Stuck at Nineteen
811 Words
>I was 7 and he was 8, when we first met.
We we're still in the second grade at that time. We we're classmates s***h seatmates who turned into best friends. My best friend who accidentally put a bubble gum into my hair causing me to have a short hair the next day.
>I was 10 and he was 11, when he left me behind.
I can still remember how I cried at that time. It was the first day of school and I hurriedly went home after school to go to their home thinking that maybe, he was absent because he got sick. But as soon as I arrived in there, I saw nothing but a dark empty house.
>I was 12 and he was 13, but until now, he's not back.
With the hopes of seeing him again, I kept on visiting their empty home even if I don't even know if they will come back or not. I met a lot of new people and befriend some of them, but nobody's like him. Even if I have a lot of new friends, I still miss him. I am still longing for him.
>I was 14 and he was 15, when I saw him again.
It's been four years.
It was summer back then when I decided to go and visit their empty home.
I stopped visiting it for maybe three months because I don't want to keep my hopes high for something that is uncertain.
But once I arrived in there, I was surprised to see him.
I didn't know how to act or what to say.
But as soon as I saw him, excitement and longing filled my heart causing me to run towards him and I gave him a tight hug.
I was expecting him to be happy and to hug me too, but instead, he pushed me away and walked inside their home like it never happened.
With a heavy heart and teary eyes, I started to walk away thinking that maybe, he just failed to recognize me and that he was just shocked with what I did.
>I was 15 and he was 16, he's near yet it feels like he's far from my reach.
Mornings would always feel like evening.
All I could do was to stare at him from afar like he's a star who seems so near, yet I couldnt even get a hold on to.
I tried several times to make him see who I am in his life. But everytime that I try to do it, he would kept on saying that he doesn't give a damn about the past and that he doesn't need me.
I did some crazy things already, just to make him recognize me.
I couldn't even go to their home because everytime that I do it his parents wouldn't let me in. Like I'm just a virus that shouldn't be inside their home.
>I was 17, and he was 18 when I decided to give up.
I may be very persistent, but I also know when to give up. Maybe, because of all the shameful things that he did to me, I decided to let go of the past.
I can't go on with my life if I'll just keep on pursuing him and our past.
I thought that it'll be easy, not until he showed up in my 18th birthday.
>I turned 18, and he was 19, he's finally back
It was during the 17th rose when I noticed something strange.
I was expecting that my 17th rose will be my brother. But contrary to my expectations, it wasnt him who danced with me, but HIM. The man that I've been avoiding. The man who caused too much pain to me.
It was awkward at first, but it seems like the surrounding quickly changed as soon as he smiled at me. It's like we we're just dancing alone, like the world had stopped for us.
Once again, I saw that young little boy who used to be my best friend.
I didn't saw the mocking smile that he would always give to me, but the genuine smile that I missed. At that moment, as we we're dancing, it seems like we came back to the past.
Happiness is all I could ever feel.
He's finally back.
That sweet and caring best friend that I missed for how many years. He finally came back.
How I wish that I cherished that moment even more.
I thought that everything will go smoothly after that.
But it didn't.
Unfortunately, destiny only let me borrow that moment.
Now, 5 years had already passed.
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I am now 23,
And
He's still 19.
We we're still young when he chose to leave me alone as he died because of suicide.
- Writer
