Rejected and Abused

I'm Nikki all my life I have been taught I am worthless a waste of space a mistake that should have never happened. Well that's what my family and pack say, its a constant mind f**k every single day of my life since I was 5 years old that's when my life ended flashback: grandpa picked me up from my 2nd week of school I was so excited to get home and show mommy and daddy a really pretty painting I made for them. When grandpa pulls up to our house I don't see mommy's car "did mommy already leave for work at the pack house poppa?" I ask my grandpa he looks at me and smiles and pats the top of my head "yes baby girl she did she had some important paperwork to go over with the Alpha and Luna but she told me to let you know she is going to be home in time to cook dinner and help you with your homework" I scrunched my nose but shook my head and smiled my mommy was a great mommy but her cooking always made my tummy hurt but I always ate it because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and even though mommy and daddy both worked there wasn't much food so I was taught never to be picky and always be thankful "okay poppa I will see you tomorrow thank you for picking me up from school" I reached up and kissed his old wrinkly cheek and hopped out of the car and ran into my house daddy was on the couch with his friend Derek they were doing there "medicine" again I don't know why but daddy always tells me to never tell mommy about his medicine he said he didn't want her knowing he's sick which is weird because we are wolves we don't get sick well at least that's what mommy said "hi daddy hi uncle Derek how are you feeling? Do you want something to drink I can make you gentlemen some peanut butter and jellies if you want" mommy always says to treat the warriors of our packs with respect because they keep us safe my daddy and Derek are warriors they're not the strongest but they do their best "no baby girl but thank you can you do daddy a favor and go to your room and do your homework and remember you can't tell mommy about my medicine okay" daddy said I just shrugged smiled and jumped up to give daddy a big kiss on his cheek he smells like beer and whiskey that means another night of hearing mommy and daddy yelling at each other I turn on my heels to walk upstairs to my room "what about me little one don't I get some love come give your uncle a kiss" I stop and look at uncle Derek he's not really my uncle but he's my daddy's best friend I look at daddy and he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath then opens his eyes and smiles at me and nods his head I walk over to uncle Derek and give him a quick peck on the cheek when I start to pull way he grabs my waist hard and fast and pulls me into a tight hug he's hurting me and I can't breath good I hear my dad growl and uncle Derek lets me go "thank you little one that's just what I needed" his eyes flashed black and gave me a evil smile I give him a small smile and walk fast to my room when I get to the top of the stairs I hear my daddy and uncle Derek talking "what the f**k was that man are you that waisted" said daddy "what can I say man she's gonna be a hot piece of ass when she gets older" I herd a deep growl I know its daddy "if you ever let some s**t like that come out of your mouth again I will rip your f*****g head off" "hahaha man your not going to do s**t to me one I am your best friend and two if something happens to me where will you get your supply from huh? You've already burned your bridges with all the others" "just don't do that s**t again what if Laura walked in she would have killed you for touching our daughter or reported you to the alpha" it was quiet for awhile and decided I should go to my room but I instantly stopped when I herd talking again "I want your daughter her smell is absolutely amazing, what if from now on instead of giving me money you let me have some fun with Nikki I wont leave any marks and no one ever has to know it will save you a s**t ton of money" I was expecting to hear my daddy growl or a fight but it was just quiet my eyes started to water 'no no daddy would never let someone hurt me I'm his baby girl no he will always protect me he promised me!!!' "you can help her take a bath before Laura gets home I will go up and talk to her I will link you when she's ready for you 20 minutes tops" I ran to my room and laid down and pretended I was sleeping I heard daddy's feet coming into my room he gently shook my little body till I opened my eyes and looked at him he gave me a weak smile and gently cupped my cheek "baby girl I need you to do something for daddy Derek is going to help you take a bath while I go out to the store I need you to be a good girl and do everything he tells you to do I need my medicine and I have no more money you can not tell anyone okay especially mommy if you tell mommy she will get hurt you don't want mommy to get hurt right" daddy said "no daddy I don't if you need money you can have the money in my piggy bank I have 10 dollars" I smiled thinking that it might keep me safe daddy just looked at me and shook his head "no that's not enough baby girl please just do this for me I know you don't understand but its what has to be done now grab your towel and clothes get ready for your bath" he walked out of the door and i did as I was told 'it will be okay uncle Derek wont hurt me he just wants to give me a bath' I said to myself oh how wrong I was...... End of flashback  that was 10 years ago for 5 years my dad used my body like it was his own personal ATM machine letting different men sneak into my room to touch me or r**e me never knew which was going to happen I guess it just depended on how much drugs they were willing to give him hell sometimes when he was completely strung out he would partake in the abuse over the years I became closed off I hated my parents my dad because of well the obvious but I hated my mom most she was my mom and never once stopped it either she ignored the s**t I was going through or she just didn't give a damn she stopped caring about me when she found out she was knocked up with my twin brothers Kevin and Marcus I absolutely adore my baby brothers and my dad knew it so he started threatening their lives when he realized the ass beatings he was giving me and mom weren't working anymore he even went as far as to try and drown Marcus in the bathtub eventually my mom found out about his drug problem and kicked him out but because I look so much like my father she started to beat me taking out her anger and frustrations I'm 15 now and haven't seen my s**t head father in years the r**e stopped but the verbal and physical abuse I get on a daily basis from my bitter ass mom, family members and pack is just as bad. when my mom found out that my dad was using drugs she reported him to the alpha and luna drug tests were giving to all of the warriors my dad, Derek and 6 others were kicked out of the pack for drug used and classified as rougs that day was one of the happiest days of my pathetic life all 8 of those men r***d me and abused me so I was happy to see them go later I found out that my father and mother were never destined mates they met at a pack party when they were 18 got drunk and had s*x that's how I came along my mom's destined mate found her 3 months later and rejected her because she was pregnant with me my dad's mate died in a car accident when they were 16 so they decided to get married and raise me together my dad was never faithful I swear the man must have f****d at least half of the she-wolves in our pack and that's pretty impressive considering the Red Moon Pack is the largest pack in the country we have about 3,000 pack members because of the shame my father brought his family me being his daughter I was instantly cut off and disowned from his family word spread fast and I was labeled as a traitors daughter the pack members hated to see me I would get slapped kicked punched and verbally abused for no reason I tried my best to keep a low profile and stay away from everyone I would always wear baggy clothes sit in the back of the class and I didn't talk to anyone unless a teacher called on me but still would get beaten up at school daily just to come home and have it done again no one ever found out about what my father and his friends did to me even though they were no longer around I still was afraid for my little brothers I knew what those men were capable of and I wasn't willing to risk it and because so much time had passed I doubted that anyone would believe me anyways so I lived in silent pain sometimes waking up in cold sweat from nightmares. 2 weeks from now I will be turning 16 and I will be able to find my mate but most importantly I will be able to finally shift into my wolf usually you can't hear or speak to your wolf till your first shift but I wasn't like most wolfs because of the trauma I endured at such a young age the moon goddess took pitty on me and allowed me to have contact with my wolf since I was 7 years old I still wasn't able to shift but I could hear and speak to Ava whenever I wanted and I was beyond grateful for that gift if I didn't have Ava I doubt I would have been able to make it all of this time she keeps me strong and from hurting myself I can't wait to finally see her she so much more stronger than I am I just hope that I am worthy of her. As for my mate well apart of me is excited the other part is positive that I will be rejected because at the end of the day who would ever want someone like me I'm used and broken goods not only have I been r***d but the constant beating I get from my family and pack makes it impossible for someone to get close to me let alone touch me without me bursting into tears and running away. when I was 10 Ava convinced me to start training in secret she said the more I train the stronger I will become so every morning at 5am sharp I wake up sneak out of my window and make my way to the training grounds I hide in the trees and watch as the pack warriors practice their fighting skills I have memorized and perfected the moves when the lead warrior yells for push ups and sit ups I gladly oblige even though he is not directly speaking to me and has no idea I am even there I push myself to the limits and go above and beyond when training is over I always run my fastest to get back into my room and take a shower before my mom has the chance to check my room last time she found out I was sneaking out she started screaming calling me a w***e and beat me till I had a broken wrist, broken leg and fractured jaw because wolfs can heal fast and she didn't want to soil her good name in the pack she didn't bother taking me to the pack doctor instead I stayed home from school for a couple of days until my broken bones and bruises healed the first day I had to crawl around the house in order to take care of my brothers who are 4 years old they are the only ones who I truly love and they're the only reason I stick around this hell hole I refuse to leave them although I know my mom would never hurt them I still don't trust her if she couldn't keep me safe how would she ever be able to keep them safe. I hope that some day maybe these boys will see all of my pain and anguish is for them because I refuse to leave them behind maybe someday my mom, my family and my pack will see I am not weak