Future Lost

28

When the feed comes back again, the men are unconscious on the floor while a woman walks past them without hesitation. She’s wearing dark clothes that completely cover her body, including a hood that hides her face, and the camera never gets a good angle on her. Almost like she knew it was there.

“Not much to go on,” I say. The clothes remind me of what Paige and Zahra were wearing in the future, and they did use smoke bombs to infiltrate the militia, but I can’t believe it was either one of them.

“I’ll have security see what else they can get,” Vincent says. “Whoever it is, we’ll find her.”

“Any idea why she was here?” Adam asks. “Did she take anything?”

“Not that we can tell. I’ll let you know when we have more information.” He shuts off the screen and turns to us. “Until then, be careful. We don’t know what she wants or where she went.”

“We will.”

He nods but eyes Adam carefully. “Did you find the information you were seeking in the future?”

“Unfortunately, no,” Adam says.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

I study Vincent’s face, but he seems genuine. I’ve never trusted him, but since the death of his son, he’s changed and become more subdued. And even though his future self locked us up and tried to force us to make a vaccine for him, I understand why he did it—especially after seeing the mayhem the Infected unleashed upon the base. He was trying to protect his people and save the world, and I can’t fault him for that when I’m trying to do the same thing.

I unlock the door to the apartment, and Max rushes toward us, his tail wagging at top speed. Adam gathers the dog in his arms and buries his face in his fur. It’s been only a few hours since I left, but for Adam, it’s been months.

“I missed you so much, little guy,” he says. Max responds by trying to lick Adam’s face all over.

“What was it like, living there for so long?” I ask.

Adam releases Max and straightens up. “In some ways, it wasn’t too bad. The Militia had food, water, and electricity, although all of those things were carefully rationed out. I was free to move around inside the base, when I wasn’t locked in the lab. But the Infected were outside the walls at all times, and the people inside had a weariness to them I’ve never seen before, even the children. Like they expected death to come for them at any moment.”

“Were you scared?”

“I was scared I’d never see you again.” His eyes meet mine, but there’s hesitation in them. “Now I’m scared you’ll never be able to forgive me.”

“I’m not sure I can.” I wish I had a better answer, but I have to be honest with him.

His brow furrows, his face pained. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness anyway.”

Neither one of us moves from the entryway. We stare at each other, waiting for the tension between us to break or for one of us to say something more. We need to have a conversation about what he did and about our future, but I’m not ready for it yet. Neither is he. We’re both exhausted, physically and emotionally, and we’re still wearing our bloodstained clothes. I can’t even remember the last time we ate, and Adam’s already too skinny as it is. We need to shower and grab some food before we do anything else.

“You should shower first,” Adam says, as if reading my thoughts. “I’ll feed Max.”

“You sure?” Yesterday I would have invited Adam to join me, but not anymore. Maybe never again. “It’s been a long time since you were home…”

“I’m sure. You need it more.”

I glance down at myself. “Good point.”

I head into the bathroom and shut the door, then lean forward on the sink and stare in the mirror. I barely recognize myself. Blood has dried in my tangled hair, dust has caked onto my skin, and my eyes are dark and haunted. Somehow my clothes are even worse. I strip them off and toss them in the trash. Those bloodstains will never come out. I know that from experience.

The hot water washes off all the grime, blood, and physical traces of that terrible future, but it will never erase my memories of it. My mind replays flashes on a loop I can’t seem to shake away from. Walking through ruined, abandoned Los Angeles. Driving away from Wombat, knowing we were leaving him to die. Watching the Infected surround Paige and Zahra, while Adam and I got away.

Every memory reminds me of how important our task is now that we’re back in the present. Our friends sacrificed everything to make sure we made it back here safely. Even though we don’t have the photo, we’ll have to find a way to stop that future from ever happening—no matter what it takes.

But the worst memories are the ones that remind me of what I am. A killer.

The sick squish when I bashed the Infected’s head in with a baseball bat. The warm spray of blood when I shot those guards. The cold feel of the knife slicing the other guard’s throat.

Adam was right. Their deaths might never happen in the future. But they happened for me.

I sink down to the floor of the shower and curl up into a ball, letting the water hit my back. The memories go back, back, back to six months ago, when I shot Jeremy in the chest in front of the accelerator. The look on his face before he fell haunts me, even now. He would have killed me and Adam, along with Vincent, but still. He was my age, and I ended his life without a second thought.