WANT

Chapter One

I was born into to a family of esteemed prestige. A family instituted in politics.

My name.... My name is Jessie Avril Sterling, born to parents, Senator Adamson Earl Sterling and his voluptuously over the top wife, Madam Chrisley Madison Sterling.

Two loving parents they were but they were always preoccupied.

Papa was always busy with his politics and Mama was always busy planning some party or another.

Both were so preoccupied with the lives they led that I felt like an afterthought.

I remember been shipped off to boarding school at a young age so I wouldn't be in the way and only came home for the summers.

And so it happened during the summer of me been a mere chit of seven and ten years of age that everything changed.

I had just come home from boarding school and as per usual the house was a hustle and bustle of activity as mama once again prepared for a big socialite event.

But this time mama wasted no time in letting me know that she did not want me p***y footing around her so papa arranged that I would accompany him to New Orleans.

"Jessie!!!" someone shouts.

"I'm coming,"I shout back hitching my skirts up running down the stairs and straight into my papa's arms.

"Be careful Jessie" and with a quick kiss on my nose he continues to glance at the papers in his hands.

"How long must your father wait for you?" mama ask throwing her hands in the air.

Jessie drowns her out, grabbing an apple from the breakfast table.

"Can you not sit down like a proper lady and have your breakfast?"

"Sorry Mama", is my response rolling my eyes in my head.

Everyone knows when mama starts ranting then there's no stopping her.

Mama is always so dramatic!!!

I loved my Papa and I always wanted to spend more time with him but not to be yanked to New Orleans to listen to some stuffy old men give boring speeches. It was not my way of spending the summer.

So with a quick peck on mama's cheek, papa and I set of on our journey to New Orleans.

It's a two day trip with nothing to do but to stare out at the rambling hills and pastures and fields that whizzed past us like a silent movie.

Papa buried his head in his papers most of the time so we scarcely said two words to each other most of the way.

We had a brief moment when papa looked up at me and smiled and reached over and squeezed my hand,"I am glad you here, duchess". That had been papa's pet name for me from the time I was a little girl although he has barely used it in these past few years. I smiled feeling all gooey on the inside.

While he gets busy again I look at this man I call my papa.

My Papa was a large, boisterous man with a hearty laugh. His large hands would twirl a giggling child in his arms making her feel safe and loved. I remember him rocking me to sleep as he recited one of his debate topics. I remember the gurgling laughter of a child that adored her papa.

But those days slowly came to and end. And just as summer fades and winter descends with it's cold, dark,icy gnarly fingers that wraps around you stealing the heat off your body so to had my sweet sweet memories of papa faded.

Papa got more involved with his political campaigns and mama became more and more of a socialite butterfly and I was shipped to boarding school.

I look through veiled eyes at this man sitting opposite me. He looks old and tired. I look at this man I call my Papa. I really look at him and see for the first time my Papa. I see for the first time the laughter lines that creased the sides of his mouth have turned to lines of fatigue. I see, really see the shadowy darkness encircling his eyes. I see the tiredness in his eyes.

I see the fire that made him so bold and brave to a young girl is now dampened to a meek light.

My Papa used to be full of laughter.

My Papa used to be full of life.

This here is a shell of a man my papa used to be.

I remember him twirling me high in the air around the dinner table with mama scolding at him for doing such things.

I smile remembering him sprouting out vehemently some speech or another as he put me to bed. To a five here old these were all ramblings but because it came from my papa that held so much more emotion and sentiment and meaning.

How things change.

How people change.

"Duchess?"

"Hmm...Yes Papa?"

"Are you okay? You seemed far away"

"No I'm fine.Just alittle tired," and I scoot over to where he sits and give him a quick peck on the cheek as I lay my head on his shoulder, trying to bat away the smarting of tears.

If only papa and mama knew....

If only they knew how I just wanted to be Adamson Sterling and Chrisley Sterling's daughter not Senator Adamson Sterling and Madame Chrisley Sterling's daughter.

If only they knew how I just wanted them to take the time to see me,to love me.

If they only knew my need to be loved was far greater than the need to be paraded around the ton like horse flesh.

If they only knew I wanted them to know who I was not what they dictated me to be and definitely not what society dictated of me.

If only they knew how alone I felt.

If only they knew how left out I felt in their lives.

If only they knew how I just wanted to feel wanted.

If only they knew that I just wanted to be wanted with them.

If only mama and papa knew....

If only they understood ....