N.S.

chapter 16

texts: past midnight

2:57 AM:

N: Harper?

H: babe?

N: i'm sorry...

H: what's wrong? do you wanna talk about it?

H: sorry ni , i mean, do you want to express your feelings?

N: nice save babe would it be too late for you to come by?

H: any time is acceptable for you.

N: i just wanna talk...

H: we're not breaking it off, are we?

N: no, absolutely no way. it's just something that's been making me feel a bit uneasy.

H: how uneasy?

N: i have a letter for you.

H: i'm leaving now.

Harper

Nick and I were perched on the roof, all our limbs tangled together. I could feel his heart beating against mine and I honestly didn't want to move.

"You're quite the koala bear today aren't you?" I teased, noting the way Nick held tightly to me.

Nick blushed and I chuckled.

"What's up?"

His face paled and he frowned at the ground. After awhile, I reached for his cheek and brushed it with my thumb. When he finally looked at me, he was crying.

"Nick what's going on?"

He wipes his tears and hands me a two paged letter. Usually Nick goes straight to the point but now, I know something has him unsettled.

letter

Harper,

I can't even begin to explain the immense guilt I'm feeling. Well, obviously I can because here it is in a long wondrous letter. It's been bugging me ever since the day I laid my eyes on you. I knew it would come up and earlier today it did.

Harper, I can't talk.

We can't be a normal couple.

Normal couples talk to each other and socialise and whisper into each other's ears all cutely...

I can't do that. I'm not able to talk to you or whisper in your ear, or even tell you that I love you so so so much.

I feel horrible because of it all, really. I know you want to hear my voice I know it. But knowing that I can't give that to you kills me Harper. I want to give you the world but the world won't listen to me. I won't be able to say anything they can listen to anyway. It sucks Harper. It f*****g sucks. Not being able to talk is the worst gift--not even, a curse--that has been bestowed onto me. I won't be able to say hello or goodbye, and the only way I can say the things I want to say is through paper. And that's stupid. Because it isn't the same Harper.

It hurts so much and I know you want to hear those words but to be completely and utterly honest I have a sick feeling you're going to leave me.

That's why it sucks.

I've been holding on too tight with nothing in between to balance it out. That's why it's going to hurt like hell when you finally get tired of the boy who can't talk.

-Nick

Harper

After reading his letter, I couldn't look at him.

I told him I had to go and left his house, giving him a quick couple kisses before I left.

It stirred something in my brain...

Why do I love him? It's all happened so fast, and I'm now just wondering, is real, or did it occur because if the bliss I was in when I had first discovered his true identity?

There was something, I just wasn't sure what it was.

Nick

Well I sure did f**k that up.

texts: early morning

we're coming to an end soon, only 28 or more parts left, and then a sequel whatttttt¿

7:45 AM

FOUR DAYS LATER

H: Nick i want to apologise for leaving you that night on your roof.

H: Nick why aren't you answering you always have your phone

H: Nick are you alright?

texts: midday

12:37 PM

H: Nick why aren't you answering?

H: Nick m'getting worried...

H: babe?

H: ni i only left because i do love you. i wanted to make sure it was for the right reasons because honestly, i don't want to hurt you. and i care about you more than anything in the world so please please please reply...

fun fact: i (the author) was born at 12:37 pm :)

texts: late night

11:11 PM

H: it's 11:11 and i wished that you'd replyyyy

H: Nick.

H: Nick are you pissed?

H: you're surely pissed my god have i screwed up.

H: i'm going to sleep now

H: i love you

H: so so much

H: unconditionally

H: love you

H: okay bye i love you okay please don't let that leave your mind.

texts: evening

8:41 PM

THREE DAYS LATER

N: Harper

H: Nick i've been so worried are you alright.

N: just come to the hospital

H: why what's wrong?

N: just come

Harper

To say I was scared would be the opposite of an over-exaggeration. I was completely and utterly terrified. I had no idea why Nick was in the hospital and I was frightened to figure out.

I barely parked my motorcycle correctly before I jumped off and dashed through the front doors.

I saw Nick's blond head in the middle of a large crowd. His head was in his hands and a doctor was shouting at him. His shoulders were shaking and he was shying away from all the people around him.

"I can't save her unless you answer my questions!" he screamed. Oh no...

"Sir! Sir stop it please! You're scaring the bloody s**t out of him!"

The crowd parted as I made my way through, stepping in front of Nick.

"What seems to be the issue?" I asked, trying to sound a little professional.

"I'm trying to get him to answer some questions about the patient he brought here but he won't talk to me!"

"Sir," I said calmly, "he's mute. He won't be able to speak to you whether he wants to or not."

"Well can you answer the questions then?"

"I'm sorry, I'm only his boyfriend, but w-who is the patient?" I asked.

"Grace Judge, sister to Bobby Judge?"

His aunt...

"Sir, is there any other family we can contact?" the doctor tapped my shoulder.

"Not that I know of, I'm sorry." I said, knowing that Nick's family was very complicated.

"We'll keep searching then, thank you. You both can wait here or you can leave and we can call you, Mr..."

"O'Neill. Harper O'Neill. We won't be far, so I'll give you my number."

I wrote it down on a small card I picked up on the side table next to me.

"Thank you."

The rude doctor left and I took Nick's hand, taking him out the hospital.

"Have you had any dinner yet?"

He shook his head and that was enough for me. I passed him a helmet and started my motorcycle.

"C'mon, I'll pay."

--

Nick and I sat in a small diner, our orders already placed and cups of tea sitting in front of us.

"Nick, what happened?"

He looked and me and reached in his pocket for the tiny notebook we used instead of his cellphone.

She had a heart attack, I came home from the grocery store to see her...like...motionless.

My heart ached sadly for Nick to come home to his caretaker in such a state.

"And?"

So I called 911 and hung up, knowing they'd come. I couldn't talk to them anyway. They brought her to the hospital. While I was in the waiting room the doctors all came up to me and started rambling on and on. I could feel the claustrophobia beginning to kick in so I texted you. I missed you and I needed you there with me.

I held out my hand for Nick to take and he placed his in mine. I pulled him up and brought him to sit on my side of the booth.

"Nick I was so scared when you stopped replying to me texts the entire week...I love you, you know that right?"

Nick nodded an began to write again.

I know Harper and I'm sorry for not answering. I thought you just needed space and I was taking up too much of your time. Especially after the whole incident on the roof at my house...

I pulled Nick on my lap and kissed him as hard as I could. When I pulled away his entire face was red and I chuckled.

"Listen I love you so much it hurts okay? Don't worry about it anymore."

Nick nodded and moved back to sit on the bench, instantly cuddling into my side.

After we had gotten our food we just hung out in the diner, discussing things that had happened over the week. I had gotten a call from the doctor when Nick was confronting me about my 11:11 reference and how cheesy it was.

"Hello?" I said.

"Mr. O'Neill, we'd appreciate it if you and Mr. Judge return to the hospital at this time. We're about to go into surgery."

--

7:12 AM

Ten hours were spent waiting for that doctor to come out with the results of the surgery.

Five hours of sleeping.

One hour of driving.

Two hours of cuddling.

One hour of crying.

Two hours of silly games we ended up creating.

When the doctor came out, Nick was fast asleep in my arms, his body pressed against mine. The doctor had a sad regretful look on his face and a wave of fear came over me.

"We couldn't save her, I'm sorry."

No...

I shook Nick gently. His blue eyes shone as he looked around, spotting the doctor as soon as he sat up. He looked up at him with pleading eyes, but the doctor shook his head again.

"I'm sorry."

His face paled and tears streamed down his face. He leaned his back into my chest again and brought his knees to his own chest. Sobs racked from his body as I wrapped my arms around him, holding his shaking figure as he let it all out.

"We'll call you again to see how Mr. Judge would like to arrange funeral plans."

I nodded and the doctor left us alone. Nick's sobs echoed in the waiting room, and I couldn't help but begin to cry as well.