I Found You Again, MY DAHLIA

*Seoul, South Korea — December 17, 2023. 2:00 PM. KSPO Dome Backstage.* _"Number 23! Choi Mina! You're up!"_ My legs were shaking. Not because of nerves. Because *after 6 months of being a fan, 6 months since he saved my life through a VLive, I was finally gonna meet Lee Jihyun.* Ako si *Choi Mina*, 26, nagttrabaho ako sa JEO COMPANY . At yung kwarto ko? *Literal shrine ni Lee Jihyun.* Walls covered in *AURA* posters — 5-member group, siya yung maknae. Solo debut albums naka-display. Magazine pages naka-tape. Photocards arranged by era. Laptop wallpaper niya naka-hoodie, eyebags. Phone lockscreen niya naka-stage, mic sa lips. *6 months ago, wala 'to.* 6 months ago, I was Choi Mina na iniwan ng 2-year boyfriend via text: _"Pagod na ako sa'yo. Ang lungkot mo kasi laging kasama."_ *June 15, 2023. 1:12 AM.* I was on our apartment rooftop. 14 floors. _"Walang may pake kung mawala ako,"_ bulong ko. Then my phone — naiwan kong naka-open sa VLive — nag-noise. Random idol, 1 AM, walang makeup, hoodie. *Lee Jihyun.* I didn't even know his name. He read a comment: _"Oppa, I want to die. Does it get better?"_ He froze for 20 seconds. Then: _"...I don't know if it gets better. Honestly? I'm asking myself the same thing tonight."_ _"But if you go, I'll be mad. Because I'm still here. If I can stay one more day, maybe you can too?"_ _"Let's be stupid together. Let's stay. Just for tonight. Then tomorrow, we'll see."_ _"Promise me. Don't leave first. I won't either."_ I didn't jump. I crawled back inside, shaking, and Googled him at 5 AM. *Lee Jihyun, 26, maknae of AURA.* By sunrise, I was a fan. By Week 2, I knew every song. By Month 3, I was alive because of him. --- *December 17, 2023. 2:05 PM. Fansign Table.* He looked up. *Lee Jihyun, 27.* Eyebags. Tired. But when he smiled — the real one, not the idol one — putangina. Worth it lahat ng ipon ko. "You were crying during _Bridge_ soundcheck," he said, signing my album. "3rd row, right? Black hoodie?" I choked. _"O-Opo. You... you saw me?"_ He tied a *white and gold friendship bracelet* on my wrist. Fingers cold. "My mom said if you save someone, they find you in every life. So wear this. And don't cry anymore, okay?" Then gummy smile. "Unless it's because my concert was _that_ good. Then cry." He handed me a photocard. At the back, handwritten: _"To Mina, stay alive. -Jihyun"_ I walked out of the dome floating. Video-called my *Kuya Minho*, 30 college dropout na nagwo-work sa convenience store para may pang-tuition ako. _"KUYA! BUHAY AKO! SI JIHYUN HUMAWAK SA KAMAY KO! HE TOLD ME TO STAY ALIVE!"_ Kuya sighed sa kabilang linya. _"Mina. Kumain ka na ba? Baka nahihilo ka lang."_ _"KUYA NAMAN! THIS IS REAL! HE NOTICED ME!"_ _"...Okay. Basta umuwi ka agad. Delikado sa gabi."_ Click. Kuya Minho doesn't get it. Ever since Mama and papa died, siya lang pamilya ko. And since naging fan ako ni Jihyun, lagi kaming nag-aaway. _"Baliw ka na sa lalaking 'yan, Mina. 6 months lang. Tao lang yan."_ Hindi niya alam. *Si Jihyun yung rason bakit ako humihinga pa.* --- *December 17, 2023. 9:30 PM. Concert Proper — 'Bridge' Last Song.* _"This song is for the ones who stayed,"_ bulong ni Jihyun sa mic. _"And for the ones who almost didn't."_ He looked straight at 3rd row. At me. And sang: _"If you're tired, meet me where the water forgets. I'll be there. I promise I won't leave first."_ I screamed _"I LOVE YOU!"_ until my throat bled. He smiled. Winked. *11:58 PM.* I posted on Twitter, hugging my pillow: _"JIHYUN SAID HE SAW ME CRY AND TOLD ME NOT TO CRY ANYMORE. HE PROMISED HE WON'T LEAVE FIRST!!! I'M GONNA LIVE TO 100!!!"_ I fell asleep with the bracelet on. Best day of my life. --- *December 18, 2023. 3:42 AM.* Phone ko nag-vibrate. 1 text. Then 10. Then 2,847 notifications. I opened Twitter. *#RIPLeeJihyun* — 1.2M tweets. *#WeLoveYouJihyun* — 890K tweets. *#Bridge* — 500K tweets. *[BREAKING] Lee Jihyun, 27, found deceased in Cheongdam apartment at 2:15 AM. Police suspect suicide. No note found. He was scheduled for enlistment next month.* The bracelet suddenly burned my skin. _"...I won't leave first."_ _"Promise me. Don't leave first. I won't either."_ *LIAR. LIAR. LIAR.* I couldn't scream. Walang air. I threw my phone. It smashed his poster — the glass cracked right across his smile. The smile he gave me 4 hours ago. _"PAANO AKO MABUBUHAY KUNG WALA KA NA?!"_ I grabbed his signed photocard. _"SABI MO STAY ALIVE! SABI MO HINDI KA MAUUNANG MAWALA!"_ I opened his last VLive from 3 days ago. He was laughing. _"See you after my service, guys. I'll be back. Promise."_ *YOU PROMISED. YOU PROMISED. YOU PROMISED.* --- *December 18, 2024. 1st Death Anniversary.* 1 year. Room ko shrine pa rin. Mas malala. May life-size standee na. May candle. May cake every month on the 17th. Kuya Minho came home from work. Saw me talking to the standee. _"Jihyun, alam mo ba, pumasa ako sa exam..."_ _"MINA!"_ He grabbed my arm. Eyes red. Galit. _"TAMA NA! ISANG TAON NA! TAO LANG SIYA! PATAY NA SIYA!"_ I slapped his hand away. _"WAG MO SIYANG TAWAGING 'TAO LANG'! SIYA YUNG BUHAY KO!"_ _"EH AKO?!"_ Kuya shouted, voice breaking. _"AKO BUHAY PA! KAPATID MO AKO! ARAW-ARAW NAKIKITA KITANG UMIIYAK SA PICTURE NG PATAY! HINDI MO BA AKO NAKIKITA?!"_ My eyes were wild. Bloodshot. _"IKAW? Anong ginawa mo nung gusto kong tumalon nung June? WALA! SI JIHYUN YUNG NAGSABI SAKIN NA STAY! SIYA YUNG SUMALBA SAKIN!"_ Kuya froze. Then whispered: _"Mina... I was working double shifts that month para pambili mo ng mga kaylangan mo. Hindi mo alam kasi tulog ka pag-uwi ko."_ I didn't care. I was too far gone. _"pwd ba kuya wag mo pakialaman buhay ko? Ha tigilan muna pakikialam saakin kuyaa dikita kaylngan!"_ _"BALIWWWW KANA MINA!"_ Kuya threw the cake I baked sa floor. _" SO GANON SGE GAWIN MO GUSTO MO!"_ I grabbed my bag. _"KUNG HINDI SIYA BABALIK, AKO NA LANG ANG PUPUNTA SA KANYA!"_ I ran out. 12 AM. Anniversary ng death niya. At ako, nasa Han River Bridge. Kuya ran after me, crying. _" S-Sorry!"_ Pero wala na ako. I was gone. --- *December 17, 2025. 2nd Death Anniversary.* Mag-isa ako sa apartment. Kuya moved out after our fight last year. He still sends money. He still texts _"Kumain ka na?"_ everyday. I never reply but I know I hurts his feeling. I spent the day rewatching _Bridge_ concert. At 3:42 AM, I cut my wrist. Not deep. Just enough to feel something. _"Jihyun, 2 years na. Pagod na ako mag-isa."_ --- *December 17, 2026. 3rd Death Anniversary. 11:58 PM.* I'm 29 Room ko museum na. Kuya hasn't seen me in 2 years. Last text niya: _"Mina. Please. Umuwi ka na. Mahal kita. Kahit baliw ka, kapatid kita."_ I didn't reply. Instead, I was on Muyeong High Rooftop. Where he filmed his drama. Where he carved _"Jihyun was here. 2019. I'm tired."_ _"Sapat na siguro yung 3 years, 'no?"_ bulong ko sa phone niya. _"3 years ka nang wala. Ako naman."_ And that's when the old woman with the dahlia pin appeared. --- *To be continued...*