The Forgotten Twin

Move on

Liv

I really thought after that night with the Goddess that I umm… I thought everything was gonna change for the better. But it didn’t, things got so, so much worst than it did before. It was like my worst nightmare was coming true. Surfacing to blind me with failure. My whole world turn a new page. One I never thought I will be in. I was wrong to think things will get better for a girl like me.

My magic still hasn’t increase at all. It has seem to keep going down. At this moment whenever I try anything I can’t get a spark to come. I can’t even feel that nice warm connect like I use to. And I beg and beg to my Ancestors to help me. To just give me a little something so I don’t get punish this time. I plead over and over again hoping with all my might they will answer me.

But of course when I call onto them, they don’t answer me at all. I felt so shunned from my Ancestors. I didn’t understand why they were doing this to me. I have been doing everything right. I do all of it right, I even get my history lessons better than my sister but yet I am the one who can’t seem to perform their magic skills when it comes down to it.

Was there anything I can do to make this horror better? Is there a pill? Is there any herbs? Was there a trick to it? Is there some kind of hidden object out there that can help me regain my magic? Is there even anyone out there who understood my problem? Is there anyone in this world, planet, state, land, coven, home, our even my family who still believes or loves me?

This is what goes through my mind every day all day. Especially at night when I am here in the cellar alone for the rest of the days. Most of my days are bad. I would beg and plead for any kind of answer from my Ancestors. I waited for their mercy. Anything at all, but they don’t even bother with me anymore. I believed at this point, maybe even sooner. I think my Ancestors had given up on me. That’s why they don’t answer me. They have simply believe I am not worth their attention. They don’t see me as worthy anymore. I guess I get why. Everyone else has too, why not them.

On the other hand, I get lucky enough to get to light up a candle now. I am just glad at the moment I can still do one thing. Even if it’s literally just one thing. I started to get use to just my one skill. Just this one candle and this one flame. It was the only hope I had left. It was the only this I had with me really. Especially here in the dark, cold cellar. This candle was all I had. And I held onto that one item. It meant that there was still a chance, at least I wanted to hope there is. Right?

Moon Goddess is my witness in my failure in youth, a lot has happen in such a short time. It all just flash before me. Every second was turn into days. And that turn into weeks.

As the school year had started. Mery has been doing her best and exceeded. Time flow by fast. We’re about to turn 8 soon. And Mery was doing better than ever out there. Just like I knew she would, the golden child never seems to disappoint. She would come home all cheery and happy. She would always look like she would exploded if she didn’t get the option to express her emotions to someone. She was a time bomb ready to exploded.

In the beginning it didn’t bother me that she was out in the world while I was stuck here at home. I just keep telling myself that one day I will get the chance to run up to my class side by side with my sister. Just like we always hope we would. Just one day, right? But lately I started to think this was never going to happen. Not anymore at least. I wasn’t getting the chance for anything that I imagine I would. But I am glad my sister is. I’m glad to see her full of life even if it hurts me to hear her joy. It pains me more than ever, to not share these joys with my twin sister. Not being able to do things we dream about with each other. It was wishful thinking really. I knew it won’t ever happen.

Mery had just made it home from school. And as always I was in the kitchen cleaning up the mess from earlier. Mery had walk in jumping and skipping away. And I pulled my hand out to let a small shield to stop her in place. “Watch out Mery!” I yelled.

She follow my eyes and looked down on the floor where there was broken glass and some spill liquid on the ground. Mery had a smile on her face when I first saw her and as she notice the mess, her joyful face change to a concern as usual. “Oh oh, What happen this time?” She ask as she glide her way around the mess.

“Nothing, I was just doing too much at the same time, and I knock over a glass of milk.” Looking down on the floor where I continue to clean.

“You’re getting more clumsy now Livy.” I didn’t look up but I feel her sarcasm from her tone.

“I know, I know. I’m working on it. I swear.” Feeling the need to apologize. It was my fault after all.

“Why don’t you just use a simple cleaning spell. Doing it like that is going to take you forever?” Leaning against the counter now.

“I don’t mind doing it this way.” I try not to talk about my failure with my sister. Besides, if I could use magic. I would of.

“Okay Livy.” She grab onto the strap of her backpack and left the kitchen.

I didn’t want her to know I was still struggling. I was tired of all the lectures of hope and patiences. If that didn’t work then and now, it wasn’t going to work later. I just can’t anymore. Beside, we don’t do lessons together either. We don’t even get to be around each other much anymore. I do my lessons when Mery is at school. And when she comes home, she gets ready for her lessons. Where I spent my days helping to cook for dinner.

By the time Mery and mother had finish they would come up the stairs all smiling and happy. And I feel this ball of guilt drop inside of me. Wishing in my every fiber that I was beside them smiling too. But I knew better than to hope nor dream on something that will never happen. I don’t think I will ever get the chance to experience that kind of mother daughter love.

At least Mery does.

We all sat down at the dinning table and I keep my head down as if I wasn’t there. In a way I wasn’t there anyways. No one talks to me nor pays me any minds. Everyone kind of stared to just give me a glance here and there. But now it was like I was a ghost. I was only notices as a clean up lady or a servant to them. The only person who would smile at me was Mery. I would just smile back at her across from the table. And whenever we would try to talk to each other. Father would interrupt us.

“That’s enough girls. Can’t you see the adults are trying to talk.” Father spoke in a loud whisper to us. My expression went cold and I would go back to facing my food.

“Sorry father.” Mery said.

“My apologies.” Again, my fault.

And I made the dear mistake as always by looking over to see if mother had notice. She did. Mother had a deep frown on her face and I flinch at fright of her stare. Right away I pull from her dark eyes and hurry to finish my meal.

“Not to fast Liv, you will get sick.” Father said to me. He place a hand on my shoulder and tilt his head at me to swallow the food that was left in my mouth and pace myself. I didn’t want to anger anyone else.

As we all finish eating I grab the last plate from the table and put it in the sink to clean. “Livy guess what happen to me today at school?” I jump at Mery presented.

“Mhh tell me?” Hiding my emotions, which seems to work well with her.

“So you know that cute boy I’ve been telling you about?” You can see her blush at the thought of her crush.

“That blonde hair boy who wears a orange backpack?” I asked her.

“Yeah, yeah him. Okay so he’s having a birthday party this weekend and he invited us to go! Oh my God isn’t it so exciting Livy?” Mery grab on my apron and tag at it as she jump up and down.

“Yes that’s great, you will have fun with your friends.” Broking eye contact from her. No emotions Elizabeth no emotions I repeated over and over again inside my head.

“Livy you’re not even listening to me! He invited the both of us!” She whined.

“I have too much stuff at home Mery. You go have fun. I’ll go next time.” Drying a plate as I hand it to her.

She grabs the plate from me and puts it away where it goes. “You said that last time. I want you to come spend some fun with me and my friends.” Whining continues.

“Next time Mery.” Trying to not look at her sad face. “I’ll go next time okay.”

“Don’t you want to go out? Get out of this house and make some friends? All you do is stay inside now? Why don’t you leave?” I can tell she was making a face at me but I try to ignore it by doing my task.

“I like it here. I always have stuff to do Mery.” I told her.

“Just for once can you.. mh you’ll like it somewhere else. Come hang out with other kids and me, Livy. Please just come with me, we don’t play anymore?”

It was true we don’t. We just get a few tv time in when she gets home but other then that. We don’t play unless it’s the weekend and she ask mother if we can. Normally we have been going our separated ways. I think it was for the best anyways. Who knows if I would be here any longer.

“Next time Mery, okay.” Sighing lowly to myself.

“Come on Livy, be a kid with me. Let’s play with our friends and get cuts and laugh. And..” I cut her off. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. I wasn’t going to go and she keeps insisting for me to.

“Just go without me Mery! I don’t want to hangout with you and your friends okay!” I yell at her.

It was silence for a good minute. Neither of us said anything. I can feel the air between us getting thicker and thicker. “I just don’t want to go okay. So just go have fun. I have a lot of stuff to do.” My voice was harsh. I didn’t want to yell at her, but she pushed me.

“Ohh okay Liv, sorry I asked. It won’t happen again.” Mery clear her throat and walk away. And I stayed still looking at the sink until I heard her going up the stairs.

I know I hurt her feelings but she has to get use to not having me around. I need to know she will be okay without me. She needs to move on from me. I have from her, and she needs to too. We’re not going to be together for long.

I closed my eyes and I held back my tears as hard as I can, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t strong enough to stop my tears from running down my face. The only strength I had was keeping my sobbing from making any kind of sound.

“It’s for the better Liv.” I told myself.

As my tears keep running down my face. I finish up cleaning the dishes and wiping down any crumbs that may be left over from the counter. I heard someone coming down the stairs as I sweep up the floor. It was late now and usually at this time everyone was in their rooms getting ready to sleep. And I get the house clean for the new day tomorrow. All I had to do was sweep up. I needed to make sure there’s no dirt, dust, grim, stains or anything left behind. And after I do this. I would go to my new room and sleep.

I slow down my sweeping as I listen very closely to the sound of the footsteps. Trying to figure out who might be out of bed and coming for a late night snack. The footsteps were heavy and firm. There was a rough stomp to them, there was more of a light glide. As I keep an ear up to the air, I knew who was coming down.

I turn away and try to hurry up my sweeping before they came down. I didn’t want to be in their way when they came. I was sweeping under a little stand as I sweep farther way from the footsteps. But as I walk away the sound got closer and closer to me. I was afraid. My hands were sweating and the hair on my little arms were standing up. My heart beat faster and faster at every step. I keep breathing in and out, trying to keep calm but it didn’t work. They were getting closer and closer and for what? What did I do wrong this time? Was I making any noise? What was going to happen now?

“Sweetie?!” Father’s voice shock me and I stop sweeping to face him. He didn’t sound mad.

“I’m almost done father. I’m sorry if I made any noise.” I turn away as I continue to clean.

“No sweetie it’s not that. I came down to talk to you,” he had no emotion on and I didn’t know how to react. So I just kept cleaning.

“I’m sorry for what I did. I will do better father, I swear I will.” I plead with a nod.

“Liv come sit with me. I need to talk to you.” He sounded very serious. I put aside the broom and follow father to the couch. I was worry for what he needed to come downstairs so late and talk to me about. So I put my hands on my legs rubbing them, not letting them to shake too much.

“Do you know why I came down here for?” He asked. I didn’t make eye contact with him but I feel him staring at me.

“No father.” I said loud enough for him to hear me. If I mutter, I know I would of gotten hit for not speaking proper.

“It’s about your sister.” I looked up from my hands and look at him with widen eyes.

“Is Mery okay? Is she hurt? I can grab the med kit and help!” I blurted my worry thoughts out without taking a breath.

“Sshhh relax Liv, don’t worry she isn’t physically hurt. And we have magic besides herbs we can heal with.” Placing his hand on my back as he tries to ease my little nerves.

“Ohh yeah, okay.” I slug my shoulders.

My emotion went back to a confusion look. “She had red bags under her eyes when I went up to read her a book. When I asked her why she have been crying. She told me it was because of you. And when I asked her to explain, she said you yelled at her. Is this true Liv?” He kept a nice calm voice, nothing that frighten me.

“Yes father it is, but I can explain.” Looking up to meet his eyes.

“Go on then.” He straighten his back as he awaits got my explanation..

“Well I was doing my night chores and Mery came to tell me about a party she was invited to. She ask me to join her but I said no. She kept asking and asking and I just got mad. I guess I hurt her feelings by yelling at her.” As I explain, I realize I shouldn’t of yelled. There could of been a more nicer way.

“I’m sorry father, I will apologize in the morning.” Turning my head down in shame.

“There’s another reason why you yelled at her, isn’t there?” His words hurt me, can I tell him the truth? What will he do if I did? Can I trust my own father? “You can tell me sweetie.” I meet his gaze. And my heart race to a million.

“I just want to give her space father. I want us both to have our ways of a person, you know.” I hold back tears.

“You mean, you want to be your own individual.” Clarifying my words better.

“Yes, she needs to have her world and I have my world. I don’t want her to think we have to do everything all the time together. Twins don’t always have to be together all the time.” Father smile at me and I smile back at him. It was nice, I don’t see him smiling much with me anymore.

“I love Mery. But I also like my alone time. And I don’t think Mery has learn to be without me yet.” I continue to explain.

“I see.” He rise an eyebrow at me.

“Twins are just different father. On a older show I heard, if twins learn at a young age to be on their own. It’s better for them to be a strong person when they’re older. And that’s what I want for Mery. I want her to be the strongest on her own, without me in her world nor life.” Of course the last part I didn’t say. Father would of ask a million or billions of questions if I had.

“You are very wise for a little witch who is only 7. How did you get to be so kind and wise Sweetie?” Father lightly brush my hair and it felt nice to feel some kind of attention. I felt loved by my own father. Just this once.

“I grew up father, that’s all.” Leaning my head into him.

“I will miss my little witch.” He whisper.

And my heart broke. “I think Mery and I will be fine. Our worlds will be different and that’s okay. I heard on tv once that everything happens for a reason even if we don’t understand it.” His eyes search for my words and I reassure him with a smile.

“I love you father. I am sorry I hurt Mery.” I apologize again.

“I love you too my wise little witch . I love you too,” he took me in an embrace. I was surprise, I haven’t been held by anyone in months. The feeling of father’s big hot arms just felt so nice.

I didn’t want this to end. I miss this so much. So I took in the moment as much as I can. And tears stream down my face from his kindness. Father could of just yelled at me for being so rude at my sister’s offer. He could of hit me or worse sent mother to handle it. But instead, he came down himself and let me explain.

Why was he being so nice to me? Why now? There had to be another reason why? I wish I could just ask him. But I don’t know if he would tell me the truth. I don’t know if I want to know the truth.

As my mind trails off with millions of thoughts. I had falling asleep in father’s arms. It brought an old comfy love back, and I guess my body nog off from it. I just hope I woke up early enough tomorrow to finish my chores from tonight. Mother will be very upset to see I hadn’t done it before bed time. My last scar on my back still aches with the thought of mother’s rage towards me.