Future Lost

4

It seems I’m not the only one who’s noticed Adam’s been acting different lately. For too long I pushed my worries aside and told myself everything would be fine, but I can’t ignore it anymore. Over the last six months, Adam has changed. At first I thought it was because of the things we saw in the future or what happened when we got back to the present, but now I’m not sure. All I know is that it always comes back to genicote: the cure for cancer that Adam is destined to develop. A week after Jeremy’s death, I stumbled upon some of his things in Adam’s possession—including a sample of genicote from the future. I debated destroying it, worried that if Adam made the cure too early it would change the timeline for the worse, but Adam convinced me that the sample would allow him to create the cure faster. I hoped his desperation to rush genicote’s development would subside once he had that sample, but I was wrong. If anything, that only made it worse.

The front door opens, and Max rushes over to greet his favorite human. Adam’s voice calls out, “Hey, everyone. Sorry I’m late.”

I push those thoughts to the back of my mind and slap a smile on my face as I step out to greet him. A sharp pang strikes my heart at the sight of him, as it always does, even after a year of being together. He’s tall and handsome, with a sharp jaw, broad shoulders, and slightly messy dark hair, but the calm, intelligent blue eyes behind his black glasses are what always make my pulse race. He has a way of looking at me like I’m the only thing in the world that matters, and it makes me fall for him over and over again. He’s giving me the same look now, except his eyes have dark circles under them and his hair is even messier than normal and a bit longer than he usually likes.

“Elena.” He smiles at me and grabs my waist, pulling me in for a quick kiss, but I turn my face away so he gets my cheek instead. His smile falls for an instant, but then he turns to our friends again, and it snaps back into place. If they notice, they choose not to say anything about the tension between us.

For the next few hours, we pretend everything is fine, when it’s obviously not. Adam makes a toast to “Good friends—friends we’ve made, friends we’ve lost, and friends we’ll meet some day,” and everyone raises their glasses with a smile. We’re six time travelers stuck in the present, trapped between our tragic pasts and our uncertain futures, but at least we have one another.

After everyone leaves, I stand at the sink and rinse dishes, while Adam finishes cleaning up the living room. He moves behind me, resting his hands on my waist, burying his face in the back of my hair.

“I’m sorry,” he says at my ear.

Something snaps in me, like all the emotions I’ve kept in check all evening can’t be held back a second longer. I slide out of his grasp and turn to look at him. “I’m tired of hearing you’re sorry. Especially tonight, of all nights.”

He runs a hand through his hair, but that only makes it even more unkempt. “I know. I have no excuse, but I’m so close, Elena. I just need a few more weeks and—”

I throw my dish towel on the counter. “I’ve heard that before too.”

He sighs. “What do you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to say anything.” I scrub my palms over my eyes, suddenly exhausted. “I hardly see you anymore, and when I do, I barely recognize you. I want the old Adam back.”

“I’m still the same person. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much lately, but I can’t stand by and let people die of cancer every day, knowing the cure is so close to being ready. All I have to do is figure out how to make it safe. Then things will go back to normal, I promise.”

We learned in numerous futures that genicote had one major problem: when used on anyone who didn’t have cancer, it killed them. In one timeline, Aether wanted to turn it into a biological weapon for the government, while in another, a rival corporation called Pharmateka was using it in a war with China.

I cross my arms. “Your future self said making it safe wasn’t possible.”

“He was wrong. I’m so much further along than he was. He took ten years to develop genicote, and it’s only taken me months, thanks to the sample Jeremy brought back from the future. But I can’t release it into the world until I make sure it won’t hurt anyone.” He takes a step forward, his eyes pleading with me. “I refuse to let my life’s work be used to take lives instead of saving them. I just need a little more time. Why can’t you understand that?”

Something in his eyes scares me. That calm intelligence I love has been replaced by a wild look, both determined and manic, and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before. Genicote has become an obsession for him, and developing it has become his addiction.

I try to keep my voice steady. “I understand. I do. Your work is important, and one day you will save lives with it, but right now I’m worried about you. I’m worried about us.”

His hand comes up and slowly tucks a stray piece of dark hair behind my ear, then trails down to my cheek. “You don’t ever need to worry about us.”

I lean into his touch ever so slightly. I crave his comfort even when I’m upset with him. I want him to make everything right somehow, but that’s impossible. “In every timeline you visited, you took years to develop genicote, and now you’re rushing ahead without taking the time to do it right. I’m scared you’ll make a mistake in your haste that might cost lives instead of saving them. And I’m terrified you’ll lose yourself in the process and change our future to something neither of us can live with.”