Love on the brain

Sometimes I think only the moon understands my heartbeat, the ocean my rage, the forest my wild, and the stars my tranquility, my inner light.   If I told that sleep is my escape from reality… would you believe me? That every single second I stay awake it’s torture, coz it feels like I am tied to painful chains of life and I can’t do anything but watch her take control of every little thing I lost control of long before I knew it. I try to keep my eyes closed no matter what. I kept them closed when I was born, I kept them closed when I made friends…I kept them closed when I lost him and I even kept them closed when I wanted to see his last goodbye. Just to be clear the him was my dad… he ran mad and was admitted in a mental hospital far off on an island. Mum said it would be better if he was further after all the heart grows founder that way right? Anyways I don’t blame him though, when life’s a b***h and you have no excuse for leaving…you just ran mad and s**t solves itself out just like that. He did try though to mend what was left of us his family but I guess the pressure got to him. Sometimes I swear mum looks at me like I remind her of him like I will too give up on her and let her give me up. To be honest I can’t say am fine when my life has been upside down and dark for half of it. And this year isn’t any better I have finally caught up to my thoughts and they landed me to a psychologist’s appointments every three months coz apparently in my new school I need to be fit mentally. That sucks though like I don’t need to be happy to live but my new school is a rich people school and am under scholarship… I mean I would have to be mad to reject that opportunity. So I guess it’s worth going to therapy for plus it’s in the UK and I love me them fancy British accents. “Maya wakeup your about to be late for your flight” mum yells like I wasn’t up all night coz of my anxiety of today. I jump off my bed in my messy animal pajamas and messy hair and run for the bathroom before any of my siblings. Wait did I mention I have a sister and a gassy little brother coz they are the reason of my headaches every morning. My sister is a college freshman and is a b***h about it coz I don’t know she thinks that life begins there. And my annoying brother is a class drag for me basically I am not seeing me a light at school coz he is literally in every corner pocking his huge eyes like he can’t mind his damn business and together him and my sister just sit their sad loads on the chairs and talk trash about me. So basically they are my home personal bullies just that they are everywhere and that’s one of the main reasons why I would die to go to a whole continent away from them. So I enter the bathroom and find it very clean for the first time and take the longest bath ever in history of my showers just to piss of my siblings and then I get out when I literally find them sleeping next to the bathroom floor and I do the cruelest thing. I get some super cold water with ice from the kitchen and basically pour it in their night gowns and run as fast as I can coz wow will they kill me for even taking long in the bathroom. I super lock my door and hear them run up to my door and start banging the door while yelling and shaking probably from the ice. I burst into laughter out of just pure satisfaction with what I have done. Honestly they deserved that. “Maya when you get out I swear am gonna knock you down the stairs’’ Juju my little brother threatens like he can do that when am holding my bat. “Maya I am going to tie you up and throw you you in a pool of ice… just wait and see” Tina says with a shake in her voice. Then I decide to make them fight a bit before mum shows up. “So if you all wanna kill me and all whose gonna enter the bathroom first or you each have bodyguards waiting at the door for one of you to turn up” I say then I count to four and boom I hear them tackling their way to the bathroom and fighting like the true animals they are. I am too bad for my own good. I dress up in my most comfortable clothes I have out coz once I reach SkyHills the fancy ass school, I will mostly be in uniform or something mandatory. My comfortable is a pair of army print pants, a crop top to show off the abs I have been killing my body for of course, a cute pair of boots, a jaghead and a necklace to go with the whole I am a rebel kinda look. And I drag my stuff out of my room not even looking back at them mess I left it in. I mean mum is gonna rent it out to some stranger for some student exchange program and all so I want to give them the sweet welcome to my room kinda touch with my arts on the wall and my love story hidden somewhere in my bed and probably some of my clothes scattered on the floor but am sure that they can fix it up. I get down and mum has fixed up a really fast breakfast which is pizza ordered just a few minutes ago so much for having a healthy diet. Mum helps to load my entire luggage in the back of the car and I carry the most important thing which is the pizza. I seat at the front of the car waiting for mum to enter and start the car so we can head off to the airport. As mum starts the car, she asks me the funniest question “Do you want to say goodbye?” she asks with a simple smile. I first laugh then look out the window and nod my head no. We head off to the airport the journey is long so I decide to wear my earphones and listen to some music to relax me. “Hey were here” mum says and I realize that I didn’t think of her throughout this whole journey. It breaks my heart knowing that I am going to leave her alone with my terrible siblings who are just chaos and I will miss our late night shows and talks coz that’s all we had. We of load my stuff and place it on the trolley at this point is the only one I never want to witness… a mother saying goodbye to her baby. I hug mum so tight I think I might have popped her back. She gives me a kiss and laughs with little tears falling down her face. Then she enters her car and drives away. To be honest in our family we don’t truly know how to say goodbye but I just plain hate it. “Ms. White I am here to escort you through your journey to SkyHills” an elderly looking man says while holding up a sign showing his authenticity. So I follow him and the journey begins to my freedom, my shake and break.