eight
2075 Words
El didn’t want to see anyone. She didn’t want to be around anyone. She also didn’t want to be alone. She couldn’t be alone with the mess that was her head right now.
And so, she reached out to the only person she could.
Emma was in the classroom when her phone buzzed. Her phone was in silent mode all the time. The buzzing of the vibration motor in the phone was plenty good. She pulled out the phone from her pocket. Saw the message. Read the message. And immediately grabbed her things and rushed out.
It wasn’t everyday that El called for help. No way Emma wasn’t going to be there when such an occasion arose.
El was by her scooter. Emma’s scooter was parked next to El’s. They weren’t exactly neighbours. El’s uncle’s apartment building was two streets away from Emma’s parents’ apartment building. Still, that was close enough. The two girls had their scooters. They drove to college together every morning. And every time they could do so, they drove back home together. Going home together was a lot more complicated to plan because the two girls, the two best friends, weren’t in the same department, and so they weren’t in the same class.
Emma saw El right away. El was sitting on her parked scooter, looking down at the ground. There was nothing on El’s face, but Emma could feel the distress and the grief from far. Emma rushed over, put her arm over El’s shoulders, forced El’s face toward hers with the other hand.
“What’s going on? What was that message?” Emma asked. “I need to get out. Please. I need you. What the heck was that?”
“I need to get out,” El repeated. “Away from here. I can’t be here right now. I don’t know what to do. I could only think of you.”
“Alright,” Emma said. “Get on your scooter. Let’s get out of here first.”
They sat on their scooters. Emma led. El followed. They drove to Emma’s favourite coffee shop. It was in their neighbourhood. The neighbourhood Emma was born in and had lived all her life in. The coffee shop had opened for business three years ago. Emma was present at the opening ceremony. She was among the first customers. She had been a customer since. This was the only place where Emma had coffee, where she liked the coffee. And so, this was the place that came to mind first when she thought about a place to go to.
Emma ordered a cold coffee for herself and a hot chocolate for El. The coffee shop was pretty much empty this early. They had all the privacy they could want. They sat at the table in the corner, furthest from any person breathing inside. And then, Emma started the conversation.
“Tell me now, what’s going on? What’s bugging you?”
“Bee,” El said, after a long pause.
“Bee?” Emma asked.
“Yeah, Bee. You know Bee. From my class.”
“Yeah, I know Bee. That boy you like quite a bit.”
“The boy that I like?”
“Yeah. I mean, think about it. Until not too long ago, if you were to list down everyone you chatted with, ranking them on the number of messages sent and received, I would be first, and Bee would be in the top three. Wouldn’t he? Was there anyone, any boy, you messaged more?”
“No.”
“You wish that wasn’t the case. But it is. It was. And then, something happened. The messages stopped. Bee and you weren’t like that anymore. You wouldn’t talk about it. And I didn’t ask. I guess, now I have to. And you have to talk. Let’s talk.”
“He likes me, you know. I guess I sensed it. The night we last messaged, he was going to tell me he liked me, in a message. I didn’t want him to. I told him we needed to talk. I had something to tell him. We spoke the next morning. I asked him if he liked me. He said yes. I told him, I didn’t want that. A relationship with him. And so, I thought it was better we kept a distance between us. He agreed. And that’s how we just stopped.”
“But, there’s more.”
“Yes. There is more.”
El didn’t know how to continue. There was so much more. But how was she supposed to explain it so Emma would understand, without sounding crazy?
“What is it?” Emma prodded. “Do you like him? Is that it? I heard whispers. Appie and Bee. Is that what’s bothering you so much?”
El was stunned.
“Yes,” El said slowly. “That does bother me. Appie and Bee. But not for the reason you’re thinking.”
“What am I thinking? That Bee is moving on? He likes someone else now? That Appie likes him too? That you are losing him? And that had got you all worked up? Tell me I’m wrong.”
“You’re wrong.”
El sounded weak even to her own ears.
“Tell me I don’t know my best friend,” Emma demanded.
El sighed. “That’s not it, really.”
“What is it then?”
“I’m worried for Appie. I’m worried about how bad she will be hurt when Bee just leaves. Which he will. I don’t want to see Appie so sad. I can’t bear to see that.”
“He will leave? How do you know?”
“Because he left me ”
The words escaped before El could stop them. And now, there was no turning back.
“He left you? What are you talking about? Were you two together? When? Why didn’t you tell me? You just said you turned him down when he confessed. What is going on?”
Emma was leaning onto the table. She wasn’t big enough. If she was, she would be leaning across the table and grabbing El.
El was conflicted. She admitted she was overwhelmed. It was all much more than she thought it would be. A lot more than she was capable of dealing with all by herself. She had been tempted more than once to reveal it all, open herself up, to Emma. Maybe that desire which she buried deep inside was the reason she was in this situation. Maybe, while she was distracted, the desire took advantage, and rushed out.
Then, she thought, maybe this wasn’t so bad. Maybe she could just give in.
“Alright,” El said. She leaned over the table too. So, her face was inches from Emma’s. And she whispered. “I will tell you something. It will sound unbelievable. But it is true. Bear with me. Please.”
“Okay,” Emma whispered back. “Go on. I’m listening.”
“I know what happens because I’ve lived it once already. Bee confessed. Told me he liked me. I rejected him. On the phone. We didn’t speak for a few weeks. But I couldn’t get him out of my mind. I couldn’t stop seeing him everywhere. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I couldn’t stop missing him. I hated seeing him laugh with other girls. I hated how increasingly jealous I was becoming. And then, I couldn’t remain blind to my feelings. I liked him. Maybe it started the night he confessed. Maybe it started much before. I asked to meet him. I confessed this time. I liked him. He readily and happily accepted me. We got together. We were a couple. We were in love. The last three semesters of college were wonderful. We were in love. We were happy. We were together. And then, he left. I should have seen the signs. Maybe. I don’t know. He gave no explanation. Just that he wanted out. And left. Over the next few years, we were on and off. He would call. We would meet. Spend some time together. I wanted him. I wanted his love. He wanted me. He wanted my body. It was love for me. s*x for him. I was in a terrible state. I hated myself, after every time we met. I felt so cheap. I felt so useless. I hated how he made me feel so horrible about myself. I hated even more how I still couldn’t get him out, of my head, of my heart. But then, I did get away. Those few years are the darkest years of my life. So, yeah, I know. I know what happens. I know what he’s like. I know what he will do. I know how it hurts. I know how he makes you feel. I cannot wish that on Appie. I cannot turn a blind eye when someone I know is walking that same path.”
Emma was quiet.
“You don’t believe me,” El whispered.
“No,” Emma said, almost too quickly. “I mean, yeah. It’s hard. But I know my best friend. I know you aren’t someone who makes up things like this. I know you. I just can’t get it into my head. How can this be possible?”
“I don’t remember everything,” El said. And she wasn’t lying. She truly was starting to forget. She couldn’t remember her life after college. What happened? How did she get over Bee finally? Who did she marry? She did remember Lizzie. But only that that was the name of her little girl. She had forgotten everything else. She couldn’t even remember Lizzie’s face. And she definitely didn’t remember how she came back to now, so many years in the past. “I just came back. And I remember Bee. I think it will come back slowly. I don’t know.”
“Let’s just say, god gave you a boon. Your very own personal miracle. Sent you back in time. And you want to take that opportunity to “
“To correct my mistakes. Protect myself from the misery and the pain.”
“And that is why you rejected Bee.”
“Yes.”
“And that is why you can’t see Appie become you in this life.”
“Yeah.”
They fell silent. Not because everything was said. But because they needed a break. They needed to give their brains time to assimilate the information, to let the words sink in.
They fell back in their chairs. Enjoyed their drinks. And let their heads wander, even though their eyes were locked.
Emma wasn’t exactly religious. But she was a firm believer in god. And that made it easier for her. She knew miracles were real.
And Emma’s love for her best friend carried her the rest of the way. If El had suffered so deeply for so many years, and it was all because of Bee, then it was good that El got to come back. It was great that El wasn’t tied down by Bee in this lifetime. It was great that El could be happier much earlier, and could escape the nightmare. Emma was truly happy for her friend.
Once Emma accepted that this was real, that El had truly come back, she found it easier to understand El and El’s worry.
“We need to look out for Appie,” Emma said. “That is what you’re saying.”
“It is,” El said. “I tried talking to her. But she won’t listen. You know what she said? That I don’t know what I’m talking about. She won’t listen. She confessed. Told Bee she liked him. And Bee accepted her confession. That’s why, today, they came to college together. Walked into class holding hands. They were so happy announcing to everyone that they were together.”
“Fine,” Emma said. “Two heads are better than one. Let’s put our heads together. Figure it out. The mission - save Appie from Bee.”
El smiled. She felt relieved sharing her secret. And having someone by her side. She didn’t feel so alone anymore. The day felt brighter and warmer. And she felt stronger. Like they could do it. They could save Appie.
“Yeah,” El said. “Our mission - save Appie. We will succeed.”
- Writer
