Finding Grace

Beep beep beep the sound of the alarm clock ringing in on a rainy morning. “I’m awake you stupid clock.” Punching the buzzing noise to stop its sound. The reality of the 2 hours of sleep i got is what’s making me miss my bed already. Looking around and seeing empty alcohol bottles scattered around the small bedroom one spilled over on the night table. Struggling to get out of bed my head pounding the taste on my tongue metallic and realizing that I have only an hour left before I have to leave for work. Looking out the window seeing nothing but darkness, the lighting and thunder casts its unforgiving mercy on the little town of Galena, Colorado. Home to most but a place to hide from the past for others. The lights flicker on and off, creaking floor boards and a leaky sink is what is heard in the small apartment. Making my way to the kitchen starting the coffee machine I think on how I got here. Being a waitress is not what I pictured myself doing at the age of 22 I always figured I’d have my life together. Going to collage parties and getting drunk with friends but life has its ways of screwing you over and car accidents happen and with that so did growing up young. Getting the job was the easy part what the hard part was the smile that had to be on your face. Many types of people come into the diner. Old, young, couples in love or couples just trying to make it. What they all have in common is that they enjoy cheap food with crappy service with a smile. The diner was small yet was always full, having to dodge grabby hands from old men and nasty stars from jealous girlfriends. The table tops sat four comfortably, but on a hot summer day the back patio would be unlocked. Those days are easy, feeling the wind hit my face, the sweat on my neck being cooled off the sounds of birds chirping and cars driving by made me long for what used to be. Turning on the television and seeing a thunderstorm that’s not going anywhere anytime soon. “I advise everyone to stay indoors until this storm passes. The winds are blowing at 58 mph but it could likely go higher so I highly recommend you stay indoors. There are no signs right now of a tornado but remember that it is tornado season so please be aware of that.” “It looks like at least for now it will stay with us all day and will slowly pass toward the west and leave us with a slight drizzle by nightfall. Which we’ll give us humidity tomorrow afternoon.” Shutting off the tv hearing enough of it, deciding that I would need my rain jacket along with my heavy duty umbrella. Smelling the delicious coffee that just fished brewing. I pour myself a cup and settle into the old worn out leather couch that my father used to sit on every morning after he drank his tea. Remembering when he would read his paper while my mother hums quietly in the next room. Probably getting everything ready to start on a pie or cookies. She was always the baker in the family not much of the cook. But man could she bake an apple pie from scratch and lemon tarts from the lemons Mrs. Fletch would give her when they were ready to be picked. It’s been 2 years since the accident I was 19 when that changed everything the reason why I left New York, too many memories and not enough reasons to stay. It was the day before my birthday and I was waiting on a phone call from my mother to give me news on how dad was doing with his sore back. While in the bathroom getting ready for another boring day at school I hear my cell phone ring. Rushing out of my roommates way to see if it was her. “Hey mom” not looking at the caller info. “How was dads appointment with Dr.Lish is his back still spasming?” “Hello is this Katarina Macks?” An unfamiliar voice fills my ear. “Yes I’m sorry who is this?” Confusion filling my face. “Miss Macks I’m sorry to inform you but there’s been an accident, your parents were involved in a head on car collision and they didn’t make it.” His voice gets farther and farther away as my phone tumbles out of my hands and hit the floor. My roommate coming quickly to my side as I break down crying and screaming. Holding me as I fall apart and whispering to me that everything was going to be okay. Nothing was going to be okay and it never will be. My parents were everything to me from supporting me through my ballet lessons and encouraging me to try out for track and field. For taking me to meets and cheering me on from the side lines. When I got my first gold meddle from a track meet and for picking me up when I lost. When I got a full ride to university by beating the fastest long distance runner. They were so proud calling everyone we knew to tell them the good new on how their daughter was going to be in the Olympics. A bit of a stretch but when your a teenage you want that look from your parents. A look that says I make you proud and I hope you realize that I’m doing this for you. The funeral was a nice and quiet, the service was filled with friends and family alike. Caskets were closed, flowers where arranged and beautiful words were spoken. Some came said their condolences and some tried to make jokes to lighten the mood. Uncles and aunts came and offered that I stay with them so I could heal and be with family in this time of need. But what I truly wanted was to be alone, to be completely alone. No pity smiles or stupid jokes that others thought were funny. My parents were good people that didn’t deserve to die by a drunk driver. Sadly no one survived that day the drunk driver who hit my parents died on impact like my parents it was quick they said no pain no suffering, but they got the last part wrong people do suffer its just not the victims. Time was moving way too fast another reminder that we’re only here for a short time. Mother always said to speak your peace and make sure people know you cared. Father always wanted to keep the peace and stay were it’s quiet. Thinking about the past isn’t good, reliving the past isn’t good. Too many memories. Too much pain and not enough healing. *thunder booms* Wiping my eyes from the tears I shake myself back from the past. 2 years is a long time to be alone. I never once was the type to stray and and have fun. Always the same routine day in and day out. Get up, hit alarm, make coffee, brush teeth, get ready go to work. Maybe if things hadn’t changed I’d still be hanging out with friends or going out of dates but now I keep to myself. Guarded, walls up around me 24/7 never to be let down, never to feel the hurt that swallowed me whole. Making my way to the bathroom turning lights off as I go. I notice my mail scattered on the ground, ripped open. Picking them up and putting them on the kitchen table to look at later. Shaking my head feeling fuzzy from last nights events. Knowing I must’ve drank way to much but I could’ve sworn i only had 2 glasses of wine. “I’m never drinking again.’ I say knowingly lying. Grabbing the white button up that has a questionable stain from when a young lady brought her baby and decided that the ketchup bottle was a perfect toy to keep her infant child happy until her kid size pancakes came up to the pass. Putting it on listening to the rain pounding on the windows making the shudders rattle. Felling something wet land on my head as i pull up my pants realizing that the ceiling is dripping water. “s**t, what the hell! You’ve got to be kidding me!” I yell. Mark the building manager was supposed to fix that. Putting the bucket underneath the dripping water and grabbing paper towels to wipe the water that the bucket couldn’t catch. Knowing their is nothing to be done until the rain stops. The apartment is nice a 1 bedroom with plenty of space to move if only the ceiling didn’t leak and the toilet would flush. Grabbing my purse, jacket and umbrella I head my way to Marks apartment. Knocking on his door and waiting for him to come, not hearing anything the first time I knock harder. “I know your in there Mark. Come on you said you’d fix my ceiling 2 months ago. My ceiling shouldn’t be giving me a shower!” I yell through the door. “Mark this is bullshit you know damn well that this would happen and I need you to fix it before I’m swimming in my damn apartment.” I continue my yelling. Still not getting a reply I slam my hand on his door and curse loudly. Walking away from the door with no answers I sigh heavily. “Looks like I’ll have to use a rain jacket in my home too” I mutter to myself. Walking down the hall towards the elevator I notice a cork board with different prices of scrap paper. One with a green lazy boy for sale, another saying reward for a lost hamster (obviously written by a child) and some saying they are willing to babysit. As I’m about to leave I notice one last scrap of paper. Its a news clipping from the New Harold Post, on the front it has weird yet fun way to make fruit jello and on the back it has a missing persons ad. Sarah Pickett age 24 has been missing for 2 months now, she is a young caucasian woman 5 foot 2 and has long blond hair with brown eyes. Weighs approximately at 120 Lbs, She was last seen on April 16th at approximately 3:30 leaving her job at Lakeville Hotel. If anyone has any information please don’t be afraid to call in a tip anonymously. Sarah is one of 5 woman missing so far yet the Galena law enforcement do not think that they connect in any way. On the bottom of the news clipping is the number and website to call in a tip along with the other missing woman’s information. Walking away and pressing the elevator button to go down I’m joined by an elderly man in a cap and trench coat. His hat too far down to see his face but i hear him mumbling. Moving away form him to give him room to enter the lift, the smell of old cigarettes hitting my nose. About a month after i moved into the run down apartment building a man had tried to break in but was only able to break one of the 2 locks i had place for my safety. The baseball bat in the coat closet near the door is the only peace of defense I have if someone tries to break in. Needing more self defense weapons just in case. Thinking about the mini mart and how I saw pepper spray last week when I needed to buy more duck tape for the leaking pipe under the sink. Walking out of the elevator and toward the main doors for the apartment building I open my umbrella and head my way to work. the quick yet wet walk only takes about 10 minutes on a good day, today is not one of those days. Avoiding the big puddles and narrowly missing s***h of the water the cars splash onto the sidewalk. Streetlights guiding me flickering as i walk under them. The ally to dark and dangerous to walk this morning, having to take the long way. Around each corner i see more and more people trying to dodge the rain. Some running on busses and some running into little stores. Running across the side street i cut through the tiny garden most would call a playground, the tiny swings and the red slide would make any 6 year old heart happy. The grass is muddy and little puddles that are perfect to jump in are forming. The things i would give to go back in time and relive memories of when times were simpler. The diner is a small family owned little breakfast nook that most look over now a days. The walls are painted light purple and its gives off a retro look of the 80s. Its located right next to a mini mart, the fresh produce that the chef gives us are the best in the summer months. Many of them come to the diner for their lunch break, or to come and study and enjoy a cup of coffee. As I head my way closer I see Jamie she’s working just to make a little extra money for school. She been at the diner for about 2 years, going into her senior year. “Hey Kat didn’t know if you’d come in today seeing as its a mess out there” Jamie says, over the counter. “ Huh”, not really paying much attention as I put my raincoat and umbrella away behind the counter “The rain, they say won’t stop till tonight, I wonder if Jen will be coming in.” Jamie asks. “Yea I heard, but Jen said she would be coming in just to do paperwork but would be gone by noon. How’s school going? It’s your senior year again right?” I say making my way to the back of the kitchen to grab my apron. “Oh did she? Good I need to talk to her about some hours. Ya its my last year before i head into the real world.” She giggles Nodding my head i walked behind the bar and see Doug a bald old man that has appearance of the Pillsbury dough boy. “Hey Doug what’s the special for today.” Smiling at my coworker. “Kat, where the heck have ya been my girl?” He bursts loudly. Turning quickly dropping his hand towel. “Oh you know i need a day off once in a while to decompress and catch up on things.” I wave dismissively trying not to open up the can of worms that is my life. “Well I’m glad you got away from this place seeing how Jen fired Mika yesterday. Turns out she was stealing from the cash register and miss counting on purpose to throw the whole register, plus ya know about the yelling and swearing. Man oh man was Jen done with her.” He explained to me while also turning back and flipping the omelet that was in the pan. “Ya know I’m surprised that she wasn’t caught sooner and that Jen didn’t call the cops, turns out that she stole more than 300 dollars but what can ya do. That girl always has a smile on her face and didn’t have a mean bone in her body. But I’ll tell ya that music she listens too is the Devils trap. Always listing to that god awful rap and making people shake their behind for money no self respect theses days. Can’t go anywhere to to...” “Okay, okay Doug I get it.” Having heard his rant on more than one occasion. I say exasperated “What oh ya anyways you might want to go help Ms. Hippy over there before the customers start throwing things at the poor girl.” He murmured The morning went by easily people only coming in looking for shelter from the awful weather. Standing behind the register and looking around the diner I notice the usual paying customers and some new faces. Big red, a scruffy old man with a long beard black with streaks of grey. He comes in with a bright red walker that bangs into the counter, dents surrounding the lower half chipping the paint as well. The reader a young lady who comes in with a coke and her laptop trying to make a living off of her short stories on the benefits of being a vegan but orders a triple chocolate milkshake with extra whipped cream. The middle age woman and her 2 twins who need to leave their fingerprints everywhere they go. Making it painful to clean everyday. The door dings open and the same man from the elevator walks in, his hat off but the smell still lingering his beard is wild and dirty. His jacket wet from the rain, his jeans that would be blue but instead are the color of mud and leaves. He walks in grunts and makes his way to the back of the diner to one of the torn booths, take off his jacket and sits down. Not wanting to stare at the man any longer, i grab a menu and head over to him.