The K is for Karma

September 15th, 2010 "Kota get yo f*****g ass out here right now." I heard my mom yell from the front of the house. I rushed out of my room quickly running into the living room, standing in front of the person who gave birth to me seventeen years ago on this day. Today was my 17th birthday and I'm sure she didn't even remember. "Yes ma'am," I said, looking down at the floor, the carpet that used to be white was now riddled with stains of dirt and blood. I felt a sharp burning on the side of my face, she slapped me. "Stupid didn't I tell you to look at me when I'm talking to you." she said, in her normally harsh tone."Yes, ma'am, I'm sorry I won't let it happen again." I said, now looking her in the eyes as I held my cheek. I learned a long time ago to control my tears, if I let a tear slip out then I knew it would be ten times worse. Looking into her eyes they were bloodshot and yellowed, her once beautiful skin was now slightly wrinkled and her hair was thinning. I hated being around her and tried my best to avoid any contact with her as much as I could. "Get your stupid ass in the f*****g kitchen and make dinner I'm hungry and Kevin is coming over, don't you even think about eating none of that s**t in there, until you can bring some money in this b***h you can't eat s**t in my house," she said, as she took a sip of whatever was in the red cup she was drinking from. My heart sank when she said Kevin, Kevin was her newest boyfriend he made my skin crawl every single time I was around him. He tried sneaking into my room but I always made sure to lock my door, so he was never actually able to get in. It had only been happening for a few weeks but I knew I just couldn't handle it anymore. If my mom found out I was locking my door it would be far worse than Kevin actually being able to get into my room. Just the thought of him creeped me out. I missed my daddy so much and couldn't wait for the day when he returned home. I hated my mom and hated being in this house. When my daddy was home he would be working most of the time, he wouldn't know but I would hide in his office in the closet, playing with my toys and listening to him work. I would always end up falling asleep. He took me along for a few meetings, my mother hated that he involved me in his work but I loved it. He was and still is my world he is the only reason I keep going, the thought of him eventually getting out was all I needed. He was one of the most influential people in the drug game and was respected by everyone. He always taught me to not let anyone see me as weak, to be strong, I could always kind of tell that he wanted a son but got me instead. He treated me like I was his son when it came to working things but everything else he treated me like a princess. I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, seeing there was nothing inside but an old container of spoiled milk and a few slices of cheese and condiments. I closed the fridge looking in the cabinets to find the same as the refrigerator empty, I knew If I told her she would find a way to make it my fault, but if I didn't tell her then she would be even more upset that I wasn't in here cooking. Although I was only seventeen I had to grow up fast, I had been cooking and cleaning and taking care of my mother for the last three years. My father got locked up three years ago when he killed someone but that was all I knew from the situation no one ever fully told me what happened. My family used to be happy, well as happy as any family could be, It was always different for me because my mom was white and my father was black. I was really light and had really curly long blonde hair. People would make comments about my color or that my hair was fake, growing up I felt self-conscious about my appearance. After my dad went to jail everything changed, my mom started drinking more. She also started hitting me, she quit her job at the hospital everything changed. I was still going to school but things at school started to change for me also because my appearance changed drastically my once healthy weight was now gone and I was bone thin because she would only allow me to eat a very few times a week.  I looked so thin and unhealthy my skin was nice and smooth I just kind of looked sickly. I snapped out of my thoughts as I walked back into the living room, umm mom I.. I.. mean ma'am we don't have anything for me to make in the kitchen I looked through all the cabinets and the fridge. "Here stupid go to the f*****g store and hurry the f**k up," she said, as she threw a few 20's at me. I caught one and the other two fell to the floor, I reached down to grab them as I was bending back up I felt a hard kick to my side. She kicked me and I fell to the ground grabbing my side. "Get the f**k up now little b***h, you want to embarrass me and s**t saying we don't have food huh," she said as she stood over me. I guess I wasn't moving fast enough because her foot came crashing down on my back as she kicked me again. I fell to the ground and made a small noise as I was gasping for air. I used the only strength I had left and managed to get up and walk to the back of the house to my room. I walked in and closed the door and leaned up against the back of the door and slid to the ground, I cried silently for a moment. But that's all I gave myself was a moment. I knew If I took too long then it would be twice as bad. It was getting cold outside so I walked to my closet and found a sweater since my father had been gone for three years I haven't had any new clothes so all my clothes were too small and extremely tight on me. I found one that wasn't so bad a carefully slid it over my head. I put on my shoes and stuffed the money in my pocket. I lifted up my shirt and looked at my stomach and side in the mirror I was already starting to get a bruise on my stomach, I had varies scars all over my body from the last three years of abuse. I quickly walked through the living room and out the front door, the brisk air hit my face and body cooling me down almost instantly. It was around seven o'clock so it was starting to get a little dark out, I kept my head down and wrapped my arms around my body as I made my way down the street to the store. I've made this walk so many times it wasn't so bad I just hated going out so late. There were a lot of creepy-ass old guys that would just stand outside yelling things. My side was hurting so much it was getting harder for me to breathe as I continued walking. The walk that usually took me only ten minutes was now going on fifteen minutes. I was walking and it sounded like someone was walking behind me but I knew better than to look back so I just continued to walk and ignore the noise. I saw the store in the distance and was so relieved. Just as I was walking up to the store I felt someone grab my arm from behind. I tried hard to scream but my scream didn't come out, it was so hard for me to even breathe let alone scream. I felt myself getting dizzy and light headed as the person's strong hands grabbed me as I fell backward. "Chill shorty you okay?" I heard a deep voice say. I struggled to breathe as my eyes fluttered. I tried hard to keep my eyes open I knew If I closed them then I probably wouldn't make it. Before I knew it the stranger swooped me up in his arms and started running. I was unconscious before I knew it... Waking up I heard beeping and felt like someone was staring at me, I looked around and noticed I was in the hospital. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I realized I wasn't at home and I knew my mother would freak the f**k out and say I was faking and I would end up getting beat worse than I ever have. I started pulling the things that were attached to my body off and the needle thing that was in my arm out. "Chill girl what the f**k you doing, chill the f**k out." I heard the same voice from earlier say. The nurse came rushing into the room trying to get me to calm down but I couldn't, the tears streamed down my face uncontrollably as the nurse came in and pinned my arms to my side. I had gotten so good at not showing my emotions it was a surprise that I was even crying right now. "Calm down sweetie you are okay, you are in the hospital, this young man brought you in here he said he found you passed out. Do you know your name or maybe your mother's name and phone number so we can call her? It looks like you were badly beaten and you had a few fractured ribs and if this young man didn't bring you in when he did then you probably wouldn't be here right now. We wrapped you up and gave you an IV. You should be fine to go in a few days." The pretty woman said to me as she let my arms go. All I heard was a few days and knew there was no possible way that I could stay here for another moment. I closed my eyes and hoped when I opened them this was all a horrible dream. I felt myself getting sleepy my eyes were so heavy and before I knew it I was sleeping again. I woke up and felt so much pressure on my chest, it felt like someone was sitting on me. I looked around and realized that I was still in the hospital. I looked around the room and seen a boy sleeping in a chair that was sitting next to my bed. He looked older than me but still kind of young, he looked a little familiar like I'd seen him around before. He started moving a little and I closed my eyes to act like I was still sleeping. I didn't know what he could possibly want from me but I knew It probably wasn't good. "Aye, you can stop pretending to be sleep now I see you up," he said. I opened my eyes slowly and rolled them. Who even are you? Why did you bring me here you could have just left me I would have been better off. I said with a little attitude. It was nice of him to bring me here but I knew it would cause more trouble than actually help out. "I don't know what the hell you smokin but you was breathing crazy as hell and I was just going to ask if you was good when you passed out and s**t. But cool if you good and s**t them I'm out of here," he said as he stood up. Just as he was standing up the nurse from earlier walked in smiling. "We got ahold of your mother sweetie, she should be here any minute now," she said. Just the thought of my mother coming here sent me into a whirlwind of feelings. NO NOO NO Please don't Please. Was all I got out. The door opened again and in walked my mother, her eyes were barely open as she walked up to the bed ignoring all the people in the room, she yanked me up by my arm. "What the f**k did you do bitch." she said slurring her words. Ma'am, I'm so sorry was all I was able to get out before her hand came crashing down on my face. The nurse looked like she saw a ghost and was completely silent and the boy that was in the room looked like he was going to kill her. He jumped from his spot and pushed her down to the ground, and pulled a gun out of the back of his pants pointing it directly in her face. " Yo b***h what the f**k is wrong with you, your f*****g seed is in the hospital and just almost died and now you hitting her and shit." He said still pointing the gun in her face. I haven't seen my mom cry in three years but she began to cry and beg him not to shoot her the poor nurse looked like she might die of fear. I wanted him to pull that trigger so badly and end all my problems. But I knew it wouldn't make the pain she caused just disappear. I finally spoke up, don't shoot her please I managed to get out. He looked at me and shook his head but put his gun back in his pants behind his back. I didn't even know this boy yet he was willing to kill for me. "Get the f**k up and get the f**k outta here man, and don't f*****g come back," he said to her as she was still sitting on the floor crying. She got up and quickly left out of the room the nurse followed behind her. I didn't want her to call the police but something in the back of my head told me she wouldn't. Now I was left in the room with just this boy who was now staring at me, I could tell he wanted to say something but he didn't. Listen I'm sorry for getting an attitude earlier, I'm just going through a lot right now. "It's all good ma, my name is Tommy but everybody calls me "T". I used to work with your pops before he got jammed up by the feds." He said as he came back by the bed and sat down. Maybe that's where I knew him from, maybe I saw him at a meeting that I went to with my daddy. My dad hasn't been able to contact anyone since he's been there, my mom cried for so long but then eventually just took to drinking. I missed him so much and today out of all days for it to be my birthday really was messing with me. Thank - you for bringing me here Tommy, I didn't realize it was as bad as it was. I just don't know what I'm going to do after I get released from here there is no possible way that I can go back with her, she hasn't been the same since he got locked up. I told him being really honest, I don't know why I felt like I could trust him, maybe it was because he worked with my dad or maybe I was just emotional because of everything that happened today. It was beginning to be way too much. I didn't have a f*****g dollar to my name, all my clothes were too small my shoes had holes in them and didn't fit. I was becoming depressed, the only thing that kept me going is the thought of my dad and how he wouldn't want to see me so down. "Well um ya pops was kinda like a father to me so if you want and s**t you can come stay wit me, I don't live to far from where you stay and I can look out for you for a while until you get ya s**t together," he said looking at the ground. It was like he was tough but for some reason, he was shy like he didn't want to look me in my face. That would be really nice Tommy, thank-you. The nurse said I should be able to leave here in a few days but I'm going to see if I can leave today, I hate being here and I don't want to risk my mom showing back up because if you aren't here to scare her I know I'll have to go. I told him. "Ya moms won't be showing back up here I can assure that s**t and I can't make any promises about not shooting her ass if I see her again. The way he said that I could tell he was being dead ass, I mean it wouldn't be so bad if he killed her, I knew once my dad found out what she had been doing to me she was be as good as dead anyway. "But I got some s**t I need to take care of, you gone be good here for a lil min?" He asked looking at his phone. Yes, I'll be fine here thank - you again Tommy. "It's all good ma, here save my number so I can call you when I'm on my way back up here." He said handing me his phone. I was so embarrassed because I was seventeen and I didn't have a phone but I spoke up anyway, umm I don't have a phone. Just get the number from the nurse's station to the room. I said looking down at my fingers. "Oh iight, bet." He said. He left out of the room leaving me to my thoughts. I had no idea how this was going to turn out but I was excited to find out, I mean s**t anything was better than staying with my mom.