Trying Not to Feel At All

Chapter 2

Wow, people can be so ignorant. You tell one person something, assuming they will talk to the other person but nope, not when there is literally no communication. So, I guess its my fault for making assumptions, you know what they say "when you assume, you make an ass out of you and me." Ugh, stupid "they" sayings.

I'm an extremely chill person, I swear. Like so chill, it's like I'm a perma stoner chillin' with Snoop Dogg. There are times though where I can't push the feelings down and hold onto the chill, and most of the time it's a silent freak out but other times I could go round for round with a screaming drill Sargent.

Like I literally just woke up (because people were blowing my phone up) and I'm already beyond irritated. Just don't f**k with me when I wake up and we'll be all good.

So I am trying to calm down so I don't destroy my whole day, but we'll see what happens.

As far as I know and have witnessed, everybody hates their jobs right? My job being a CNA isn't terrible, which I know is insane to hear someone say, but I honestly don't mind what I do.

I like the residents or the people who basically live there. We get along great and I never have any issues with them but damn, the other staff I work with...they are the ones who make it hard to go into work.

Not only are they lazy as hell but it's like working in high-school while playing a permanent game of telephone. I try to stay out of it but that doesn't even seem to matter, somehow you will be brought into the drama, even if you never said anything or know what's going on.

By the way, this is the place that has no communication between bosses (unless it's gossip of course.)

I really wish I could work in a museum or something to do with history all by myself. I love history, I find it incredibly fascinating and mysterious. But nope. I only have some college under my belt and there are like waiting lists for jobs like those.

So I guess I'm stuck in a high-school drama job for now. I will continue to keep my mouth shut and stay out of the s**t but it's an inevitably that someone will involve me at some point.

I wish I was born rich, I'm sure everyone does, but if I were, I would just travel the world. There are so many places and things I want to see out there but I have a feeling I'm not going to be leaving my little corner of it anytime soon, if at all.

Can you imagine all the things out there that have yet to be discovered? Plus, all the information that's been lost to time, like everything that burned in the great fire at the Library of Alexandria.

I personally believe alot of what was supposedly "lost" is definitely in the secret archives of the Vatican. Those mofos probably have so much of our "lost" history, but they would never admit it, let alone share any of it. The only way to see things down there is one, you have to be like about to die super old and two, you can only see what you specifically ask for. So there could be billions of books and artifacts down there that no one has seen in centuries, if not longer, because they don't know it's there so they don't know to ask for it. The whole thing is rigged, just like the rest of the world.

That's another reason I want to be like a sole survivor of some kind of apocalypse. So I can go to these places and find out the truth for myself.

There's this place in Ethiopia, I'm pretty sure, where there is this ancient vault that they refuse to open because of curses or a curse, I'm not entirely sure, but if the end of the world happened you can bet your ass I would open it. I mean yeah, big scary curse and all but if it's already the apocalypse, I don't think it would matter anymore.

Also, you probably didn't know but there are old as f**k, haven't been opened in like a hundred years if not more, bank vaults in the Swiss Bank. And I'm not just thinking of all the money that could be in there, but all the artifacts we thought could have been lost to time. For some reason my mind goes immediately to all the artwork that's either disappeared or been "destroyed." I just get this feeling that there could be so many important and amazing finds in there, but we will never know because no matter how old the vault is, they will not open it without a key or whatever they use, maybe like a safety deposit box key situation.

I know I say I hate my life and most days I do, but I think I hate it because I'll never get to see or do things I've always wanted to do.

Like today, I'm in a put me on a boat with supplies and leave me alone until I have to come back kind of mood.

People at my job keep asking if I'm going to advance to an LPN or an RN, and I give those people super props for what they do, but the nurse life just isn't for me. My older sister is an RN and she loves it and is great at it too (she should be a doctor), she is basically a super hero, but I couldn't do what she does, she's amazing!

Then because I say no to that they ask me what my plans are (which I f*****g hate that question, "Like I don't know Karen, probably go home and watch TV like I do every night,) but honestly I've been thinking about this for a few years now...joining the Peace Corp.

Hahaha, yeah I know someone like me in the Peace Corps, but I'm serious. I know it's extremely difficult and practically impossible to get into but I would be able to travel the world, learn things from different cultures, and make a difference in this shitty world, even if it's only a small difference. I know I could do it, if they would give me a chance but that's just another thing to add to the not going to happen s**t list.

Even if I didn't get to do all these things, I think I would be happy with a simple life. A cabin in the woods or a hut by the ocean, where it's just me (and some TV of course), I think I could be somewhat happy. I don't believe anyone is ever completely happy, that would just be weird and kind of creepy.

I wanted a life where I make some kind of difference or impact but maybe most of us are just lemmings towing the s**t storm company line.

I don't want to be a company lemming, I want to make waves, no I want to make tsunamis! I want to throw our civilization off it's axis and maybe out of a window, but I definitely want to shake things up.

Maybe someone will read this and get inspired to do the same. Let's f**k s**t up people!!!