A Tear Drop

Chapter 05

Clarissa's POV

“Michelle, why did you promise Noah that I will be there when you clearly know that I will not be going?” I asked her, a bit pissed in fact.

“Clarissa, do you really not want to go for your only brother’s wedding? Your best friend’s wedding?”

“Of course I want to go but I cannot go there months ahead. I don’t have that much of courage.” I pleaded.

“Clarry!” she said. For what in the world do you need courage to meet your own people? You didn’t do anything wrong, then why the f**k do you need courage? Are you afraid that you will have to face…”

I simply raised my hand for her to stop. I didn’t want to hear that name at all. It brings back memories that I have carefully stored away. “Please Michelle, don’t say that name. And yes I am afraid that I would..." I couldn’t finish my sentence, I was chocking with tears. It still hurts, the memories are still embedded strong and fresh.

“Hush baby, don’t cry please.” Michelle begged hugging me. I don’t want to cry but I cannot help it. It still hurts me when I think of those times and I know very well that I am not the one to be blamed but I simply can’t face anyone, I am too embarrassed and humiliated.

Michelle lifted my face and she looked right into my eyes and said, “Clarry, you cannot always run away from problems, you have to face them; that’s what you would always tell us and now I am giving it back to you. You are never the type to run away from problems, instead you face them head on, you always take the bull by its horns and I am pretty sure that you can do the same.”

“But… Michelle,” I protested.

“No buts  Clarissa, you are going. That’s final! Have you ever thought that by punishing yourself, you are actually punishing your parents and your loved ones?” Michelle stood up, “God Clarissa, can’t you see what they are going through because of your childish acts? Why are you exiling yourself when you are not the one to be blamed?”

I wasn’t being childish! I was being reasonable. I mean if I leave then, none of them will have to go through that torture, whenever they see me.

 “Do you think that I am enjoying myself here? Does it look like that to you? Do you think that I don’t miss my parents and my brother at all? ”I asked Michelle a bit mad, she thinks that I am enjoying myself over here. But she doesn’t know the real pain that I am going through. “I want to be there too, with my brother and my best friend but I am scared that I will bring them pain once again. I can go through anything for them but I can’t put them through any pain.”

My face must be blotched with tears and red like a tomato, but I don’t care. Michelle looked at me, laying a hand on mine, “Clarissa, your family would go through anything for you, you know that. Don’t push them away.”

“I would rather push them away than putting them through that hell again,” I whispered without any second thought.

Michelle shook her head in denial, “what makes you think that the wounds will reopen? Besides you need to get over your past somehow, you have beaten yourself more than enough now. Noah would want you to forget the past and move on, if he knows that you are still living in your past, what would be the point of him letting you go for the sake of you trying to forget your past?

I simply looked away, because I know that whatever she said was true.

“Clarissa look at me,” she demanded, “you have to fight it, your family’s wounds will hurt the second they see you back at home but staying away from them means that their wounds aren’t healed, every time they look at your picture they’ll remember as to why you are away. Don’t you get it?”

“I am scared Michelle,” I whispered, I was truly scared but at the same time I wanted to go back home so badly. And I know that I have been convinced.

“Honey what am I there for?” Michelle asked smiling. “I am there for you.”

I hugged her tightly, eternally grateful for her, eternally grateful for sticking up with me despite my crappy personality. “You know right that I love you so much?”

She giggled at that, “Yeah, yeah I know, I am that awesome. So when should I start packing?” “When are we leaving?”

“This Monday?”

“On it. We have the weekend to get all the shopping done then.” I could practically see all the planning that was going on in her head. Michelle is a good planner and an organizer and most of all a friend that I don’t even deserve to have. And I love her to the moon and back.

“I should go talk to Gabby and then to Daniel.” Standing up, I walked towards the door, “wanna join me?”

“Nah, I think I will stick with the packing.”

I simply raised my eyebrows at her, “you always run away with the easy stuff.”

“Hey, hey, it is your stuff that I am dealing with this time.”

“Ok, ok.” I said giving up, sometimes she is impossible to deal with.

 _______________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

“From the look on your face, I think you are in a confusion and troubled,” Gabby said the moment I stepped into her office.

Sighing, I took the chair in front of her, “I am definitely in trouble; Noah is getting married.”

“And that is a problem because…?”

Slumping on the chair, I sunk into it further, “Gabby….” I whined,  don’t you get it? That means I will have to go back home.”

“But you have already decided to go.” She said peering at me through her crescent shaped reading glasses.

I simply nodded without looking at her but the edge of the table.

After it seems to be a millennium of silence, I looked at her, “there are infinite number of reasons as to why I should not be going, and zillion number of logically proved reasons why not to.”

“But?” Gabby prompted.

“But, there is this just one reason why I should.”

“And that is?”

“Noah.” I simply said looking up at her.

 I know that I don’t need to further tell her or explain my point because she knows what that means. It might sound absurd to others but for me, it is simply an adequate reason for me to drop everything and run to him. My brother is my whole world to me, my everything, when he is that precious to me, how can I not go.

Gabby let out a sigh of relief, “thank God, you finally have regained some senses into you. I thought you wouldn’t go no matter what. So I was preparing this huge lecture in my mind and then if that didn’t work out I already had a plan B laid out as well.”

“Hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed out loud, “hahahahahahahahahaha! Oh my God!!!”

“What? What’s so funny?”

I whipped a tear form my eye, and dismissed her question with a wave of my hand, “what was your plan B?”

“You wouldn’t like it.”

“Come on! How bad can it get?”

“To drug you.”

“WHAT! ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? YOU ACTUALLY THOUGHT OF THAT?”

“I told ya, you wouldn’t like it.” she said.

I glared at her, “you dared?”

She simply shrugged, “I had to try.

“Urgh! You are impossible!”

“When are you planning to go?”

“This Monday.”

Gabby raised an eyebrow and gave a slow whistle, “you had it already planned it out I see.”

“Not me, Michelle.”

“Bless that girl.” She said smiling. “Ah, did you tell Daniel?”

I shook my head, “not yet. Wonder how he would take the news.”

“Pretty much how he should, he will be surprised at first and then he’ll help you pack.” I looked down at hands, “Clarissa, you should know by now who he is. He is the one for you, the perfect guy whom we all dream of, and the prince Charming. So why are you still holding back? And why the f**k have you not told him about your past yet?”

“I know Gabby,” I said throwing my hands up in the air. “I know that he is the perfect man whom I always dreamt of, and I am holding back because I am scared how it would turn up. This beautiful story will be marred and twisted. I don’t want to ruin that. And I think Daniel is better off without knowing it.”

“How do you know that? Let him decide that. What if he gets to know from someone else? How would that make him feel?”

“I don’t know Gabby. All I know is that I don’t want him to think badly of me." Gabby shook her head in disagreement but thankfully she didn’t continue. “I hope Michelle will be going with you?”

“Yeah, hope that’s alright. She is the financial head.”

“There’s Josh after her, so no worries.”

“Yeah, and I will make sure that I will be getting all the articles, I can finish them up from there.”

“Chillax child, I am there and there are other employees in here.” She said rolling her eyes at me. “What about your shops and the factory though?”

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Could you give a peek once in a while for the shops? I can ask Daniel to drop by the factory once in a while.”

“Sure, no problem.” She said smiling at me.

“Guess I’ll get going, there’s loads to do now that I think of it.” I stood up and walked to the door when I remembered something, “by the way, we are going shopping tomorrow. You in?”

“Is that even a question to ask? Of course I am in.”

“Awesomness, see ya.”

 _______________________________________________________________________________________________________

By the time I returned to my office, Michelle had already left. I walked up to the window and looked out to the city. The city sure does look vast. Tall buildings towering over little shops, patches of green here and there; it sure does look like a city. For the first time in eight years I found it monotonous, restless and plain. For the first time in eight years I compared Wellspring with the city Turning on my heels, I walked to my table and dialled Daniel’s number.

With two rings he answered, “hey princess. What’s up?”

What am I going to tell him? “Ummm, nothing much….” I unconsciously started to twist the telephone wire around my fingers. Daniel does not know why I am here, why I fled from home and he never asked. I know that he is dying to ask, but he is waiting till I tell him. He is willing to wait and I know that even if I don’t tell him till I die he would still be with me. “I love you.” My eyes were already welling up and I simply couldn’t hold it in.

“I love you too.” I can already picture him smiling but with a worried look, “babe, is something wrong? Did something happen?”

“Huh, ah..” I bit my lip and heaved a breath, “Iamgoinghome.” I blabbered.

“This early? Is anything wrong?”

“Daniel, I am returning home.” I said slowly, letting the words to sink in him.

There was a moment of silence on the other side, I heard him taking a deep breathe, probably dying to know what’s my history but I know him better than that, clearing his throat, “really? Did something happen back at home?”

“Noah is getting married.”

“f**k!” I almost pictured him jumping up from his seat and sitting again in excitement. I mean these two have not met in real but only through long telephone conversation and their relationship is quite inseparable. Tsk, boys, I’ll never get them.

“Yeah.”

“f**k! He is already getting married. I can’t believe this! When?”

“April.”

“When are you leaving?”

“This coming Monday.”

Daniel’s POV

“This coming Monday.”

“Seriously!? But why?” Why the heck is she going on this Monday when the wedding is in April?

I heard her sighing through the phone and I knew that she didn’t like this much as well I do either, “Noah wants me home before Christmas to help with the wedding and all that.” There was a moment of silence, “I have to go Dan. He is my brother and she is my best friend.”

“Babe, I am not telling you not to go.” What was she thinking? “You definitely have to go. Noah needs you. It’s just that…”

I don’t know how to tell it to her. I mean, I know that she has her own secret as to why she fled from home and I want to know it so badly but at the same time I am scared that I will lose her to her secret. I can live staying in the dark, but I cannot definitely live without her. She is my everything.

“It’s just what?” she asked breaking my line of thought.

“Nothing.” I simply said, I don’t want to tell her or ask her anything yet

“You know right that I have never ever asked you the reason to your fleeing? I know for a fact that at this very moment you are hurting very much and it is killing me, coz I don’t know what the reason to your pain is…”

“Daniel I…”

 “Let me finish Clarry.” Taking a deep breathe, “I don’t know the reason why you are hurting so much, I wish infinite times that I would know why and at the same time I wish not to, because I am scared that I will lose you. I am not asking you tell me, you can chose to tell me or not to tell me ever, it’s up to you and I respect it.” Taking a deep breath, “I am not telling you not to go, I want you to go. You should go and be there with your brother, because I know that he wants you the most now.”

“Dan, what are you trying to get at?” her voice sounded shaky from the other side and the last thing I wanted to do was to make her cry.

“Relax babe, I am simply telling you to face your fears instead of running from them, isn’t it high time that you set your foot down and said enough?”

“I love you Daniel...”

For a moment my mind and heart froze, I mean we have been dating for so long and you might think that I have got used to her saying I love you, but let me tell you the truth; every freaking time I hear that, my heart stops and the world stands still as if it was just yesterday that she first told me I love you.

A smile slowly spread on my face, “I love you too baby.”

“Thank you for understanding me.”