The Heart Of Everything

7. Walking the wrong way?

Mondays, I f*****g hate Mondays. You don't even need a word to describe it, just say Monday and they know what you mean. So easy. I sigh and hit my head in the locker. I am so tired. When I went to bed yesterday I could barely sleep. It was cold and lonely. I wanted Kimmie there just like the day before. I roll my eyes of my own stupidity and turn my head to the side of the locker. Only to see the red-haired in a ponytail today, and I smile as she comes next to me.

"Hi, honey." I say grinning. She just looks at me tired and angry and then rolls her eyes. I guess I am not the only one having a Monday. She turns to her locker and opens it.

"Not even a hello asshole?" I ask and she just shakes her head. I don't think I did something wrong, she left my house the day after with a smile on her gorgeous face.

"What's wrong princess?" I ask digging, I want to know. She closes the locker and turns to me.

"Nothing." She says and just walk past me. I itch my head in confusion and look at the tiny girl walking around the corner. I was about to follow, but the Lizzy comes to my view.

"Hell no." I say as I turn around and start walking. We have soccer practice and I want to play today. I have to show that I am good enough. Then I feel a pull on the back of my leather jacket.

"Skipping classes again are we, Miss Lynn?" I hear my youngest teacher ask me. I turn to her with a fake smile. I missed her class when I was in the hallway with Kimmie. My eyes meet her brown.

"No, I was just..."

"Walking the wrong way?" Miss Hale says with a raised eyebrow. I can't but snort and smile, then feel my cheeks turn red. I point in the direction I am going.

"I'm just gonna..."

"Thought so." She says and follows me to class.

It is Tuesday and the sun is shining brightly as always. I didn't see Kimmie the rest of the day yesterday and not even this morning. In some way, I think she is avoiding me, and I don't know why. I didn't do anything wrong, I think. Maybe I did and I don't know what it is. I rub my temple in frustration, as I hear the bell ring. I smile to Miss Hale as I walk out the door, feeling my heart beating too fast of my nervous thoughts.

My feet take me down the hallway on the way to the lunchroom. What if I did hurt her in some way or said something I shouldn't? Well, I do that almost every day, but now everything is different. Now I am scared I will lose her, more than anything. My eyes drift around the canteen, looking for a red-haired. It can't be that hard, there is so few of them. I sigh, but then smile as I see her. My feet caries me towards her and I sit down in front of her. It takes some few seconds before she looks at me, annoyed.

"What?" She asks still upset about something. The smile on my face fades.

"Hi, to you too sweetie." I say annoyed. She rolls her eyes with a growl and looks back down at her food. I sigh and tap my finger on the table.

"What's wrong?" I ask impatiently.

"Nothing." She says flatly, still looking down at her food. I calm down and just wait a minute to see if she wants to say something, but I only end up with silence. It makes me feel the guilt in my heart, maybe I did something bad. Since she won't tell me what is bothering her.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask and feel a big lump in my throat that makes me swallow hard. I am scared I did something to hurt her. She looks at me, her eyes widen.

"No," she shakes her head.

"No, you didn't do anything wrong at all." She says surprised that I asked.

"Then why do you ignore me, Kim?" I ask more hurtful than I attended, and it is not often I use her real name. I guess her behavior just makes me act like this. She just sits there looking at me and I look around uncomfortably. Watching other people eating, talking and smiling to each other. I feel the impatient getting to me.

"Fine." I say done and walk from the table.

"No, Sam wait." But I don't, she won't tell me what is wrong, then I am not going to stop for her.

"Sam, wait!" She speaks louder, causing others to look at me. Then I feel a pull on the back of my jacket and I turn around.

"WHAT?" I yell and look over her head that people are staring, but right now, I don't care. Kimmie looks down at the floor, trying to say something. But there is no sound, no voice, just nothing. I sigh and shake my head in disappointment. She looks at me again, but nothing, she is empty. I scratch my neck hard in frustration, and for the first time since mom died, I feel the tears slide down my cheeks. A new pull on the back of my leather jacket makes me turn.

"WHAT?" I scream right in the face of Miss Hale. First, her eyes were angry but then turned soft. I move my hands over my face and then push my long dark hair back. I put my hands together in front of my face.

"I'm sorry." Say with my eyes closed, feeling guilty. I bit my inner cheeks and look down at the floor behind the young teacher as I rub the tears away from my cheeks. God, Kimmie really got under my skin.

"I am really sorry." I say again to her. Then I turn around to Kimmie and snort.

"Now I am really an asshole, Kimmie." I admit, for my own stupidity. She looks at me with red, sad eyes. I move around to Miss Hale again and take a big breath. She looks at me a little confused, but most of all with worry.

"Sorry." I say and walk past her.

It's Friday evening and dad is still at work as usual. I am just lying in bed, staring at the roof, trying to forget out about what happened this week. It was very painful that she wouldn't tell me what was wrong. I have tortured myself this whole week trying to remember what I did and I can't figure it out. My head has been in overdrive ever since I can't sleep or eat right.

Wednesday, Miss Hale wanted to talk to me after class about that I yelled at her. I didn't mean to do it, I told her, and that I was just upset about something. She asked me what it was, but I kept quiet. I am not the person that is upset or sad. I am always the one coming into her class with a bad bruise on my face or something bandaged. Then just one day I turn vulnerable to the girl with red hair and green eyes.

It probably surprised Miss Hale that I had a look of hurt on my face. I was embarrassed when I sat talking to her alone, but also it made me almost snap because those goddamn green eyes just won't get out of my head. The rest of the week, I avoided Kimmie as much as possible, but when I saw her god, I wanted her. I shot up in bed.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I ask myself. I have never been weak for someone before. The front door opens downstairs.

"Sam, you home?" Dad asks shouting. I jump out of bed and walk down to him.

"Yeah, I am home." I say irritated that I have been alone for so long.

"Sorry." He says and looks at me with his hazel eyes.

"I had to work overtime, someone messed up with the damn papers." He says and I just roll my eyes of his excuse. It is eight in the evening; he should be home at four at least.

"I got pizza." He says trying to cheer me up. I just shake my head, I am not hungry. A knock on the front door makes my feet start walking. I open up only to see the most beautiful girl in the whole world.

"I'm sorry." She says crying and attack me with a hug, with her cheek buried in my chest. I look down at her confused and unsure what to do. Then in my peripheral vision, I see dad coming. I look at him, still with a crying Kimmie holds me tightly. He looks at me wondering what is going on, but I wave my hand to make him go away, and he does with his hands up in the air. I just roll my eyes, and look back down at Kimmie and kiss her on the top of her head. God, I have missed her smell and her softness. Then I decide to lay my arms around her, holding her tightly. She looks up to me, with her eyes red and wet, but a little smile on her face. I lean down to kiss her forehead.

"N-now you are nice." She says trembling. I snort lightly with a big smile.

"I guess I can be nice today and skip tomorrow." I say grinning. She grabs my shirt on my shoulder and smiles to me. God, what have I dragged myself into, most of all with whom.

"Are you going to talk to me now?" I ask as I brush her red hair away from her face. She smiles and nods, I lean down to kiss her on the forehead again.

After lying to dad that Kimmie and are going to watch a movie, we went upstairs to my room. We are in bed, just looking at each other. Her haunting green eyes staring at me.

"Tell me what I did wrong?" I ask, wondering, I want to know what I did. Her eyes widen and she places her hand on my cheek as she moves closer to me.

"You didn't do anything wrong," She starts to stroke my cheek with her thumb.

"It's just I am not sure if I want this to continue." She says her eyes avoiding me, and she moves her hand away from my face. I feel a hole grow in my heart, by her words. My skin turns cold and I can feel the sadness in my eyes. The tears want to come out, but I suppress them. I don't want to show her how much I care and feel for her since she apparently doesn't do the same. I guess I did something wrong after all since she doesn't want this to continue.

"Okay." I say flat, and as her eyes meet mine I look down. The beautiful green-eyed can't just make me feel all of these damn emotions for her, and then just kick me out of everything. What can I say? That I want her here and that I actually like her, it would make me look weak. Especially since she doesn't like me as much as I like her. She would tease me for the rest of my life if I said it.

"You are fine if we just cut it off?" She asks skeptical, and I look back up at her trying to smile.

"Sure." I may not sound convincing, but how can I? When the voice in my head just won't shut up about how much I want her. I have known her for fifteen years and I see her almost every day, looking at her now is hard and I don't want that. She takes a deep breath of relief and it breaks me that it is so easy for her. I must have done something since I can't make her feel the way I feel, or maybe there is something I didn't do?

"Okay, good." She says, smiling and I give her a fake smile in return. Then she starts to move out of the bed and I follow.

"I see you on Monday then." She says while itching her back of this awkward situation. What did I do to deserve these feelings for her?