Days of Darkness

Chapter 25

Bismarck is winter's playground. If it's white and cold, Bismarck collected the bulk of it. We had purchased what we thought was adequate clothing for going outside. It wasn't long before we realized that staying inside, packed like sardines, was a better idea. There were multiple days where leaving would have been hazardous. I felt blessed the power never gave out, and our heater pumped its life preserving warmth without missing a beat. The fireplace helped take the edge off the cold that you felt when you neared a window or door.

My exemplary scholastic endeavors progressed at a prodigious pace. My vocabulary and writing skills increased as well as my knowledge of math. Rose had suggested I take an English course at the same time as algebra II. Rose augmented the teaching with an ease that impressed me. She always seemed to mold the lesson to something easily digestible. In time, I was able to absorb her methods. It was mostly a physical thing. I learned to keep a notepad handy and write out key concepts. The writing acted like glue, fixing the topic in my brain. It was the key I had been missing.

"I wish you would have been my mother," I said one day to Rose. I was envisioning all that I would have accomplished had she been encouraging me in my youth. Rose smiled softly.

"I have had a rather golden upbringing," Rose said, "good parents who loved me dearly and a family to back them up when I went awry." Her eyes went softer, "From what you told me, your mother didn't have anyone backing her up." She paused a moment before she continued. "I thank you dearly for the compliment, but had I gone through life alone; a bottle may have been my friend as well."

"She loves me," I said, closing eyes as guilt flooded me. I have spent my life blaming my mother when I might as well have blamed the world. She was as weak as life had made her. Before Teegan, I was just as weak. A cycle that would now end with me.

"Most likely, more than you know," Rose added, "I felt every misstep Natalie made. They felt like my failures though they were nothing but her growing up. In contrast, I also felt her successes as if they were my own."

"I haven't given my mother many successes," I sighed.

"I would love to claim you as my son," Rose said smiling, "but that privilege belongs to another."

"I am better for knowing you," I admitted.

"And I you," Rose said. When we hugged, I could see a tear in Natalie's eye. For the first time, I felt something subtle from Teegan. She had been practicing her standing, using the edge of Natalie's chair as a support. Teegan emanated a sense of wellbeing. It was a delicate but distinguishable emotion. It was almost as if she understood what had transpired. Maybe she was reflecting what I felt; a new understanding. Whatever it was, I don't think Natalie felt it. It was meant for me alone.

Teegan's first steps were a monumental experience. She walked from Rose to me, balancing precariously, traversing about five feet with her glorious smile. Natalie clapped, and Teegan's glee filled us both. It didn't matter that we knew what trouble we were in, now that she had achieved full mobility.

Rose was getting weaker as Teegan gained strength. I knew it was coming, but I didn't have to like it. I did my best to ignore the changes, concentrating on engaging her swift mind. Twice, at night, I had to console Natalie as her mother's deterioration got to her. I let her cry in my arms and tried to remain strong. This would be the second person I have seen die. Only, this time, it was someone I knew and loved.

When spring arrived, Rose insisted I take her for a walk. It was more of a slow stroll with her arm wrapped tightly around mine to steady her steps. We stayed on the road where her footing was surer. It was strange feeling stronger than Rose.

"I wonder if we'll get any more snow?" Rose said as she looked about. There was still some unmelted snow. Large plowed up drifts coated in an ugly black smoke and some areas in the woods that the sun had trouble penetrating. The air held its winter crispness though the temperature was a much more tolerable 40s.

"I suspect it has happened before," I replied, "I don't think it would last long if it did." Rose agreed, and we walked in silence for a little while.

"I'm selfish," Rose said, breaking the quiet, "I wanted to spare Natalie what's to come, and now all I want to do is have her at my side." She looked up at me with her sharp eyes. The rest of her face looked exhausted, but the eyes could still penetrate deeply.

"Maybe the opposite is selfish," I said.

"Maybe," Rose nodded, "maybe not. I just know these lasts months have been happy ones." She smiled, more to the world than to me, "I really liked your 'A's and watching Teegan grow. It lets me know that everything will go on."

"It's amazing that she's walking," I agreed, "soon she'll be talking."

"I need you to promise me something," Rose injected, "something you may not like." The real reason she asked me to take a walk. I couldn't imagine there was much I wouldn't promise Rose.

"Sure."

"Teegan's...gift, or whatever you wish to call it, is growing in you and Natalie," Rose pointed out.

"Yes," I admitted, "almost scary in a way."

"Good, I'm glad you don't think it's risk-free," Rose said and patted my arm with her free hand, "I worry her power will grow as her individuality evolves. That it might grow in ways you are unable to anticipate."

"I have been thinking about it," I sighed, "I worry we are losing ourselves to her." I stopped walking and looked directly at Rose, "I've thought that maybe she's the reason Natalie loves me, that some day it will turn off, and Natalie will see the mistake she's made."

"Interesting theory," Rose said with a sly smile, "so you think my daughter is so dense, she doesn't know what she's doing."

"No!" I said, "it's not like that."

"Of course, it isn't," Rose continued, "Natalie knows who she loves. I'll admit that Teegan sped it along and maybe even made it possible, but never think my daughter would give herself to anyone unworthy."

"I guess I'm still apprehensive," I said quietly, "women like her never gave me a second look. They just pulled their purses closer and walked away."

"That's because they didn't know what was inside of you," Rose smiled, "you have to admit, you packaged yourself poorly." I snickered, remembering my scraggly beard and out of control hair.

"I was kind of sloppy for a while." Rose nodded and turned me so we could walk some more.

"Back to your promise," Rose said, "we know the pull that Teegan has. I loved her from the first bond." She pulled me closer, "and she pulls hardest on you. For some reason, you are her favorite."

"So," I said, not fully believing it. I had known her longer; that's all.

"What if she grows up and becomes something dangerous?" Rose said, slowing her pace to let it sink in.

"I don't think..."

"If, Sam, what if she does?"

"It is a risk," I said, "I don't see it working that way. I'm a little worried about how it works, but I haven't seen anything that points to danger."

"She won't be a child forever," Rose continued, "what happens if she gains full control. What if she decides she won't be denied all that she desires. What if she decides she doesn't want to share you with Natalie."

"You're making her sound evil," I said with some disgust.

"Who would you choose?" Rose asked.

"I don't want to make that choice," I insisted. My little Teegan pitting herself against Natalie. It was more than unthinkable; it was sickening.

"Most likely won't happen," Rose nodded. We walked slowly as the thoughts Rose put in my head took root. I didn't have any experience raising kids. I knew they made mistakes. I made more than my share. Teenagers were self-absorbed and quite good at getting their way. The thought of Teegan losing her charm and becoming demanding could be terrifying. How far would I let her go? How far would Teegan go? There were times when I wanted to hit my mother. I never did, but the thought appeared. Teegan's thoughts held so much more power.

I stopped walking and looked at Rose. Her eyes told me she knew where her words had led my thoughts. A fool she was not.

"I promise," I said, "I won't let anyone hurt Natalie...even Teegan." Rose's hand caressed my cheek as she smiled.

"You're a good man," Rose said softly, "Natalie could do no better." Blood rushed to my face like an embarrassed schoolboy. Praise from Rose was worth more than gold. It managed to lift me up and make me feel five-years-old at the same time.

"So you think she could be dangerous when she gets older?" I asked.

"Probably not," Rose replied, shaking her head, "but if she is, she'll be very dangerous." Then she smiled and added a chuckle, "daughters wrap their fathers around their fingers. Imagine her asking to borrow the car."

"It will be tough to say no," I said, adding my chuckle, "her disappointment may be too much to bear." Rose turned us around, and we headed back. I could tell she was getting tired.

"That will be the key." Rose entered teaching mode. Her body may be giving up, but her mind was going strong. "How well you teach her to handle disappointment will dictate the woman she will become. Children learn by watching. If you go off half c****d at every problem, they will as well."

"Is that how you handled Natalie?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh no." Rose smiled back. "I only got the love part right in the beginning. I was a complete mess, and Natalie was head strong from day one." We spent the rest of the walk reliving Natalie's formidable years. It was Rose's favorite subject, and I found that if I inserted a few questions, she could happily go on forever. I learned more embarrassing Natalie tidbits I stashed away for future use. Always good to have some table-turning material for the next time I acted like an i***t.