Who You Are

ten | just give me a reason

I spent the rest of the weekend sitting in the sun, watching the surf and thinking about life. There's a gentle calm that comes with sitting on the crest of rocks adorning a sea wall. My legs dangled from the end as the ocean crashed across the sand in a rhythmic fashion, the scent of salt and the sunshine against my face are enough to make the breath come in even and my heart to beat steady.

I'm not sure how long I actually sit here. All I know is that the sun sits at a peak in the sky, before settling on the horizon in a deep orange glow. I'm surprised Greta hasn't come out to check on me, but to be fair, I haven't focused on anything other than the sea since I sat here.

I've been so lost in my own mind I don't notice much of anything around me. Until I'm sitting here, in the dusk of darker colors and hear the sand kick up as someone shuffles across it. I finally tear my eyes away and look at the person running. As they get closer, and a form takes shape, I can make out every defining feature of Kade Brinson. Once again my heart races into overdrive, my veins tingle and my toes clench at the anticipation of having him close to me.

He's close to passing me, not having noticed me, though I've definitely noticed him. His shirt is damp, his hair is a disastrous mess and sweat sticks to every visible surface. I'm lost in him. In the way his muscles twitch with every movement. I'm lost in the way the dark sun shines around him, silhouetting him in perfect light.

"Firefly? Hey," he says suddenly. I jump, moving my eyes to meet his. He stands tall, running his hand through his hair as he takes the ear buds from his ears. "What are you doing out here?"

I stumbled over words in my head, trying to come up with the right sentence. "Escaping," I reply softly. He looks at me with confusion, lifting his feet to walk closer.

"Are you okay?" he asks. His eyebrows furrow and his lips part as he asks, and I once again catch myself lost in his appearance.

"Yeah," I squeak. Clearing my throat, I try again. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

I nod, and at this point I can't quite make eyes contact. They stick back to the sea as the waves crash endlessly. After a moment of hesitation, Kade stuffs his headphones into the pockets of his gym shorts and sits beside me. We sit in silence before I find the nerve to speak.

"I never really had a safe place before," I say. He looks at me in surprise, maybe from the statement or maybe from me being the first to speak. "I don't think I'll ever want to leave this."

He looks at the side of my face for a short minute. "I'm glad you have it now."

I turn to look at him, and in his eyes I find understanding. I find sadness, not pity. And I find a small smile as he rakes his eyes over my face. "Me too."

"Can I tell you something?" he asks, seriously. My eyes find the sunset once again.

"Of course," I reply.

"I think you might be sun burnt."

I jerk my head towards him, seeing the smile widen. "Is that why my face hurts?" I ask, touching it.

He lets out a loud laugh, causing me to laugh with him. "Let's get you inside," he says, standing. "You need to get some aloe on it." I look at him; hand outstretched with the smile still lingering across his lips. I put my hand in his and let him hoist me from the wall.

"You can get back to your run if you want too," I say. We walk the beach to the steps that lead to the back deck, hands still held together.

He looks back at me, "I was almost done anyways."

I nod. I'm not sure what to say back to that, so I just follow closely behind him.

The french doors sit open onto the back deck. The white, sheer curtains float in the breeze and an upbeat tune cascades around us as we enter. Kade pulls me through the door, following the sound of the music to the kitchen as Greta sits in front of the stove. She rocks her hips back and forth, stirring something inside of a pot as she sings along to 'I kissed a girl' by Katy Perry. We both stop in our tracks as we watch her swing back and forth and belt out every word.

Kade looks at me, eyebrows to the roof and lips parted in shock. I look at him with the same expression, holding for a moment before we both bust out in laughter. We're both crying by the time we can bring ourselves to make eye contact with Greta. She stand facing us, hands on her hips, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

She sniffs, "It's rude to sneak up on an old lady."

We laugh harder, causing her to huff and turn back towards the stove. But I catch a smile before she does.

"Sorry Greta, we didn't mean to interrupt your dance party," Kade replies. "I just wonder why we weren't invited to join?" He holds a mischievous smile on his face as he rounds the counter to the speaker attached to Greta's phone. He turns the volume up, bows graciously to the "old lady" and takes her hand in a firm grasp before twirling her around in loops and spins. I laugh while I watch them, transfixed by the easy energy that flows between them. My smile sticks to my face as the song ends and he bows again and kisses her hand. She playfully bats her eyelashes and curtsies. And I'm so wrapped up in the simple banter between them that I don't notice the song change and Kade making his way towards me.

Before I can blink, he's holding my hand in his grasp and directing his bow towards me. A gentle kiss is placed upon the top of my hand and he looks into my wide eyes as he does it. The music switches to something deeper, but still feminine. And I grasp his hand further as he asks me to dance with a simple look on his face.

I'm utterly terrified to hold him so close to me. To breathe in his scent. To feel the warmth of his arms around me and the strength of his shoulders underneath my hand. But closing my eyes, and taking a deep breath I nod my head and flinch slightly as he places my hands on either shoulder, his own taking residence against my hips. The distance between us closes and the song resonates around us as we sway through the open kitchen. The french doors we came through are still open. The curtains still billow with the wind and the sky still shines different shades of red.

I'm lost in this moment. Lost in the feeling, in the smell, in the bliss.

His chest vibrates against me as he hums alongside the song that harmonizes the sway we dance in.

Right from the start.

You were a thief, you stole my heart.

And I, your willing victim.

I let you see parts of me, that weren't all that pretty.

And with every touch, you fixed them.

Our eyes lock as the words pour around us. And I'm not sure how long we're lost in each other, all I know is the song comes to an end, and we're still dancing. The tune changes to an old school rock and roll, and Greta enters the room through the hall. I'm not sure when she left us, but I catch her out of the corner of my eye with her cell phone up and a click going off. Kade smiles down at me, knowing full well what she's doing. He takes my left hand in his, putting his lips to my palm with a simple kiss. My eyelids flutter as my heart stutters.

"I better get home," he says, just as breathless as I. He steps from me, eyes still latched to mine. He takes a deep breath, runs his hand through his disheveled hair and smiles brightly. "Thanks for the impromptu dance party Greta, you've got killer moves."

"Anytime honey, anytime," Greta replies, waving a hand over her head as her attentions sticks to the pot of food on the stove.

"I'll see you in the morning, firefly?" Kade asks, backing towards the open doors. I nod slightly, smile gracing my closed mouth. "Don't forget to put some aloe on your face so you don't peel."

I watch him walk out the door. As the sun sucks him in and he disappears from sight. Greta comes to stand next to me, arms crossed and watching through the doors with me. "He's a great boy," she says. I look to her, smiling softly.

"Yeah, he's been great."

"So. Are you guys a thing, or?"

I blush profusely. At least I think I'm blushing, it's hard to tell since my face is already red and aflame. "No."

"That's a shame," she replies. We eat dinner shortly after that, out on the deck underneath the evening sky. And at the end of the night, she kisses my cheek and we ventures to our own rooms.

And I lay here, listening to the song we danced to on repeat and thinking of stunning grey eyes and a broad smile as I fall asleep peacefully.

That's the first night I went without a single nightmare.