The K is for Karma

3.

-Kota

Waking up in this comfortable plush bed it was like I was dreaming, but feeling the cold air brush against my feet caused me to slowly open my eyes, after falling asleep on the couch last night I woke up making my way upstairs to take a quick shower and got into bed, not knowing if Tommy was home or not I tried to stay as quiet as possible because by the time I was done taking a shower and got into bed it was about midnight, rolling around the bed and breathing a sigh of relief I finally got up. Making the bed quickly I walked into the bathroom that was connected to my room and brushed my teeth and washed my face with the soap that was on the counter. Walking back into the room I grabbed my phone off of the bed seeing it was really early in the morning about six-thirty. My stomach was growling at this point, Tommy said I could help myself to anything right? It was still weird being in this house with someone that I barely knew something in my heart told me that I could trust him but I just wasn't ready to do that, I couldn't possibly let anyone else in. Tommy was nice but I still was not sure about him, I felt bad for always flinching or saying sorry but I was so used to it. deciding to make a quick breakfast I placed a plate for Tommy in the microwave. After I got done eating I made sure to clean up my mess, not really feeling comfortable sitting in the living room I went back up to my room to just sit on the bed waiting for Tommy to wake up. Laying on my stomach I grabbed my phone off the bed, I hadn't had a phone before when my dad was still here he said I was too young, he didn't want me talking to boys and posting pictures of myself all over the internet so this was the first time that I had one of my own. Scrolling through the apps I didn't find much that interested me so I went to the app store and downloaded i********:, YouTube, and t****k. I didn't have any pictures of myself to post so I made my profile picture on i********: a picture of my favorite flower, daisies. A few hours passed Tommy woke up eventually coming into my room to check on me he realized that I had already been up and told me I didn't have to just sit in my room, now I sat at the bar with him and watched him eat until he was done, he left to get dressed I didn't have any other clothes other than the outfit he got me when I came home from the hospital so I put the sweats on and kept on the white shirt that I had gotten last night from the closet that was in my room.

I got dressed quickly and let my long curly hair fall down my back. I grabbed the phone he gave me slipping it into my pocket and waited downstairs for him on the couch. He got dressed pretty quickly, I don't even remember the last time I went to the mall to go shopping. A part of me was so excited but then again a part of me was unsure about him buying me things. I wish I could just talk to my dad, he would tell me everything would be okay. I wished I had him now more than ever, I felt alone even though I had Tommy it wasn't the same, I felt like he was only helping me on the strength that he knew my dad. I always heard my daddy say no one is helping you for free, everybody will want something from you sooner or later.

"You ready to go K?" Tommy asked me as he was walking down the stairs. "Yes, I'm ready," I said to him as he walked towards the front door. We went to a mall that was about a half-hour away, I had never been to this one, pulling up to the mall the music in the car finally stopped giving me the opportunity to ask Tommy about my dad, I hadn't gotten to talk to him or see him going on almost four years now. I honestly don't even know if he's alive, "Umm Tommy?" I said to him turning in my seat, "I was wondering if you've talked to my dad? I was thinking maybe you could take me to see him, I haven't been able to talk to him at all, have you?" I asked looking at him, staring at the side of his face I saw I made him a little uncomfortable he clenched his jaw muscles tightly as he thought about the question I asked him. "Nah I haven't talked to him, I got word that s**t has been rough for him in there and they not letting him do s**t. I'm working with his lawyer to get s**t figured out though, I should be hearing from the lawyer soon." He said looking at me. This was the first time I had actually looked him in the eye I could see that this was affecting him, it made me feel bad for asking but I needed to know something. "Oh okay, do you think you could let me know when you find anything out, I really miss him?"I finally said back to him, "Yeah as soon as I know anything I'll let you know. Now let's stop talking about this sad s**t and spend a bag." He said trying to sound like he was in a better mood.

I smiled to myself, he was starting to seem more and more tolerable, I got out of the car and we walked into the mall. "Here ma, gone ahead and get whatever you want you can meet me at the food center in two hours." He said handing me a huge ass wad of money, from the looks of the wad it was all hundreds. I looked at him seeing he was smiling, he was so confusing to me. "Wow I can't take all this money, Tommy," I said to him pushing his hand slightly away from me. "Girl take the money please, have fun you deserve it. Plus you don't have any clothes or any of that girly s**t yall females be using." He said stuffing the money in the pocket of my sweats. "Thank-you Tommy," I said. He gave me one last smile then started in the direction of the shoe store that was right in front of us.

I walked down the hall of the mall looking at all the stores, I didn't have a style but I knew it wasn't going to be expensive at all. I walked into Victoria Secrets first spending the 400$ on underwear, bras, and pajamas, I was a little nervous to be spending all this money but after spending the first 400$ the rest was like a piece of cake. I went into all kinds of stores and bought clothes that I thought were cute, I even went into a hair type of store and talked with the lady, she helped me pick out a bunch of stuff for my curly hair. Since being older I had never put anything in my hair, I was so excited to be able to finally do it and add things to it. I bought shoes to match everything, the bags were starting to get heavy, I had been shopping for a while it had to be well past an hour, maybe I did need that two hours after all. I found a bench in the middle of the mall, I set all of the bags down so I could check the time, I pulled out my phone and seen it had already been an hour and a half.

"Damn shawty you spending a bag huh?" I heard a voice say, I lifted my head from looking at my phone not recognizing the man that was now standing in front of me I didn't know exactly how to respond so I just smiled and went back to looking at my phone. I knew I needed to make my way to the food center now. "Can I get your number? You pretty as hell?" He said while reaching in to touch my hair. I moved out of his reach so he couldn't touch my hair. "No, please don't touch my hair," I said nicely to him. I wasn't trying to be rude but I didn't know him and wasn't just about to let him touch me. "Oh, so you a stuck up b***h huh. I got sumin that'll work on ya lil bougie ass." He said in a harsh tone getting closer to me.

I felt a strong arm wrap around my waist, I looked quickly to the side of me and seen it was Tommy, "You good baby? Is this bum b***h f*****g with you?" Tommy said in a tone that was angry yet sarcastic. "Oh my bad T I ain't know this was you and s**t my bad, no disrespect bro." the guy said as he put his hands up in defense. "Don't let that s**t happen again bitch." Tommy said in a more serious tone. The guy walked away not even looking back. "My bad K I ain't mean to grab you like that, I just know he is a f**k boy and if I didn't make myself known s**t would have gone left," Tommy said to me releasing me from his grip. Oh, it's fine, it's okay I understand. I said getting shy again all of a sudden. "This all ya stuff ma?" Tommy said pointing to all the bags that were sitting on the bench. Um yes, they are all mine, I said looking at the ground. "You weren't playing I guess. "He said laughing as he grabbed the bags. "You hungry?" he asked. "I could eat," I said as I shoved my phone back in my pocket.

We walked to the food center in comfortable silence, I saw that Tommy had a few bags of his own I was curious to see what he bought. I felt safe in Tommy's hands when he grabbed my waist, I haven't ever felt the way I felt when his hands touched me. Something about it sent chills throughout my whole body. Tommy decided on pizza and I got pizza, curly fries, cheese, and hot wings. I was finally done getting all my food and met Tommy at the booth he was sitting at, he already started eating his pizza. "Damn ma you hungry or sumin?" he said laughing. "Yes Tommy I am, that's why I got all this food," I said as I picked up a curly fry dipping it in the cheese. "Okay, then fats eat up." He said taking another bite of his pizza.

I didn't realize how much of a big deal Tommy was, the way the guy reacted earlier told me a lot. "Whatcha thinking about K?" Tommy asked me just as he was finishing eating his pizza. "Oh, nothing," I said not going to tell him what I was really thinking about. "Tell me," he said not dropping it. "I'm just thinking about what you got I saw you had a few bags of your own," I said. "Oh okay, well I'll show you what I got when we get home, you ready?" he asked. Yes, I'm ready, we can go now. I said as I piled all my trash up and threw it away.

Getting home I was excited to put all my new clothes, shoes, and things away. I was also excited to see what he got for himself, this whole experience was so new to me. I grabbed all of my bags from the backseat before he had a chance to get them for me and took them upstairs to my room. "Aye K?" I heard Tommy yell from the bottom of the stairs. I walked out of my room and walked to the top of the stairs. Yea, I asked waiting for his response he just stood there looking up at me. "I'm bout to head out real quick I'll be back in an hour." He said and was out of the door before I was able to respond. We had fun today, I wonder why it seemed like he was always trying to leave almost like he didn't want to be here with me. Walking back into my room I started to grab all of the clothes out of the bags and lay them on my bed, looking at everything I picked out getting excited all over again. After everything was placed on the bed I began to put everything away taking the tags placing them in a neat pile on my bed so when I was done I could take them downstairs to throw them away. Hours had pasted yet Tommy wasn't home yet, I hated being in this house alone, but I guess it was far better than being with my mother. Since I got so many new pajamas at the mall I decided on taking a nice hot bubble bath and putting on some new pj's and fluffy socks, after I got out I planned on watching a few YouTube videos on how to use and put everything in my hair that I had gotten today. I guess this wasn't so bad after all. Going through the pj's I got today I settled on this yellow set, It came with shorts and a cropped tank top. I opted not to wear a bra or underwear since I was just going to be going to bed anyway. Picking up a cute white pair of super fuzzy socks to also put on.   

Laying everything on the bed along with body oil and lotion I was now ready to start running my bathwater, walking into the bathroom that was connected to my room I started the water and added a tiny bit of the body wash I had also gotten today just to have a few bubbles. The water-filled fast as I took my clothes off and stepped into the tub. Laying down in the water letting the hot water fully consume my body it was so relaxing. Although I hated my mother my mind drifted to her as I was soaking in the water, how could she treat me so badly, why did she hate me so much? It was like I didn't mean anything to her. My ribs began to ache a little as I thought more and more about her. I f*****g hated her and one day she would feel the same pain that she put me through for the last three years. I wish she was dead, I didn't want Tommy to kill her though. I would be the one to do it...