WITHERING FLOWER???

Josephine's pov waking up in the middle of the night is very tiring every f*****g day of my life taking drugs is also annoying things are annoying in my life But there is nothing I could do It is now part of me it is who I am it is me now and forever more, as they all said in the hospital yesterday Thinking about my life.... is nothing to talk about It's just doll and gloomy Everything is so gloomy in my life it even affecting the things and people related to me. That I feel pity for them having to stick to me. Staring at my gloomy sealing filled with sticker stars that giving a little light, trying to escape from the gloominess, For, I think the hundredth time , is gloomy and boring enough to turn me into a sadist I looked at the wall clock at the corner of my room, I guess it just 2:25am oh wow I have a lot time to drown into reality how fun that is I took my phone from my bedside table There was nothing I could do except for the beautiful 'game realm' that takes me from reality and that was what I needed >>>>>>>>>>>>> After what seemed like eternity I felt my eye begin to drop I looked at the time 4:50am oh wow at least I can sleep now I lay still there waiting for dreamless sleep To take me away from the reality horror >>>>>>>>>>>>> Waking up is the same thing every single day of my life As I waited, *knock knock * "young miss are you awake..? " "y.. yes" I hate myself for having a very thin and pathetic voice "ma'am says I should wake you up, breakfast is ready.. " "I.... will be there shortly " I watched as the maid scurried off from my sight I maybe diagnosed with C. F.S but my legs still works and for once in my life I'm greatfull for that 'cause the nuse told me must people who are diagnosed with CFS hardly work around as I do and believe me when I say I don't work around as much before I'm always getting too tired to do that, but I can still work around I got up from my bed and headed to my over large bath filling the tub with water then adding soap bubbles After going to brush while I filling the tub with water after done brushing , I strip out of my clothes I have gotten really thin my reflection on the mirror says it all I got into the bath and soaked myself in it >>>>>>>>>>> *knock knock * "young miss are you okay " I opened my eyes in a startle "y.. yes" "ma'am said I should check on you... miss are you okay" oh... I slept off "um... y.. yes I'm fine I must have slept off I'll be down in a few " I heared retreating foot steps I got out of the bath and changed into a cute summer dress soon found myself desending the stairs I was swaying a little but I'm okay I got to the dinning room found mom in a thinking state my elder brother right next to her also in a thinking mode picking round his food bacon and egg hmmm my favorite it's always my favorite they cook even if it is gloomy and boring they never show but I see it I'm not blind And then my younger sister my baby my darling They are my family look what I caused them even Lilly my 16yr old sister is thinking and all because of me I seriously don't know how to feel either good, happy that they care about me or sad, angry that they are in this state because of me?... Lilly is the first to notice me a big smile hits her face a very sincere smile I felt like crying but I know if I cry they would also cry they all cared and I'm scared if I die..... I smiled back giving a sincere one too "Sis Joe good morning ~!!" They all looked up now all of their faces brighten immediately the see me "Good morning lil sis...." I ruffled her hair a little she gives me a pouty smile I go over to mom giving her a kiss on the cheek "morning mom" I go over to my brother giving a fist pump "morning big bro " I said "morning darling " "yo Lil sis " I went over to my seat trying to run from reality and live a normal life *scoff* you wish >>>>>>> As I was eating "darling...... the new-" "mom not now, let these last for a while... Pls you can tell her later mom pls" my brother said what are they talking about I love my brother he always protects me from something that might likely hurt me That's why I'm wondering What are they talking about I didn't say anything and continued eating we ate in silence a peaceful one As soon as I was done I got up "I.. I'm done.... I will be in the garden if anyone needs me" I gave a warming smile and left The garden is also my safe place the flowers captures my attention and makes me feel like I am also part of them And the new rose bush I just started are magnificent now in my garden I have lots of flowers And different roses too they are beautiful the weather is so cool I lay on the treamed grasses under a tree And slept off >>>>>>>>>> "sis Joe dinner.. " an hused voice called me from sleeps hands I opened my eyes and immediately I felt nauseous oh no the sickness has striked again I couldn't move my body Steve together my eyes rolled my breathing quickened I could hear lily calling mom and Kelvin but I blacked out >>>>>>>>