The Forgotten Twin

Call to whom

Liv

My world was changing and it was coming down faster than I thought it would. And no matter how hard I try to call for help. I get nothing. My world was getting darker each day. And every second that went by, it got more quiet. I felt so alone, at some point I had to just accept that this was it. I had no one and no one was coming for me. Calling and pleading for anything felt such a waste of energy. But I continue to try. Believing that maybe this one time it will work. But in those state, my chest begins to cave in from the silences and I cry to myself. It’s just me now, I have just me. Just me alone in my dark little room. Which is somewhere different now.

Not that long after Mery had started school. Mother moved all my stuff to the cellar. Which wasn’t much, all I had was a thick blanket, my favorite stuff toy and some children books. When I ask why, mother said it was to give me and Mery our own space and stuff. I didn’t really believe her but I wasn’t going to argue.

The first few weeks, I would sit and talk to the Ancestors trying to get answers. Trying to see if they can tell me anything. But all I would get is pure cold shivers running through me. There was no sense of their presents at all. It was starting to get lighter and lighter the more I call onto them. I don’t think my Ancestors like me. If they did, then they wouldn’t be taking away my ability to do spells. I didn’t feel like I belong here anymore. And it wasn’t just them who made me feel like this either. It was everyone I came in contact with. It was already like I don’t exist. It hurt at first, seeing everyone ignoring me. Pushing me away and not even giving me the chance to talk. They don’t even look my way. It was like I was a bother to everyone. I felt even more lonely did I alright did before. It was like I was just a spirit among them.

“I guess everyone can feel my utter failure as a future witch here.” I scoff sadly to myself. It was no effort to even try anymore. I have just myself now.

My heart shrink each silence I come contact with. It didn’t take long for me to realize how good I had it to just enjoy some silence. But sometimes I wish to hear a voice coming to me. “I wish someone will care.”

The only contact I get now is when I am in trouble. Which is almost every day. And during these point I am thrown under mother’s dark, harsh and painful whips. Her spiting awful unforgettable words at me. All to remind me how useless I am as her daughter. And how weak I would be among our coven if I even show a slight of effort. Mother never fails to remind me how terrible a witch I am. Making sure after every lash, I was left with a mark to remind me how unworthy I am to be here. And I knew this very clearly.

I would just curl up to the cold rough corner walls and wait for it all to end, so I can be alone to my thoughts as I cry myself asleep again. I wish to my Ancestors, begging to let it all end. Wishing this wasn’t happening to me at all. Yet a small bit of me, says I deserve it. That mother was right, I was, I am useless. I have fail my one task of being on this world. And I have shown time and time again how I can not succeed that task. My thoughts would get dark and I would feel like I’m always disappearing. I swear on some point I am in a third view just staring at my broken little self. Looking down with no hope. I would watch and feel nothing. And when I am back in my body. Everything just comes crashing back. And I begin to hate myself like everyone else does. I didn’t want to woke up and continue this life anymore. I grew tired of breathing, of eating, getting dress, feeling anything or do anything. I was done with it all.

I even ask the Ancestors at my most harshest punishments to end it all. Just to let me sleep for my final breath. Begging them to let me be with them on the other side. With my soul broking more and more. I felt so little under the gates of my coven. I figure being away will be better off for me.

“Will you take me?” Common question I ask while the pain rips through my body.

When I woke up it would be time to go on with my chores for the rest of the day. After I clean myself of course. I’ve gotten good at cleaning my wounds without anyones help. It was fine for the first few months. I was punish too badly and I didn’t had too much skin broken. But now it has gonna worst. They would be deeper and bleed more. My clothes stain from the blood. Some times I leave them be, just wanting to feel the tingling pain it gave me. Knowing I can still feel something. It was like I needed this reminder that I am in deed still alive. That I sadly still exist. Running my hands over the scars always gave me reminders. A small shiver of goosebumps hits when I touch a sensitive spot.

Beside the harsh punishments being a regular thing. I had also made my late night trips outside to speak to the Goddess. For she is the only one I have now. And I still believe she has accept me as her child. When I come out to sit on the porch. I see the moon shine brighter and the wind blows more gracefully. I can sense she is with me when I am under her moonlight. It was the only happy places I have left now. It had begin to feel like home.

My only home.

I know you are wondering how I can think like this at all. But after feeling so shun and exile from your own family, the only family you’ve ever known. It changes you, it makes you see the world in a whole different type of way. Through all the pain mentally, spiritually, and physically, everything I went through made me the person I am now. So I’d learn to grow up a little faster than others. There was no room to be selfish. It’s not about me.

I try to find my right place here at the coven. Which isn’t being a kid. I didn’t even feel like a child nor did I act like one either. I see myself as more of a little adult and I have big responsibilities to do here. Which is why I keep myself busy with chores all the time. Don’t get me wrong, at first I was like ugh rah. But then I got use to it and I enjoy them. I mind my own business and no one interrupts my little peace when I am at work. Once I am done, I’m able to just be completely alone. I only get call back up if needed. But of course no one notice my absences if its not importance or attend to.

With all my fears and weak states, I learn to just sit back and take whatever the world has coming for me. I still hope that my sign of a new world will come one day. And I just need to sit here and wait for that day to happen. Moon Goddess has shown me the sign on our very first night and I held on to it. I want to believe those crows didn’t just fly by without reasons. It was her speaking to me.

Besides I am still young and it will be a long, long time before it ever happens. So I take every awful thing that has happen to me. Knowing that one day it won’t be like this no more. Maybe on the other side I will be strong and whole, living up my childhood that I had missed out on. Or maybe not. I try to stay as positive as I can. But some days it’s really hard to see good in these gloomiest of days I have.

With all the tv shows I have watch, blogs, movies, and stuff. I learn that when very awful things has happen to you at a young age. It sets you up to be a certain person when you get older. Depending if you are still in that kind of environment or not. Whom knows if I will, maybe after my many talks with the Goddess. I will soon be granted the ability to strengthen my magic and I can live the life I have been held back from. I will have a place here, just like I’d wish all this time.

I wouldn’t have to be everyones doormat anymore. I can finally go outside during the days. Play with kids my own age. Explore the town peoples, and see all the little shops, parks, schools, churches, and so much more. I’ll even be able to be around the humans and other supernatural beings too. And one day, one day I will run into my mate and we can live a happy life together. I can join his coven even. Of course I will still see Mery but I will be happy. I’m sure she would want that for me.

I didn’t have to worry for my alarm to wake anyone up anymore. One really, really good thing with moving down here. Plus I have access to all the books and most herbs. The cellar grows on you after a while. It wasn’t as bad as you would think, I adore my little space. But either way I was able to set my alarm and make it out the house to have my time alone with the Goddess every night now. I would spent a good hour or so sitting there talking to her and I swear it was like she would talk back to me. Not with words of course but with other ways you know. I can just feel it in my soul when we talk.

“I can see how everyone can walk on over…I can handle the frowns, the yelling, the scars from the pain. But after all this, what hurts me the most is pushing Mery away. She’s more than my twin Goddess.” I sit on the cold porch with my fuzzy socks and a light blanket.

The sky was dark with light blue moon center in the middle of it. The stars sparkle so nicely around it, it makes the moon shine even brighter. Its own light was like a huge night light that lit this causal night for me. As I sit here on my quest to let go of what I feel on the inside.

The ground was lightly wet from a hail coast. It fills the ground so well as it only leaves pebbles on the grass. The air crips more than usual this year with the frost of the night and my breath was the only thing that warms it. I didn’t feel all that cold as I walk on the porch, there was fireflies jumping around. And the air only got colder if I touch the flesh wood with my feet. I felt the small wind blow against me as if it tells me to move back. I listen and sat on a chair that was on the large porch. And the fireflies follow me as they help me see in the dark. The wood of the porch was cold but not as cold as it was if I got closer to the stairs. I figure the Goddess had something to do with that and it made a smile broke out.

“Is there anyway you can tell me if what I am doing is right? Should I keep Mery close or just let her be?” I hear wind chimes blow lightly in the air. Making a smooth noise at each blow.

“Does she hate me Goddess? For pushing her away? I only do it out of pure love, I don’t want her hurt at the end.” I lift my chin up and felt a warm touch on my shoulder. It was like someone was hugging me but I was alone.

At this point I have been keeping far more distance from Mery. We only see each other during dinner and even then we don’t talk. We would just look up and smile when we pass through each other presents. It was starting to feel like she hates me but when she tries talking to me. The feeling of guilt washes over and it was like old times again.

We would talk for only just a brief moment but it was a good moment to put in the book. Just hearing her joy of life through her sweet voice. It makes everything that I endure so worth it. She gets to be happy and free. Be the child we both wanted to be. Mery deserves that.

I’ve been waiting and waiting now for the day of the test to come. And I get so anxious everyday during lessons. Afraid that this may be the day I might not see my dear Mery again. I fear of how mother will react if I do not pass. What will she do? How will she do it? Will she have someone else do? And if so, whom? And everyday I walk on eggshells until mother tells me, end of todays lesson. I swallow the same huge lump in my throat. Glad that I may get to see her for just one more day. I get to speak with the Goddess herself one more night.

But after all of this, I still have this small pit in my stomach that wishes to just get it over with already. What is taking mother so long to do the dang test now? We all already know I’m going to fail.

“Will it happen soon? Will I see your true face afterwards Goddess?” Again I hear the chimes blow but it was mix with a different noise. “Will this harsh path I walk on end? I don’t want to keep waiting anymore. I want to move on already. I had done my best on expanding my magic and I am going no where. The Ancestors took all of it from me, they had cut me off Goddess. And everyday with mother is just like throwing my hand in acid over and over again.” I sob in her glow.

“I did the one thing I needed to do before the test approach. And now I know she will be fine. She had move on, she has others in her life to lean on beside me. And that’s what I wanted.” I got up from my chair and walk over to the railing. Gripping the wood as tight as I can. Staring into the light and hoping on something, anything.

“We all need this to end. So I call on to you Goddess. To please let all this pain and suffering end. Allow my love ones to have closure.” Breathing in and out as my chest rises. “I am ready to find out what is to come for me after my failure. And I will be okay with what you have for me afterwards. Just let this end already please!”

As tears sprang out my eyes, I hear a light chirping near by. And I feel the wind blow towards me and move the necklace I had made with the crow feather inside. I hold the pendant and squeeze it with my hand. Letting a light prayer out. “I am ready Goddess.”

I woke the next morning with an odd feeling. My body was more light on its feet. My aches and pain won’t there anymore. Which was odd because I had just receive the worst punishment yesterday. I knew the last blow would leave a pretty good scar behind.

As I think back on it. I close my eyes and run my hand ever so lightly behind my back near my spine and on my shoulder blade. It hurts as I got closer to it. Feeling the bruising around the depth of the cut. I run my finger along the length of it. And I grind my teeth together as I hold in the pain. Feeling each nerve being bother by my own touch.

“Aaahh, it’s going to take awhile to heal.” I pull my hand away and walk over to my little stand near by and grab my medical bag. I had just the basic meds in there. Mainly to help me take care of my own cuts and stuff.

I look through the bag until I pull out a bottle of ointment and gaze with tape. I went on to sit down on the ground and apply the ointment on as it stings. Again holding in the pain. As I finish putting the large gaze pad over it the best I could. I tape it up the size to heal better.

I finish dressing my wound, and started to got ready for the day. I made my bed, brush my teeth, and got dress. I had on some pink joggers with a long sleeve, blackshirt tuck in. I wear long cozy socks that you can’t even see. And pair everything with some white converse. And for something fast, I just pull my hair up to a ponytail and went up to start my morning chores.

No one was up yet, of course not. On the weekend everyone sleeps in an extra hour. So, I get myself some time to tighten up the house and start a yummy breakfast for everyone. I made a simple dish for today. Eggs, bacon, muffins, toast, harsh brown and a side of mix fruits. By the time I had finish everyone was down stairs and hungry. I had place the last dish on the table and everyone made their way to their seats. I watch as I see them grabbing their meals and filling up there plates.

I have stop eating with everyone. Getting them use to not having me around makes me feel better for their future. So I grab my small plate that I already had prepare on the side and make my way to the sliding door that let out to the backyard.

But as I approach the door, mother’s voice stopped me. Giving my chills down my spine and sweaty palms. “Liv come sit at the table today,” mother said with a clear voice.

I turn around and met her eyes. She wasn’t smiling but her eyes did. I wanted to say something but nothing came out. And what made it all worse, was everyone staring at me like I was a troll. Like I didn’t belong here, because I don’t.

I walk over to the table with everyone, feeling very odd and confuse. I don’t even know where I should sit. I haven’t ate here with everyone for aw while now.

“Caden dear let Liv sit next to you.” Mother sharpen her look to him and he does as she said.

I sat down next to father and place my plate down. I look down to my plate. I felt a light kiss on my head. “Good morning sweetie.” Father said with a rough voice.

“Good morning father.” His kiss shock me but I return a smile to him.

“Hi Liv.” I look up and across the table to see Mery. She didn’t look at me but that was okay.

“Hi Mery.” I reply back.

I felt so out of place sitting with everyone. I wanted to just get up and do something, anything beside sit here. It didn’t feel right to be sitting here anymore. It wasn’t my place. After everyone had finish eating, I couldn’t of been more happier. I went on to grab each plate and clean them. When I had finish. Mother walks in.

“Liv I have some stuff to do this morning and won’t be back for a while. We will have lessons later.” Her eyes were cold as she talk.

“Okay mother, should I practice while you are away?” Trying to not sound nervous.

“No, that’s okay Liv. You practice enough.” Her expression was blank.

“Ohh um okay mother.” I was gonna wish mother a safe day but she had walk away before I can do so.

As mother walk out the house with father and a few other members. I can feel an odd mood in the air. It was gloomy and musky. I felt cold and needed to cleanse. Something was off. And I don’t know what it can be. What was mother and the others going out to do? Was it time? Was she going to make us do the test in front of the whole coven? Ohh no I hope not.

My mind trail off with this cold slime running through me. I try to ignore it but it just stayed there. When I had finish cleaning, I went outdoors to have a talk with the Goddess to get a clue on what may happen next. I just feel like I needed to talk with someone. Before my time was up.