a lifetime's hate and three lifetimes' love

She met her husband when she was twenty four.  Their parents set them up on a blind date. They didn’t click immediately. But she couldn’t think of a reason to reject him either. She was honest with him. He was honest with her. He accepted her. She accepted him. They understood each other.  And she agreed.  Four months after the blind date, they were married.  And they were married for forty three years. It was a happy marriage. It was a marriage filled with love. They loved each other to the end.  They had a daughter. Just the one child. And the little girl was a delight, and grew up to become a wonderful woman.  She saw her daughter grow up. She saw her girl become a successful woman. She saw her little girl get married and have children of her own.  And when she died, she died peacefully, with a smile on her face.  Her name was Elfina. That was the story of her life.  And that should have been the end.  Only, it wasn’t exactly so.  El woke up in a beautiful garden. The biggest and the greenest and filled with the most colourful flowers. The most perfect garden she could have dreamed of.  Sitting in front of her, on a large and smooth boulder, was a stunning woman who was glowing like the most beautiful star in the darkest night sky.  “Hello El,” the woman greeted, in the sweetest voice. “I’m Lorna. Think of me as the god smiling upon you. I’ve invited you here because, one, I want to speak to you in person, and two, to give you a very special present. That’s why I made this whole space one big garden which I am sure you would love. Do you like it? Do you feel comfortable?”  El gave herself a minute to let the words sink in. And only then replied.  “A god? Really? Am I so blessed?”  “Oh yes, you are,” Lorna answered. “You have no idea just how blessed you are. You just don’t know it, yet.”  El nodded. She was happy. And confused. And unsure.  “A present, you said,” El said.  “Yes.” Lorna nodded. “A very special present. If you could go back, to any moment from your life, which would it be?”  “That’s my present?”  “Yes. I am here to send you back to the moment from your life that you choose. So, tell me.”  “Why?”  “Why?”  “Yeah. Why? Why do I get to choose? Why do I get such a present?”  “Because you are blessed.”  “Yeah, you said that. I have no idea just how blessed. Why am I so blessed?”  “You just are.”  That was all Lorna would say. She smiled. And buried perfectly under that smile were the words she wouldn’t voice out, not yet.  El stared. She got nothing from Lorna’s face. And she realised she couldn’t get Lorna to open up. She reluctantly gave up. And then, now, she could accept the present a lot easier.  “A time I could go back to,” El whispered, as fond memories floated across her eyes. “I would love to see Lizzie as a little girl again. She was such a sweetheart. The light of my life. She made me so much better a person. Wouldn’t I be twice as good going back? Or maybe, further back still. The day we got married. It was such a hot day. Everyone was groaning. I was groaning. Even inside the hall, with the air conditioning, it was terrible. But none of that mattered the moment I saw him. Jody. He was so handsome that day. He was so happy. We were so happy. I would love to see that smile once again, for real. Not in a photograph or on a video. Not on a screen. The real person, wearing that smile. That would be so, so beautiful.”  She was lost in the fond memories. She had no idea how beautiful she was, with her eyes wet and her lips curving into the widest smile.  And she didn’t intend to, but she went further back. To that first date.  It was a casual dinner. She did her best to make that evident.  “I just need to make it clear,” she said, not long after they sat down at the table. “This isn’t my idea. It’s my parents. I just had no reason to say no. I couldn’t.”  “So, you’re not very eager,” he said. “I get it.”  “Yeah,” she said. “I’m not exactly eager. And no, I don’t think you do get it. I was in a relationship. I am. I don’t know. I am. He isn’t.” She laughed, but it was worse than a cry. “Anyway, I’m not in any shape to feel any love.” She pressed her hands. “I’m not ready for a relationship.”  “You’re not over him, yet,” he said.  She didn’t answer. Just stared.  “I get it,” he said. “I do. No, I wasn’t in such a relationship. But I can understand. Really.”  “You weren’t in a relationship?” She asked.  “No,” he said.  “Then this definitely won’t work.”  “Why?”  “I was in a relationship with him,” she said. Paused. Took a breath. Pressed her hands tighter. “Physical relationship.”  “Okay,” he said. “So? It’s over, isn’t it?”  “No,” she said weakly. “Yes. But no. It’s. I can’t forget him. I want to. But I can’t. I don’t know if I can, ever.”  “You want to,” he said. “That’s all that matters. And you will. When you fall in love, again. With another person. Then, you will forget. That’s how it works. The heart is complicated and simple like that. Can I be honest with you? I wasn’t eager either. But now, I changed my mind. I like you. I like how you are honest. I like how you care about me. I believe we can be good together. And I want my parents to stop. If I am going to get married, and there’s no way out, if we have to get married, then why not with each other? I get you. I will accept you. I promise you that. We can talk some more. Meet a few more times. A few more dinners. A few lunches. Spend time, together. You can see that I keep my promises. We can both see how we are good together. And, maybe. We’ll see how it goes. What do you say?”  She was moved. She felt relieved after talking about it. And she felt comfortable with Jody. She really wanted to believe in what he said. She really wanted to believe in him. And so, she agreed.  El looked at Lorna, having returned from reliving the memories.  “Do you know when I really forgot Bee? It wasn’t Jody. Yes, I liked Jody. I loved Jody. But it wasn’t Jody. It was Lizzie. The night she was born. The moment I held her in my arms. I felt love like never before. My heart was filled. There was no one else. Just Lizzie. It was in that moment, that Bee completely left my heart. It was in that moment that I truly moved on.”  Lorna’s smile was untouched.  “I know now,” El continued, “the moment I want to go back to.”  “Good,” Lorna said, and beamed. “You don’t have to tell me. Just picture it in your mind. You will fall asleep now. When you wake up, you will be back to that moment. I wish you well.”  El remembered that night in as much detail as she could. She was still in that memory when her eyes closed. And when her eyes opened, she was back to that night.  She was nineteen. She was in bed. Her flip phone in hand. Messaging Bee.  - And because El was gone, she didn’t hear Lorna’s final words.  “Bless you, El. I hope you are happier this time around. And I hope the wish comes true. You bear no pain or suffering this time.”