The Rebel and the Icequeen

Eavesdropping

Liams POV 

"I still don't understand why you're doing something like this, what's the point of all this?" Eliv asks blankly. 

“Out of sheer boredom, Eliv. Nothing ever happens here. I'm not allowed to do anything and everyone would like me to just stand silently in a corner and wait for someone to tell me what to do. I do not want that anymore. I also want to make my own decisions for once.” 

"Do you have to take advantage of other people for that. You're torturing poor Liam. It's not a game,” Eliv contradicts the Queen. She contradicts the queen, just like that. Apparently she has a fervent wish to die. 

"If I hadn't arranged for it, poor Liam," here the Queen clarifies the ´poor´ sarcastically, would have been executed long ago. So I have all the rights to, besides, I have no way of knowing that he's such a decent guy. I thought he was just a common criminal, but it turns out he has a sense of honor. Significantly more than my husband, at least.” 

"But don't you think what you're doing to him borders on r**e and torture. What if he doesn't want all of this and possibly suffers psychological damage from it." 

"So far he hasn't really looked ailing, but if he's hiding it so well that I shouldn't have noticed, then I'm sorry. But I do not believe that. All of his emotions are reflected on his face for all to see.” 

"Maybe you should give him the choice," Eliv suggests shyly. 

"Don't forget Eliv, he's still a criminal and belongs to the rebels. He admitted that himself,” she says curtly. Only now can I hear the coldness in her voice again. Apparently, the queen has mastered her voice so well that she can consciously control the coldness in it. She's more sophisticated than I thought. 

So the Queen and Lou have always been one and the same person and she only played with me for entertainment purposes. All the fears about Lou were completely unnecessary and unfounded. Well, at least now I knew why she never wanted to show me her face and why she always managed to come to me at night so cleverly. She had also managed to reveal myself to her and make me feel safe with Lou. It hurts a little not knowing if anything she said is true at all, or if it was all just part of the game. How should I know? 

My feelings for Lou are real, and despite this terrifyingly big lie, I can't just forget them. The thought of not having lost Lou at all, but knowing that she is in the room next door, makes my heart beat faster. I can no longer despise the queen, even though she has done more than plenty cruel things. Lou is a part of her. The vulnerable part that she doesn't seem to show to many people. When I think about it, I can think of more and more situations in which she stood up for me. First when she got me healers to take care of my injuries, then when she brought me food when the guards wouldn't give it to me. Then again when the guard attacked me and I even got the room next to her. She had taken care of me and held her protective hand over me as best she could. I am grateful to her for that, although I still don't know for sure why she did all of this. Is it just because she wanted to have fun with me, or does she actually have feelings for me. How am I supposed to behave towards her now? Should I pretend I don't know, or should I confront her? 

I don't know, but I don't have much time either, because the door I am standing in front of is unlocked at that moment. I just manage to take a few steps backwards before Eliv opens the door and smiles at me. I enter cautiously, still torn between the two possibilities. But maybe it's better to wait and see what happens. I study the queen and immediately realize I've seen her face before. The night she saved me after the guard attacked. There I had seen her face without make-up for a very short time. Now she was wearing so much makeup that her beautiful face was completely hidden underneath. Her clothes were fancy and probably very expensive, while I still wasn't wearing a shirt.  

"Kneel down," she orders me as Eliv hurries out of the room. I obey and kneel on the floor. I have a feeling that even though she has a sensitive side, if I resisted her, it still wouldn't end well. 

"That's good," she says, her voice softer, but still not losing its coldness. I still can't quite understand how she can be so callous and compassionate at the same time and how she was able to fool me for so long. How could I not see the fragility in her eyes. The slight, uncertain hesitation before she performed an action that actually seemed too hard to her. The belief that she was insensitive was completely wrong. Over the years she's just built a hard shell behind which she hides all her wild feelings. Somehow I feel sorry for her, being so despised and misunderstood by everyone, even though you would actually like to be someone else, must be terribly lonely. 

Again she pulls out the silk fabrics and blindfolds me. I just stay motionless on the floor and take it. She steps away from me and I hear fabric rustling. Apparently she undresses again. I even think I know why she always blindfolds me. I think she's afraid to give herself to someone. To reveal everything about yourself to someone. In s*x you surrender to the other and allow him to occupy your body and your senses. By blocking my view and tying me up, she maintains control and the assurance that her body is still hers and I can't do anything she doesn't want me to do. I totally understand her lack of control over her life and with me she feels in control. I just don't think it's just a pastime with me. I believe it is vital for her to have at least some control, if not over her own life, the at least over another person's life. 

"Get undressed and lie on the bed, arms outstretched." I follow her command as well, although it is difficult to undress and find the bed without being able to see. As soon as I lie down, I feel her sit on top of me and tie my arms to the bedpost. Then she gets off me and also ties my ankles to the bedpost and I'm immobilized again. I breathe deeply and calmly, although my body is already tensing with anticipation. Apparently, being so defenseless turns me on. Giving myself to her completely and just letting her rule over me. She lays on my side and nestles against my left side. 

"Something is different today," she says thoughtfully.