's break up. I'm serious." After finishing our meal, I looked into his eyes and said. For some reason, I caught a glimpse of panic in his eyes.