Hello, Kenzo

Just like any other day, I break

The day started like any other on a Friday morning. The only difference was that it had been raining since this morning and had started pouring in less than an hour. So I was already running late for work.

I reached the doorstep of the school and took deep breaths before finally walking in, looking frustrated after doing a quick scrolling on my phone.

"Good morning kids," I greeted the children with my lowest voice, as I entered the room.

Christmas lights were hung up around the perimeter of the building and colorful garlands covered every wall of the main corridor. Children vibrated with excitement and happy spirits for the coming holiday.

It would have been nice if I was feeling the joyous moment too but unfortunately, I was lost.

"Ok, sit down everyone!" I commanded, clapping my hands, and tapping the table in the front. "Today will be a busy day." I began explaining to the children what was going on with sign language. "We will have a quiz and then, we will decorate our room with whatever designs you come up to hang on our Christmas tree, to be placed...over there. Sounds good?" I announced, earning excited cheers from the children.

I handed over the papers for the quiz to each student, walking heavily as I passed by each row.

"Start!" I instructed once I got to the back of the class, where the rest of the class was.

Everyone grabbed their papers and started answering their quiz. I still managed to prepare for the quiz despite my anxiousness and frustrations the night before.

I returned to my desk and pulled out my phone to check once again if Kenzo had responded to my messages.

But as the colder breeze of the morning blew in the open window, I stood unbothered by the freezing temperature, leaning on my desk, as I felt torn and started to feel more annoyed after seeing that there were still no responses from Kenzo.

He had not called in days...I was devastated and in chaos, thinking what had gone wrong?

I returned my phone in my pocket and sank on my chair trying to remember every bit of a second since our last meeting.

"Lost in thoughts again, my dear Stella," a fellow teacher interrupted my reverie, approaching closer.

"Hi Nai-" I quickly composed myself and greeted my fellow teacher, "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention. What do you want, Nai?" I asked her.

My mind seemed too busy, thinking about Kenzo, which I really didn't want to think of but I couldn't just stop myself. It was tormenting and cracking my mind because I clearly remembered that Kenzo told me to continue whatever we had.

"Wanna join us? We'll go out tonight," Nai grinned, whispering in delight.

I paused but then, I agreed. I realized I needed some time off my thoughts. After all, Christmas Day would be coming soon and I was sure I wouldn't be able to handle it alone.

"Ok," I smiled back.

We waited all afternoon until the school was over as we both walked to the gate together and followed Nai outside, who led me into her car. She drove to a nearby bar not far from the school. Others would just meet us there.

It was a very lively night with laughter and jokes flying between everyone around the table. The suited ambiance gave the bar a welcoming vibe which made it much more appealing than most of the bars I had gone to. The music and dancing provided plenty of stimulation to keep me distracted from my thoughts.

However, I found it hard to stay focused on the conversation at hand, as I had too many distracting images in my head.

If there was any place that held too much of memories of the time I spent with Kenzo, it was the bar.

Nai noticed my discomfort and kept on trying to cheer me up, which I did gladly but eventually, I grew tired and excused myself for the night, telling Nai that I would see her tomorrow.

I gave up. Being happy without a reason was just too hard to pull off.

I went home, a little drunk, and who knew how long I spent staring at my phone, waiting for Kenzo's response.

But he never sent anything. I sighed and turned off my phone, getting ready for bed as a cold shower sounded great right now.

Once I lay down in my bed, the memories of the evening came rushing back to my mind like a tidal wave, drowning me in despair.

I tried desperately to hold myself together but soon succumbed to tears. And that's when the floodgates opened and I couldn't stop myself anymore.

My emotions overwhelmed me and I sobbed quietly, my body shaking. I tried to push it down, knowing fully well I shouldn't cry. I have always told myself about getting hurt. So, I should endure it.

But how could this happen? Why did he just stop calling me?

Weeks went by and I tried to barely survive each day for the sake of my job and the fear my family would find out if I wasn't careful enough.

The thing I feared the most was getting them hurt because I was hurt. That is too unfair for them.

Days turned nights and nights turned days. I would drown myself with movies but it would always end up me tormenting myself.

Each day, I repeated inside my head, hoping against hope that he would show up the next day, or even a message would suffice.

But he didn't.

And I was left with nothing but pain and regret.

I tried to forget about him, but it was impossible.

Argh, I couldn't lose my sanity yet, or I'll lose financial stability. So, work would be the best distraction at the moment.

Then, one day, after many days, it was pouring rain again.

"Ugh, that sucks," I whined and turned away from the window, stretching my arms above my head. My muscles were sore from sitting for so long. I hadn't moved a muscle since the rain started.

I stretched again, making a satisfying sound when my shoulders popped. Then, my phone vibrated and startled me, causing me to jump in surprise. I grabbed my phone and stared at the screen in disbelief.

A message from Kenzo appeared on the top of the notification box.

I picked it up immediately. A big smile graced my lips, showing my teeth. I unlocked it and read his message.

[Baby. Room 404!]

From: Kenzo

My heart started pounding and I gulped nervously.

[See you.]

To: Kenzo

I jumped, excited. My face grew hot, and my stomach started fluttering.

I threw on my simplest clothes rushed to Vrianne and nervously waited for him in Room 404.

"Hey!" He exclaimed when he saw me, hugging me as usual after entering the door.

His voice calmed every turmoil down inside me.

He's here. He's standing in front of me. I missed him. I badly missed him.

My tears fell once again as I wrapped my arms around him tightly.

He was surprised by my embrace but then, slowly, his arms encircled me. His hands were caressing my hair.

I felt safe in his embrace. I couldn't believe that he was here.

I let him take my hand and led me to the bed.

"I missed you," I barely whispered.

But he did not bother answering. Instead, he started taking off his clothes.

"K...Kenzo," I tried to talk to him but he ignored me.

"Kenzo!" I shouted again, my eyes wide open.

His body was completely naked except for his undergarments and socks and he looked at me with such seriousness as if he wanted to make me understand something.

But what? What the hell does he mean by his gaze? Is he angry?

"You need to tell me what's going on Kenzo," I questioned, my voice cracking and a lump forming in my throat. "Please Kenzo," I begged, placing my palms against his chest.

But he shut me up with a kiss. He pushed me down and straddled me, pinning my hands above my head. He removed his socks and placed my legs around his waist.

I moaned as he placed soft kisses on my collarbone and neck, leaving love bites on my skin.

It was bittersweet. I am with Kenzo, but I felt a million miles away from him.

I wanted to stop but I couldn't. My body refused against my mind.

So yeah, I remained even though my heart was breaking. I let him devour me. I allowed him to take control and dominate my entire being.

I don't know how much time passed, I didn't care. After what seemed to me forever, he stopped his actions and lowered himself on me.

My eyes closed in exhaustion and frustration, but I wanted to feel the warmth of his breath on my neck and listen to his deep raspy breathing.

I lost again! I surrendered every bit of pride left in me just to be with him.

And that's what I did for the coming weeks!

I came whenever he asked for it. Even if it was just every other week, as long as I got to see him.

There was no other choice for me to do but to be contented with the little despair he was giving me. I was getting used to it anyway.

Maybe a little, he could realize that I deserve better if he see me not giving up on him.

"That's enough, Stella!" my friend grabbed the drink away from me.

"No! Give that back!" I protested.

"Oh no, Stella," she shook her head. "You are already wasted enough. You will be sick tomorrow if you drink any more. Please, I'm begging you."

She handed me another glass of water before placing it down beside me.

"I feel like a sh-t!" I slurred.

"Yeah, so did I," she agreed.

We sat silently for a while, watching the people around us dance and drink and laugh. We were sitting close to the kitchen counter where the drinks were made. I was feeling a bit dizzy from the alcohol and the alcohol-induced haze was beginning to fade. I felt a bit lightheaded and my vision was starting to blur.

"Stella?"

"Hmm?" I hummed, looking at her.

"Are you okay?"

"No," I nodded.

"Do you want to go home?"

"No," I said quickly. "I want to stay here."

"Is it about the kid?"

"Awww, why do you have to say the perfect words at the worst time?"

"Stella, what is happening to you? The Stella I know, doesn't cry over men, you make them cry. You are strong. You are tough. You raised Vri alone, so why?"

"I...I love him," I replied with difficulty, my voice sounding weak and hoarse. "I love him so much."

"Whatever! Make him understand how you feel. If he's stupid to keep ignoring it, then f-ck him! Look, why not respond to the police guy? Ha?"

"Tsk! Shut up! I only need Kenzo,"

I made it home. It was over a week and he was not even making a single message.

But because I was too drunk, I wanted to give it another shot before finally accepting the fact that I had already lost him. For good!

[Let's meet, in Room 404. After this, you will never have to see me again!]

To: Kenzo

He came and I handled it this time.

"Kenzo, please, choose me!" I cried desperately, grabbing his shirt. I was desperate to hear his answer.

"Please don't leave me..." I sobbed uncontrollably as tears started rolling down my cheeks.

My hands trembled as I removed our clothes and straddled over him.

I kissed him hungrily and roughly, trying to convey everything I was trying to express in my lips and tongue.

My lips traced down his body, giving everything I could.

I am not me anymore. And every moan and every twitch I made as I moved slowly while his inside me, broke me even more.

His eyes were no longer mine. They were even mine before.

I lost him for good!

I stopped and immediately went down to bed and got dressed and walked out of the room.

I had to save something, even the slightest of pride in me.

"F-ck!!"

I ran out of the hotel and hailed a taxi.

I needed to get away but before I could even get in the car, I received a call.

"Ne come home. Grandma Ina left us already!" my mom cried out.

Wow! What an interesting fate!