The One Who Holds It All

Kylie “Kylie!” “Kylie!” “Hello? Earth to Ky!!!” I was shaken out of my daze by someone familiar frantically waving her hands in front of me. “Hmm?” I blinked wearily, trying to shake my daydreams from my mind. “I said, I’m glad you came out tonight! You have been hiding for the past few days. I’ve been really worried about you.” Lainee was a wonderful roommate and friend, but I was starting to get annoyed with her constant badgering. She has been trying to get me out of the house this week, and I finally caved. I was only 5 days post-trauma, and she knew coming out tonight was hard on me. Quite frankly, getting out of bed was hard for me right now, let alone showering, putting on clean, appropriate clothes, and heaven forbid- brushing my teeth. It took every ounce of energy I had to get ready for this outing. And now its like my body is currently soaking up every ounce of my energy reserves I had saved for tomorrow to get through the awkwardness of the night. Every single one of our mutual friends was there, giving me the “look”. You know the look, the one that says “I feel so sorry for you, but I don’t have the courage to actually say anything to you, so I’m just going to keep looking over every 5 seconds with pursed lips and puppy dog eyes.” That look. Its suffocating and dreadful and I’m about eight seconds away from running out the door. “Lainee, I really don’t want to be here right now. I should probably just go home, I’m not any fun and people are watching me sulk,” I say as I roll my eyes. “And if I hear one more sappy love song-gone-wrong, I’m probably going to break down.” “I know Ky, but I just wanted to try to cheer you up a bit,” Lainee says, as she takes my face in the palm of her hands. “We are really worried about you, and you usually love this place.” I loved this place when I was whole, happy, and didn’t have a care in the world. Now look at me, I’m empty, lonely, and my little world has literally crashed, burned, and disappeared into the horizon. “LOVED this place. Now it just makes me think of the mistakes I’ve made and the pieces of my heart that I'm now missing. Thanks for trying Lay, but I really, really want to go home.” As I pick up my black rhinestone clutch, I stand up and try to get my bearings on my wobbly legs. I wish I could say that the high heels on my feet were my only hindrance, but it seems the lack of food for the week has made me more unstable than I’d like to admit. “Ky, I’m coming with you. You’re so pale! And look! -you can’t even stand up on your own! I know you haven’t been eating,” Lainee scolds me with her signature raised- eyebrow, hands-on-hips stance. For a single 23-year-old, she sure does have the motherly attitude of a 35-year-old with 4 kids sometimes. I can’t say I’m not thankful for that though, as many times as she has been to my rescue over our time here at OSU. It certainly doesn’t mean she can force this situation, though. “No way, this is your party, you can’t just leave! I appreciate you trying to accommodate me and my pitiful self, but you will stay here and I will Uber back to the house,” I say as I pick up my phone and open my Uber app. Tapping the screen a few more times, I looked up to see her beautiful, yet eerie, scold. “There, it’s done, my driver will be here in 2 minutes. Now, mingle, drink, and call me if you need a ride. I only had 2 drinks over an hour ago, so if you need me to come and get you in a while, you know I will,” I walked closer to her for a hug. “I should be helping you though, not leaving you at home by yourself to wither away to nothing,” she says, looking sullen. Reaching out my arms and pulling her in close, I smelled her familiar vanilla/Pantene scent, and I was comforted more than she would ever have imagined. She has been my dear friend for 4 years now, and there hasn’t been a time when she hasn’t been by my side. But I can’t let her come back with me, she needs to celebrate and have a good time. She is graduating summa c*m laude next Saturday, and this girl deserves to let her hair down. I started to feel badly about leaving her so soon. She would never leave me in a situation like this. Heaven knows there have been plenty of times she’s proven that. I have to be the friend she needs; my personal issues can wait for just one night. Kylie, come on, just suck it up for one night and celebrate with your girlfriends. I don’t know when we will all be together again, if ever, probably never. I bit my lower lip and let go of her. Stomping my heel onto the floor, I look at her and smile. “You know what Lainee, never mind,” I say as I pull out my phone and cancel my Uber. “Let’s do this!” I kiss her silky cheek and laugh, taking her hand and leading her to the bar.