The Forgotten Twin

Moon

Liv

“I need some air.” I whisper to myself as my throat felt like it was closing.

I can’t breathe with all this stuff running through my head. And my little chest was rising and falling a little too fast. Everything was spinning. So, very fast I put away all the books. Making sure I put them back where they go. And then I push my chair in. And make my way out the cellar.

As I made it near the top, I call in the wind element and blow out the candles Without needing to turn my head back to look, I just see the small glow from the candles disappear in seconds. And then I slowly made my way through the long hall. Making sure to listen out to any footsteps or noise of anyone awake.

I let out a deep breath, the house was still quiet as it did when I first came down a hour or two ago. I was relief to have not awaken anyone.

Then my mind came back to me for what I was suppose to do. “Oh yeah, I needed some air.” So I continue walking quietly until I made it outside the house. I try to open the door as slowly as I can without making noise. I mumble a little spell to keep the door from making any sounds.

For a kid this spell was perfect. You can use it for pretty much anything. For me and Mery we use it when we wanted to stay up a bit longer than usual. We just wait a couple minutes to make sure no one will come in to check on us. So far, we haven’t been caught yet.

“Please don’t wake anyone up.” I plead a whisper to the door. Hoping the spell sticks on.

I walked outside and made my way down to the steps. They were only three steps once you make it through the porch. And I sat down with my elbows press against my thighs and love handles. Breathing in and out as I try to calm down my nerves. All I feel is my body vibrating uncontrollable from the inside and out. My head felt like it was swelling up as I lose air in it.

This feeling didn’t feel normal at all. I don’t know what this feeling is. But it was like every emotion I have is crashing into each other. Making me feeling overwhelm and whatever I do to make it better, it only seems to make it worst. I know if Mery was here right now she would of been able to calm me down. But I am alone now, no one is here to help. I have only myself in the dark of the open air. And no one was around. Everyone is asleep. Even if someone was up at this time, and they happen to see me. No one would do a thing, hardly blank a lash my way. They wouldn’t care to even check on me.

This I knew for sure.

Just like this whole stone test thing. I’m all alone in this. And when I don’t pass mother’s test, oh gosh. I might be alone forever. I won’t have my sister with me anymore. I will be taken away or worst. I don’t have a clue what will truly happen to me if I didn’t pass. I don’t know how I can even imagine a life where I am not with my sister anymore. I don’t want to leave her. I have to stay. I have to pass this test some how. I have to, please, please don’t take her away from me.

Tears started to run down my cheeks and my lips start to quiver. I try to be quiet with my sobbing. For I try to grasp for air when I can. But it seems so impossible. I couldn’t control anything right now. Even if I try, it just comes out. It hurts, my little body felt so tense. I closed my eyes and squeeze my hands together until I feel myself feeling back to neutral again. Getting a grasp of my emotions. My heart beats back to its old rhythm and I open my eyes feeling good.

“Okay. I’m okay. It’s gonna be okay.” I swallow a huge lump in my throat.

“Maybe nothing bad will happen to me. Maybe I will have enough time to practice and strengthen my power before the test.” Reassuring myself.

“Yeah, that’s it. I just need more time. Mother is just worry for nothing. She will see, I will be ready for her test and I will glow the stone with the magic inside of me. Ugh I hope so, maybe mother is right.” Feeling the small confident I had wash away faster than it appeared.

I throw my head back and look up to the night sky, and I see the most beautiful glow in the sky. Wow, how can something so little as the moon. Be so magical and comforting, it’s lovely and I wish I can just touch it. The moon seems to just call me. It had this power over me that I couldn’t denied. Just looking at it, sitting perfectly in pure dark sky whole its only friends are stars. They glow as well but not as bright and amazing as the moon does right now.

I tilt my head as I take in every detail of the moon in this dark night. I track its shapes and its flaws defines with my fingers. And a tingling feeling ran down my body and all I felt was shock of kisses all around me. My body stiff in a straight out form like I was being embrace into a hug.

“That was nice.” I say under my breath.

A crack of a smile broke out on my face and I felt my tear duct filling up will this love of feeling. This felt so new, I never felt something like this before. I didn’t know this feeling at all. It’s so brand new, I didn’t want the feeling to end. I wanted to capture this and keep it forever. It’s so welcoming to me.

“I know this isn’t my Ancestors coming forward. I know this isn’t me calling on to you for anything.” I blink and tears swing down my cheeks.

“It’s you Goddess. It’s you who is here with me right now at this low moment of mine. I know there are many of you or maybe you are all the same. I don’t know. You can be the Moon Goddess, Earth Goddess, Goddess of spirit or anyone else but not my Ancestors.”

My head fell down to my chest. I grab the top of my shirt and wipe away my tears. I felt so weak at the state of a Goddess. Her presents itself felt so much stronger than when I call on my Ancestors. It was like she was sitting here will me. I just couldn’t see her. I may just be a child in most eyes. But with everything going on I don’t seem like a child. I feel my whole world is in the shift of changing. And it wasn’t the beginning. No, this changing has been going on for a while now. That’s why I am sitting in the dark night crying under the stars. Worry I can’t be with my family one day.

With myself already ready to give up there was just one person who reminds me to keep on trying. She was the only one who sees the efforts I put in to my skills. She doesn’t frown at me when I get it wrong over and over again. She doesn’t yell at me for not being strong enough or just not caring enough. She doesn’t give me the silence game when I have a bad day in class. No she the one who pulls me in and holds my hand until I get it right. And with her by my side. I never have trouble getting the spell, I just feel more relax and I don’t feel so out of focus when I try. I just worry once I get to take this stone test. That even my own twin sister will see I am not worth her love either. And she will push me away like the others. She will start to ignore me and then she won’t be my best friend anymore. She will be just like everyone else.

Just cause I am not perfect doesn’t mean I don’t deserve some kind of love. But maybe they’re right. What if I don’t deserve their love? What if i’m just failing my Ancestors and this is the easy way of letting me down easy. It all comes down to what my Ancestors think and if they don’t think I am worth being a witch then they will start to take my magic away from me.

Looking up to the moon. And throw myself to my knees.

“I need you. Any of you, at least one will be fine. But please Goddess let me be your child. Take me under your guidance and be here for me. Just like you are now. During this night, this moment. We are here together for a reason. So please just please help me. Don’t let me slip away. I want to do good. I want to be a part of my coven with the people I love. I don’t want go anywhere else but here.”

My hand starts to shake once again and I put them together. Rubbing a friction through my skin, feeling myself ease back down. I try to think clearly as I pleaded for mercy.

“I know I am young and I still have a lot of growing up to do. But I don’t have much time left. I don’t know what I did to have this happen to me. What did I do that was so wrong to effect my chances of becoming a witch? I have been trying my hardest to pleased everyone but no matter what I do, it seems to not please anyone. I try looking into my Ancestors to help me but I feel them pulling away every time I call on them. Why did they not want me? Am I not worth their love?” My body shaking as I feel the pain of rejection take over.

“I feel like I am being left behind. Why am I being punish for this? My Ancestors won’t come forward anymore, I use to feel joy when they answer but now all I get is emptiness.” Warm tears stream down my cheeks. I swallow this huge lump and a gush of wind brush around me. And I felt at ease.

“Please Goddess, help me through this. I know I can do better. Don’t let them do this to me. Don’t let them leave me behind. I will be strong and brave. I will be worth it one day. I just need a little more time so please please please. . ..” I hiccup my words.

Then I hear a caw in the air. And I look up to see a few crows flying above my head.

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight..”

I count the crows and as I count a feather came down and landed on the ground in front of my feet. I bend down and pick up the feather. Feeling the rough black fur.

“I know what this means and I will be ready for it. Whatever it is, I will be strong and I will be someone worth of being your child Goddess. I thank you for everything, thank you for listening to me and being here for me. And at my most weakest of time. I will be okay, knowing I have you by my side now. Thank you.”

I sat there in the moon light for a little bit longer. It feels so good to be here late at night all alone. I didn’t feel scared or worry, or anything like that. I felt more at peace here than I do inside my home. Or even anyone at all. If only I can hug the Moon Goddess herself, I’ll be whole again. I’ll be fully okay. So I stayed. I stayed here with the Goddess and take in this moment. I never wanted to leave but I know I have to get up soon.

I understand now why some witches live alone in the forest. Just the peace and quietness helps. No distractions and judgement, just you and the Goddess. Maybe when I get older, I will build a little cottage somewhere deep in a woodsy area. Finding my peace home to do spells and incantations. Maybe I will be able to live a lovely life with my mate there. And maybe we can grow our own little coven too.

The thought of finding love and peace helps me look pass this stone trouble. Everything I was worrying about before now, it just gone away. Now I was just looking forward to my new future with my mate. Holding on to a happily ever after one day. I pick up my head and see the moon was still glowing so bright above me. Goddess was still here with me.

“I will come back to talk to you again. I will make you proud of me.”

Bowing my head to the moon, showing the upper most respect for her. Because at this moment all I know once was my Ancestors choice to give up on me. But now I have the Goddess to fall back to. She will be here when I need her to be. I am her child.

Ending my little night adventure, I got up from the ground and walked myself back inside and closed the door behind me. I slowly walk my way through the house until I make it all the way back up to my room. I see that Mery was still sound asleep.

I took off my slippers and climb back into bed. Pulling my sheets over to my chest and laying my head back down to my pillow. As I get snuggle up I flip myself to my left side facing my night stand. And I pull out my feather and lay it nicely on top of it. And before closing my lids and allowing the night to take me into my dreams again. I look out the window and I can see the glow of the moon perfectly aline with the window pit. I felt happy to see the Goddess watching over me. Thankful for taking me in.