Magic Shop

NINE | DAWN’S ATTEMPT TO SAY GOODBYE

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Time had passed since Dawn’s talked with Lau and Christine. In the whole question and answer session, Christine remained the spectator she always was paying attention to every details Lau gave and she even paid attention to every reaction of Dawn as if she was a recording camera to ensure the authenticity of Dawn’s wishes.

At first, Dawn was really uncomfortable and from time to time he would cast his gaze on her and Christine would just nod like she was acknowledging that he knew she was observing. After seconds and even minutes had passed, Dawn gotten used to it that he didn’t mind it at all. He gave all of his attention to Lau memorizing every details he had said from the bottom of his heart.

It felt wonderful for Dawn. Not just because he knew that his wish had a chance but he felt like an artist having the motivation to start his arts again after being in the slump for how many years. At that moment, Dawn felt like God was giving him another reason to live and it was giving him fear and excitement. He remembered how his body was quivering when La was giving him specific details, notes, and even warnings. However, such thing called miracle need something called sacrifice.

As Dawn remembered it, he felt his strength he once possessed when he realized that his wishes had a chance was gradually leaving him as the words Lau had said echoed in his ears.

“This also meant that you need to be prepared for your future.” Just by those things alone, Dawn knew that once he starts his journey, his future would be unknown. Previously, when he was at the mental hospital he really doesn’t give any care about his future at all. His thoughts were depressive enough to made him wish that a lightning would fall and sentence him to death since he could not kill himself.

But now, he had someone. Someone who he can call a family. Dawn was really skeptical at first. Furthermore, he had doubts and he still has his doubts now however, when he remembered the way his mother had accepted him and fight for him in the mental hospital despite of all the false accusation his father and his spouse had accused him, his heart that was cold because of the scars it was carrying felt warm for the first time.

It was not much for him but he felt love at that time and he barely held himself not to cry in front of his mother.

So , now that the happiness subsided Dawn felt the harsh reality and the weight of his wishes. Dawn felt nostalgic for some reason for now he knew once again the feeling of losing something and gaining something in return. He felt like human again as his emotions confused him however, he was still holding on his wishes tightly so that no one could take away it from him.

As Dawn walked, he realized one thing: He now had something people called precious. So precious he doesn’t want to open his palm and let it slip from his grasp but sooner or later he needed released it.

That was the reason why his foot steps felt heavy as the distance between him and his mother’s house became short. He was weighing his heart. He was calculating what he needed to do. He was trying so hard not to lose something but even though he made his brain hurt several times, the choices in which he both could gain did not appear. Dawn was meant to choose in the very beginning.

As soon as he saw the gate of his mother’s house, he already decided to do one thing and that is to say goodbye and and ensure that the She will be there in the future he would arrived with.

Dawn opened the door and took off his shoes. He put his indoor slippers and went directly in the living room. When Dawn saw his mother sitting leisurely on the sofa watching her favorite korean drama, Dawn felt his heart stinging for some reason.

This scene. He had nothing before. Whenever he would return in his father’s house, he would often heard the sound of moaning couples because the walls were not sound proof or he would come home and the cold dark scene of his father’s house would welcome him. He had gotten used to those scenes but now Dawn was hearing his mother’s laugh and the sound of the T.V.

He smiled bitterly as he felt that something warm had spread on his heart making him cry. Dawn clenched his fist as he held the urge to cry and even hug his mother. He was now Twenty plus years old and he was a man he can’t act like a child. Dan thought.

His mother seemed to noticed that Dawn had arrived for she gestured her head to look at her right. She smiled when she was her son standing like a statue. She put her coffee on the coffee table as she said, “Welcome home, did you eat dinner?”

Dawn trembled as he heard his mother. He was barely holding himself and now he wanted to collapsed for he felt that he was not really worth it of this love. Dawn knew to himself that he was selfish and in his mind, he was choosing other people and not his mother who now currently lives in his present for the sake of his guilt. For the sake of breaking free all the ghost of his past.

I don’t deserve any of this at all. I’m such a bad son. He laughed at himself pathetically in his mind as he slowly walked towards his mother and sit next to her. He frowned for he felt comfortable. Like this was the place he belong.

 His mother’s brows went up and down as she noticed the odd behavior of his son.

After weeks of spending time with him, she knew that he liked being on his room all day and he only left the house if he needed to do something. So, now, she felt puzzled but at the same time she was satisfied. So, she ignored his odd actions and smile gently. The sound of the T.V echoing.

“How was your day?” She asked in a gentled manner as her eyes glued on the T.V

Dawn’s gaze was also on the T.V but he was sensitive to the actions of His mother. He sighed and comfortably leaned on the sofa as he heard her question. His heart was wildly beating.

“it was good mom” He answered her. His lips tingled as he said those words for he was not used to saying the word, Mom but at the same time he felt that it was also right.

“Did you have dinner?” she asked once again. “There are some left overs inside the fridge and we can order pizza if you want.”

This is so warm it’s already scaring me. Dawn said to himself as he felt like a baby wearing the comfortable blanket his mother gave him. His eyes moved and stole a glanced towards his mother. He unconsciously memorized her face.

From her brown eyes and heart shaped pink lips. Her oval shaped face and her black hair with some white colors on it. She looked like a person who was happy and contented in the days of her life.

Dawn felt envious but at the same time he was also thankful. He was thankful that his mother was happy and was completely opposite to him.

Realizing that Dawn had not answered her question she looked at her Son who was looking at her oddly. She frowned but at the same time she laughed. She did not mind her son’s gaze at all for after a long long time she finally had the chance to be his son so, she smiled once again and asked a question.

“Did you have dinner?” Her voice was really gentle full of love and appreciation.  Her tone was really like a mother.

Dawn felt like he was chocking from all of his emotions as he tried to tame them one by one. He clenched his fist and returned his mother smile as he answered,

“Not yet Mom, I want some food you cook.”

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