HER LOST SOUL

The bell shrieked through the hallways like it was a warning of something worse than another Monday morning. lockers slammed, sneakers sneaked and the chatter of everyone else filled the air- everyone except mine. I tugged the strap of my backpack higher on my shoulder, hugging it like amour and tried not to look like I was drowning. High school was supposed to be the place you figured yourself out right? That's what my aunt always said " These are the best years of your life", she'd insist over Sunday dinner, like she was reading it from the Hallmark card. if these were the best years, I can't imagine what the worst would be like. The truth was, I didn't really fit. not with the popular kids, not with the athletes, not even with the quiet group who claimed the library was their territory.I had friends or at least, thought I did. But lately even that part of my life was unraveling. "Hey careful"someone snapped as I brushed past them. Their binder fell, papers spilling everywhere like confetti. "Sorry" I muttered bending down to help, but they were already scooping up the papers without looking at me, muttering something about" watch where you are going" my apologies dissolved into the chaos of the hallway. I kept walking, my heart pounding faster than it should have.it was always this tiny moment that I always remember how invincible I was, except for the time when I was just a nuisance. when I finally reached my locker, I let out a slow breath. The combination lock stuck on the second turn, as usual, I had to jiggle it like a stubborn puzzle before it clicked open. my locker was a disaster textbooks crammed at odd angles, crumpled notes stucked in the corners, and a candy wrapper at the back of the wall. A messy locker for a messy life. " morning mia" I froze, half way through swapping books, and turned. It was Lilly. my best friend well formerly Best friend, we hadn't spoken formally in weeks, not since she started hanging out with zoe and her group. The kind of girls that walked through hallways like they owned it. Her voice sounded casual, like nothing happened, but her eyes darted away quickly, like she was searching for someone else. probably zoe. "Hey," I said, even though it came out small than I expected. There was a beat of silence. The kind that used to be filled with our inside jokes and whispered plans about sleepovers and movies. now it was just heavy and awkward. "I'll see you in class," she muttered, and then she was gone. just like that. The ache in my heart tightened. I told myself not to care, that friends drift apart, and this is normal. But it didn't feel normal. it felt being left behind in the middle of a crowded hallway, every one else moving forward while I stayed stuck. By the time I got to first period, my head was buzzing with all the things I couldn't say.How I wanted to ask Lilly why she'd stopped sitting with me at lunch. why she'd stopped texting me back. why it felt like I was being slowly erased from her lif.But instead I slipped into my usual sit near the window, pulling out my notebook like the model student no one thought I actually was. Mr Harris droned on about quadrantic equation, chalk speaking across the board. my pen hovered above the page, but I didn't write a single number. instead I doddled a tiny flower in the corner it's petals drooping. Halfway through the class, laugh erupted from the back. zoe whispered something to Lilly, who covered her mouth, giggling. For a second, I thought they were laughing at me until I realized they weren't even looking my way. somehow, that felt even worse. when the bell finally rang, I gathered my books as quickly as I could. I needed to get out, to breathe. But the hallway was another storm of voice and elbows, and I had to push through it, and I had to push through it, clutching my notebook to my chest like a shield. At lunch, I sat down at the edge of the cafeteria with a peanut butter sandwich that tasted like cardboard. From here, I could see Lilly with zoe and the others, their table loud with jokes and secrets.she laughed like she belonged there . and maybe she did. I tried not to stare, but my kept drifting back. my chest burned with something sharp jealousy, anger, maybe both. I wasn't sure if I was missing Lilly or if I just hate being replaced. The truth was, I felt like I was slowly disappearing. And nobody seemed to notice. when the final bell rang and the day spat us back into the world outside, I dragged my feet on the walk home. The sun was bright, but my head felt heavy, full of words I never said. messy. That was the only way to describe it. my friendship, my thoughts, my locker, my life. A big tangled mess I don't know how to clean up. I just hoped somewhere in all that chaos there was still a piece of me worth finding.