Trying Not to Feel At All

Chapter 3

So I believe I mentioned that I work as a Certified Nursing Assistant before and although I do like the residents that I help that live there, most of the staff that I work with are complete asshole, cunt, b***h faces.

I've worked as a Nursing Assistant before at a hospital and the floor I worked on was always full. We were always understaffed so I ended up covering the entire floor, answering any and all lights as fast as I could, and basically took care of like 40 to 60 patients by myself. It was difficult and beyond stressful but I still busted my ass and made sure everyone was good and comfortable.

I was a little excited before starting at the long term care facility I work at now, because I was told I would be in a certain section and have only so many, approximately 12 to 15 residents that would be my responsibility for my shift, but I would also help the other aides and answer their residents call lights too.

I was told it was a courtesy rule to answer call lights even if the resident wasn't on your specific list, but f**k that, I'm not doing that s**t anymore.

There have been many times where I've been busy as hell and another resident on my list would be calling but would the other aides help me out? Nope, they would just sit or stand around the nurses station talking about bullshit and nothing, even while their residents were calling too. Most of the time they would just f**k around down there while their residents lights would be going off for like up to 20 minutes.

I get it, it's a tough job and after working it for so long you can lose your compassion, but if that's the case and your going to act like a b***h when God forbid you have to do something, then maybe you should look for a different job.

Tonight was just an extremely difficult and somewhat busy night and I guess I wasn't quick enough or something, because damn, there was this one CNA that was just being a complete cunty b***h to me for no reason. Especially, since I've never even really talked to her or even worked with her before. Well, if I work with her again, she can eat a d**k because I'm not helping her at all with anything or even talking to her if I can help it. She can ask one of the other shitty aides for help, because f**k her!!

I thought this place was going to be different but so far it's basically the same. Bitchy, lazy aides and administration that doesn't communicate and act like it's your fault for not informing everyone of everything.

I'm hoping it gets better and I'm going back to being the quiet one and staying to myself and staying out of everyone else's s**t, again easier said than done. But, I'm not there to make friends and besides a few people there I'm done talking to people about anything that doesn't have to do with the actual job.

All anyone wants to do there is gossip and f**k around instead of doing the actual job. I go there to work and do my job and make a paycheck.

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Ugh, I am just so exhausted today...I've been exhausted for like the last week. It's been so f*****g hot outside and our air conditioner stopped working, so I haven't really been sleeping.

It's supposed to be a bit colder tomorrow so hopefully I can get better sleep tonight, then maybe I won't be crazy irritable.

I wish I could be alone tomorrow and just do nothing but the boyfriend has off too and I'm sure his dad will be here too, so I'll probably wake up annoyed because they'll both more than likely start talking to me immediately. Like oh my God, what the f**k do people not understand about leaving me the f**k alone for at least an hour, if not more after I wake up.

Oh please super, magic, creator or whatever of the universe, why can't you just get rid of the rest of the people in the world? Even just for a little while so I can get some peace. Oh sweet peace, it would be lovely to know what you feel like, even for just a little while. I honestly don't think I've ever felt a moment of peace. There's always something to stress me out or piss me off, but then like normal, I push it down...man one of these days I'm probably going to blow up and freak out on someone. Ha, good luck to them.

For now I will continue to be "robot" Sara, and hold it all in. Beep, boop, bop, beep.

So hopefully for now or at least for a little while, the world will f**k off and leave me alone.

I know that's definitely not going to happen though....GIVE ME SOME ALONE TIME WORLD, DAMMIT!!!