two
988 Words
She was nineteen again. Young. Innocent. Happy.
She wasn’t losing the optimism this time. This was a gift. A gift she never even dreamed of. She was going to make the best of it. She was going to protect herself from the nightmare. She was going to make herself happy. And she was going to prepare for an even better life.
El was lost in her head, when the phone buzzed.
It was the message from Bee.
[Bee]: I want to tell you something.
She felt like a sledgehammer slammed her.
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[El]- Go on.
[Bee]- I like you. I mean, more than a friend. I want to ask you out on a date.
She was stunned. The confession had come out of nowhere.
She threw the phone aside and shut her eyes. Only in the morning, after a good sleep, did she reply.
She saw him in college, waiting in the hallway outside the classroom. She didn’t pause. She kept walking.
He took a step toward her. Then, stopped. Then, started again. And stopped again.
In the end, she reached him. And she gave the answer. Short. Clear.
“I never saw you that way. I don’t want that. I don’t want to be in a relationship. I definitely didn’t expect this from you. I think we should stop talking. Keep distance between us. I think that would be the best.”
She said her piece. She had no intention of allowing him a reply. She walked past him, into the classroom.
-
Her feelings could only be described as complicated looking at that same message.
No. She couldn’t let it be the same. She had to take control.
[El]- I need to talk to you too. Not like this. Tomorrow. In college. In person.
She flipped the phone shut and stared at it fondly. She loved this phone. She loved it even more, holding it again. She threw Bee out of mind and had a nice sleep. It felt wonderful to be young again.
The next morning, Bee was waiting exactly the same. In the hallway. Outside the classroom.
El and Bee saw each other the moment she stepped off the stairs onto the hallway. Both paused.
She remembered this morning. But there were things she had forgotten. Details that perished with time. Like the colour of his t-shirt. The blue jeans. The floaters. How fat he was. How young and tanned he was. For the longest time, she thought that was his complexion. Didn’t matter very much.
This was before the beginning. Soon, everything would change.
She walked up to him. He took a step, paused, took another step, paused again, and stood still as she walked over.
“Come with me,” she said.
And without pausing, she walked on down the hallway. At the other end, she stepped out onto the balcony. She turned to the left, out of view of anyone from the hallway. A moment later, he joined her.
“Do you like me?” She asked.
No ceremony. No fanfare. She asked straight out, like it was an ordinary question.
He was stunned.
She saw the expression on his face and allowed herself a smile. She liked what she saw. She wasn’t entirely sure why she was enjoying this so much, but she was.
“I think so,” he said, slowly, softly.
“I don’t like you,” she said. “Yes, we were friends. And that was where it stopped. I don’t want this,” she waved her hand in the air between them, “to grow or deepen into more. Let’s just stop here.”
She stopped. Fell silent. She said her piece. She didn’t want to continue. She didn’t look at him. She was looking out at the world two stories below. She was trying to fight off the tears. She was trying to nip the growing grief in the bud.
For years, she had felt tortured by him, by his loss. Took her years to accept that it was over, and move on. She couldn’t let herself go through all that again. She was so certain she wouldn’t be affected, but the moment she laid eyes on him, all that was forgotten, all the love and longing and the uncontrollable feeling, came rushing back. She was almost overwhelmed.
“Okay,” he said.
That broke the spell.
-
He entered the classroom a minute after her. And he did exactly as she asked. She asked him to keep distance, and he did. He moved from the back of the class to the front. Not only did he change seats, he made new friends too. He stopped messaging her. He stopped talking to her. He wouldn’t even look at her. At least, she never caught him. And she was certain, without knowing why or how, that he actually wasn’t looking her way.
And then, as she tried to stop, he kept popping up in her head more. She was looking at him more every day. She kept missing him more every day. She found herself growing envious of his new friends, of all those he smiled at and spoke with. And when she could take it no more, she called him. Asked to meet him outside, at a cafe.
That evening, they started going out.
-
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” he repeated. “We stop here.”
He nodded. Gave her a smile. And left.
She stood there a while longer. There was something strange about that smile. It was the smile she remembered. Warm. Pure. Honest. And also cold. Detached. Distant. So very different.
She felt lost for a moment, unsure about what to make of it. It was as if they were off script.
And then, she shook her head. Of course, they were off script. That was exactly what she wanted.
Letting herself smile, she walked back to the classroom.
- Writer
