Things She Didn't Know

Chapter 5- Where the Wild Things Grow

Jamie POV - 3 years later..

For as long back as I can remember, I have always loved nature. Loved taking deep hikes through the forest, intrigued by every different type of tree known to mankind. Always drawn towards the different plants that would sprout up from the forest floors.

I was always just so amazed by their beautifully unique shaped leaves and their gorgeous colors. I couldn't explain the connection I felt. Even if anyone actually wanted to know. All I would be able to say I guess would be. I have always felt like I belonged to Mothet Nature. The trees, the plants, the forest itself, always felt like home.

Sqinting from the brightness of the day, I glance up, letting my eyes swep over the leaves, rustling back and forth from the breeze, making its way up from the waters below. The sun beaming off everything it touches. Giving everything a golden like glow.

"You're a weirdo, Jamie!" Some of the kids would say laughing at me. "She's so dirty! Look at her knees!" Again, always laughing. For the longest time, I just didn't understand them.

I never bothered anyone, I never asked to play with anyone. I just did my own thing. But the older I got, the more cruel their words would get.

They would giggle and whisper to each other, " Jamie talks to trees!" "Oh my! Did you guys see what she just did!!" They never seemed to grow bored of this. "How many twigs and leaves do you got in them pockets today, Tree Girl?!" The boys were the worst. always dropping things in my hair while I was sitting against the trees reading books, or while I was finding herbs as I grew. Dropping things turned into pushing me down." You like the dirt so much, then stay down in it, dirty mutt." It was never just one. It was always a few of them together. I never fought back. Never felt the need, as I never let their words bother me. At least not until he spoke up one day. One of them had shoved me down again while I was inspecting a plants bottom leaf. I didn't even hear them come up on me. Something in me stirred, and I realized how wrong it was that they treated me this way. I felt a pang in my chest. It hurt. I mean, it always hurt to get shoved around. But this was different. He came up, and the others moved. At first, I thought I saw sadness in his eyes. But I was wrong.

"Why you guys are always wasting your time on.." He looked me up and down. I saw something flash in his eyes as he looked me in the face. I thought for once someone would help me up.. but what I thought was soon crushed as he instead turned to the guys next to him and laughed. I didn't understand what I was feeling. He looked back at me, shaking his head as he continued. " Why you guys are always wasting your time on her." he slightly lifted a hand to point down at me, adding "Key word here boys 'waste. " " You're wasting your time on a mistake." When saying this, I couldn't even look away from him! It was awful. All I felt was his eyes burning through me with so much hatred. Why was he so angry with me? Why did this bother me so much!? I had started to back crawl away from them, causing a few to chuckle and another to kick some dirt at me. He walked up in front of me and bent down. My breath caught in my throat the closer he got. I started to move backward again, starting to feel a bit light-headed. I couldn't breathe. He just stayed there for a moment, watching me. Bent down looking from my knees to my hands, then my face before saying "Come on boys, Lets get back," he said, turning to his friends, I finally brought myself to look away from them, him. Bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around myself, I felt so wrong.

I knew the moment he stopped looking at me. I instantly felt cold. Causing a thickness in my chest and lump in the throat.

As he walked away with the rest, I felt the warmth of a tear come down my cheek. Something I hadn't felt sense the day I had been found. From there on, I couldn't ignore the insuls. Instead, I made it a point to look each and every person in the eyes. Making damn sure they knew, I had heard them.

But even then, the whispering never stopped. I Clentching my hand into a fist with a hand full of grass. Giving it a light tug as I always did to remind myself that I'm OK, I'm grounded.

I'm brought out of my thoughts and memories by a little girls laughter. Looking back over my shoulder, I see one of the ladies I see in passing often making her way down the hill side path with her daughter. I live just on the edge of town with only a few other homes or cabins close by. I'm pretty sure they live just down the road from me. Watching them hand in hand make their way down into the clearing. I can feel a smile pulling at my lips as I watch the little girl running her hands through the tall grass, trying to grab at every pretty wild flower as they go by. "Mommy, can we pick some of these?" she says as she plucks one. "These will all be for you!" She says in such a sweet little voice. Her Mom stops and bends down. She smiles lovingly at her daughter as she pushes a strand of the girl's blonde hair behind her ears. Close enough for me to hear them, I listen to what the mother says to the little one.

" That is so special of you, my sweet girl. But, can Mommy ask you a question about these flowers?" The little girl looks at her mom, smiling wide with her blue eyes sparkling. "Of course, Mommy! I know everything there is to know about wildflowers. I love them so much, Mommy! They are my ffffaaaaavvvvvvrite!!" she says, clapping her hands as she jumps and wiggles around excitedly. Her mom, still bent down to her level, brings her arms up and wraps them around her daughter in another hug. "Oh, I know you do, baby! You're so smart! Can you tell Mommy why you love them so much?" Beaming even brighter this time the little girl responds, "because they're so beautiful, mommy, they're so beautiful just like you!" She giggles, holding up the flower she picked next to her mothers face. "See, Mommy, beautiful just like you!" She giggles. The mother, still smiling stands, takes her daughter by the hand, walking closer towards some of the flowers. She leads the little girl over to a bright bundle and sighs as she crouches down to smell them. Bringing her attention back to her daughter, "If you love a flower, don't pick it up, baby. Because if you pick it up, it dies, and it ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be." She reaches a hand over to caress her daughter's cheek. The little girl looked up at her, slightly confused. " I, I don't understand, Mommy. I just wanted to give you something beautiful." Her face giving away her feelings. " Oh, baby, I love you for your big heart!" she bends down again to embrace her daughter. Hugging her closely, she begins to explain further. "Mommy loves you so much. I love listening to you, I love watching you, helping you grow. I love seeing you spread your joy everywhere you go. Most of all, I love wrapping you up in my arms, hugging you with all my love." Her daughter now giggles again while her mommy gives her butterfly kisses. " I love knowing that you're right here, in my arms, safe and sound. But I could never keep you in a hug forever. You wouldn't be free. So baby, you see, once a hug ends , you let the other person go. So they can continue doing what they love and being who you love." Stroking her daughter's hair she leans back to look at her softly adding, "Meaning that truly loving something means appreciating it without taking it away or trying to possess it fully, loving it but allowing it to be free. Do you understand?" This time wrapping her arms around her mommy's neck, " I understand now, Mommy." she says and takes a step back and mimics what her mom had done. Bends over and sniffs the beautiful cluster of wildflowers, looking back up at her mommy, " Can we visit them again tomorrow?" Her mom chuckles, bringing her finger forward, poking her daughters cute little nose. "Of course, baby, because they'll still be here, maybe even more beautiful than they were today." she says with a wink, and they start moving along the path again, making their way down to the sandy beach below. I watched as they went admiring the beautiful lesson that mother just taught her daughter. Shortly after, I decided it was time to head back before the air got too chilly. Walking up the steep path in front of me, I started thinking about how young I was when I first made my way down this path, alone.

This was the last town I had moved to when I was 12. Rothsdale is on the smaller side compared to what I remember some of the other places I had stayed. But it was cozy and seemed to be the perfect mixture of what I needed, the ocean breeze and the forest at my feet, and it's absolutely gorgeous all year round.

I'm sitting out on the back porch now with my favorite fuzzy blanket, watching the sun start to hide behind the trees. I've come a long way since I first moved here. Since I found my healing space. It's my favorite place to visit at least once each season. I'm very proud of the healing I've gone through. I'm not that same little girl who had no friends, the 'Tree Girl' who got picked on constantly. I know I'm different, and I'm grateful for that. I'm so thankful for Miss Emma, who took me in when I arrived here. I thanked my lucky stars when I found out she also had a love for nature and knew how to use plants in specific special ways. Without her, I have no doubt I would have been lost growing up. It took me a while to open up to her about myself, but once I did, I became an open book. I couldn't bring myself to tell her about my experiences with what I now call night terrors. Dreams like memories along with all those f****d up thoughts that couldn't be mine. She sensed there was something wrong and over time I made the choice to trust her, and she did the same for me. Really, she saved me. I lost my way when Sarah passed and honestly I never thought I'd be ok after that. Everything got so much worse. My thoughts grew louder. Dreams came more often, even

while I was awake, it was always harder to wake from than before. Then the feelings, one minute I would feel like I was pleading with myself for something or anything, the next minute, just feeling so angry. That's about when the pains started getting stronger, the gut tearing pain that felt like something was trying to claw its way out of me. After a few nights of seeing me suffer with able being able to do anything to help, she asked me with tears in her eyes to let her bring a witch. I barely remember anything else from that night. The witch had come, and her and Emma had talked for a long while. All I really remember was the end. When the pain started again, they both came back into the room. After that , everything went blank after. When she removed the pain, along with it went the voice that used to instigate and tear me down. I think about that woman from time to time. Someday, I'd like to thank her. Because of Emma, I learned to be openly ok with being myself. She may not have been my family by blood. But that women became my roots. My beacon of home, no matter what. I loved her more than anything else in this world next to Sarah..

She also taught me that being someone else's kind of crazy didn't really make me crazy. We are all unique.

If I had met her sooner in life, I wouldn't have wasted so much time staying to myself growing up. Life was less painful that way, but the memories I could have had, I shook my head thinking about what could have been, but now it's just me.

Letting out a deep sign realizing the sun has just about gone down and the cold has started to set in. I wrap myself tightly into my blanket as I get up and start heading back in for the night. Opening the door leading into the kitchen, I stop when I hear a lowly howl. It sounds sad, broken even. For a moment, I could feel its longing. most likely for its mate. I've read so many wolf romance books, what I wouldn't give to have someone love me unconditionally. Dont get me wrong, im not lonely. But sometimes I feel like Im supposed to have more. Like I'm still waiting for someone to come.

Miss Emma once told me a story, one that always pulled on my heart strings when she told it. Yet somehow always brought me comfort when I would have this 'longing' feeling in my chest. Shutting the door and checking the locks, I head to the sink for some water. After gulping that down I figured it was time to call it a day. Slowly climbing my staris, my mind starts to real back on Emma's story. crossing the hallway and entering my room, I yank the blankets back before jumping in. It was a story about a healer, one that had to learn to heal herself before she could help others. There was a secret she needed to uncover to open the doorway to her heart. If she didn't figure it out, 2 hearts would be broken, not just one. Though I do remember it being a sad story, something always told me she figures it out. Miss Emma always said it was best to leave the ending untold, to just let it unfold each time we told the story. She always seemed certain that some of the missing puzzle pieces would fall into place over time, I always found comfort in that..

Rolling over and settling in, I hear that lowly howl again. Closing my eyes, I take a few seconds to send up a prayer. I'm hoping that wolf finds what it's looking for or what it has lost. With that, I allow myself to drift off to sleep.