The CEO's Secret

Chapter Eighteen - Doctor

Today would be the first day I had talked to Shane since our time on the trip. I didn't want to talk to him about the pregnancy. In fact, I didn't really want to talk to him at all. However, he was still my boss, which meant I needed to ask him before taking time off to go to the doctor. My appointment was the following day, and I decided to keep my reason for the visit vague.

I blew out an audible breath before knocking on his office door. He looked up from his desk and warmly motioned for me to come in. I immediately felt nervous. I wanted to blurt out everything right there, but I remembered that I needed to take time to make the right decision.

“Taylor, hi.” Shane said. He met me with a kind smile which was unexpected considering our lack of communication over the last several months. Butterflies acted up in my stomach and I reminded myself that he had hurt me beyond belief, used me for s*x and still had some weird mental claim over me if I was still protecting him.

“Hey, I actually just came to ask if it would be alright if I took off a little early tomorrow. I made an appointment three weeks ago and totally forgot about it until now, it's too late to cancel it at this point without paying a cancellation fee.” I explained. Most of that was the truth. I was roughly thirteen weeks pregnant now, after waiting three weeks to finally get an appointment with the OBGYN. I also couldn't cancel now, even if I had wanted to. However, I hadn't forgotten about the appointment. I thought about it daily but hadn't gotten the guts to ask Shane sooner.

“Yeah, absolutely. Don't worry about it.” Shane said. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just routine stuff. Gotta do it, you know how that is.” I said, letting a nervous laugh escape as I tried to pass off the first check-up I had for our baby as your run of the mill yearly check-up.

The next day, as I said in the small exam room alone, shivering in my gown, I regretted not asking someone to come with me. I had no idea what to expect, I had no experience with pregnancy and babies, and I had put almost no effort into researching it. I was still in denial that this was all real. Not that I didn't believe it, I was just trying to ignore it.

“Hi, Taylor. I'm Dr. Lewis. It's nice to meet you.” The doctor said as she entered the room after a small knock on the door. She shut the door behind her, shook my hand, and sat on her stool in front of me.

“You, too.” I said.

“Okay, so, judging by your last menstrual period, you're about thirteen weeks. I'm going to confirm that by ultrasound today. Usually I see patients, especially first time moms, around six or eight weeks. Is there any reason you waited so long to come in?” She asked.

“Yeah. Honestly, I haven't been sure about my decision to continue the pregnancy this entire time. I've been just going through the motions really and not sure how I feel about it all.” I admitted. I knew it was better to be honest.

“Well, I understand that! You're young, you told the nurse you work full time? You're a busy woman. I think it's perfectly normal to go back and forth a bit with such a big decision. Why don't I start the ultrasound up and take a look at baby, and we can talk about what's going on? I don't want to push you into any decision, but maybe we can take a look at the facts and I can help answer any questions you have that are making it difficult to decide.”

I watched the baby on the screen as I told the doctor about everything. I hooked up with my boss on a business trip because I thought he really liked me and we had good chemistry. He ghosted me after the trip which was a mess in itself. He didn't know about the baby. I lived in a two bedroom apartment with two roommates in the middle of a good career and had no idea where I'd put a baby. I had no idea how to take care of a baby. I had no idea if I should tell Shane. Something in my gut told me abortion wasn't right for me and there wasn't any part of me that felt confident in doing it. She listened intensely while she got pictures and measurements.

“That does sound like a mess. I can't tell you what the right decision is, Miss Taylor. But, if you'd like, I can give you a bit of advice. Would you like a picture of baby to take home?” She asked.

“Yes, please.” I said. She nodded and printed one off of their full profile and body to hand to me. “On both things.”

“Here's what I'm going to tell you. First, never keep dad out of the loop. If he ever finds out, he can take you to court and get a paternity test done to get rights to the baby anyway. Let him make his own choice about it. He made his bed, so if he gets fired for what happened, he gets to lie in it. Second, you can get a new job. You can get a new place. You can get new friends. You can't take back the decision to become a mother, or to terminate your pregnancy. I think you need to stop basing it off of anything other than what YOU want. All of the details will work themselves out, no matter what you decide. Babies are resilient, and they will forgive you if you don't have it all figured out. You have options, and only you know what's best. Make your decision soon, though. You're getting to the point where you won't have options.”

We wrapped up the appointment and I thanked her. I walked down the busy streets of the city, imagining myself in two futures. One pushing a stroller, and one with my womb and my heart as empty as it had ever been.

 “Well, baby, I guess we're figuring life out together. Sorry if it's chaotic, but I'm sure we'll be alright.” I said to the ultrasound picture. It was time to go tell Megan and Ashley we were going to need to make room for a new addition after all.