Let The Sun Shine In

I wonder, my head is full of wonder. Like a ray of sunshine, my wonder leads me on and beams a path. I follow it willingly, becoming lost in the light like a shadow. My thoughts have no order, no strain, they flow freely. Astrayed from any construct, belief is only a wish for me. I believe in nothing and I drown in wonder. Always tripping over my own questions. Its nourishing but oh so dangerous. Like l*****g water from a knife, an inch from a cutt. From a cutt that bleeds into my mind and posions it. Damages it’s fragile walls, leaving a c***k that bleeds with mud. I praise the sunlight and its nourishing rays. I follow the warmth, I chase it through the clouds. Though I fly high above, where the rays could burn and the fall is deathly. I cannot look away for the darkness is right behind, I am drugged by torturous memories and driven by fear. Like a mindless zombie chasing, I follow the sun. For the dark bites at my heels and calls my name. I wonder why the light promises such love, yet I must chase it. I wonder why the sun welcomes me with such open arms, yet runs from my eyes. Leaving me in the darkening gray and blinding my vision with black dots. I become lost in flight, a lawless motion. When the sun blinds me and the dark claws at my heels, I fly without thought. The dark closes in and the sun has left me blind, dotts consume my vision. I am lost, the strings of my structure snapping apart. Again I wonder, why the light leaves me in the gray? This muddy gloom leaves me helpless, drugged on hope and fear. Mindless, I must be called. There’s now a c***k in my mind and it bleeds with ambiguity. I no longer question, I doubt. Oh! To cling to a belief and hide in it’s shelter. It looks so easy but it’s impossible for me. I weep! Save me from this disarray and let be breath in the suns rays. I miss it’s warmth for this gray gloom is cold. I hear the dark, it taunts me and calls my name. I’m alone and scared, a shadow lost in the dark. The dark, it sings in melody with my worst memories. Oh memories, my once home. I find myself slowing down, listening to the gloom. I don’t mean to, I don’t want to but it feels like home and I am lost. The gloom swirls, morphing into clouds and like a blindfold they cover the sun. I am flying blindly, heading into a storm. The light now snapps and echoes deeply. It draws a line in my vision and booms into my ears, leaving me deaf. Deaf by the growls I refuse to acknowledge. I cover my ears, desperate to muffle the storm’s growl. I can feel the grumple deep in my chest, it shakes my bones and rattles my brain. My flight trembles, struggling against the wind. I am fighting! I am breathless! I chase the fading light, the star in my eyes. But this wind, it pushes me side to side. Playing with me like a kite in the wind! The grumble, the growl of this storm deafens my ears and shakes my bones. Bam! Lighting snapps and the golden star is gone. Hope is lost and so am I. This cold gloom wrapps around me, I am drowning. It chokes out my cries and stirrs my thoughts. My mind is gooe and my structure is no more. Twisted beyond its once definition. My name is lost to the wind. I have no reflection, I have no melody. This traveling motion of mine is dying, the gray is darkening. Blackness takes over and confines my vision. My motion is lost to my mind, the wind washes over me. Am I falling or am I flying? The roar of thunder echoes with my doubts, taunting my disbelief. Oh world, why are you so gray. Drown me on sight and play with mind like clay. Why such sorrowful music, this melody haunts my mind and muffles my words. This blackness that confines me growls and grumbles with cold truth. I cry! I weep! I fly higher and higher, confused by the wind and it’s tremulous manner. Oh wind, how you guide me before, but now leave so betrayed. The higher my wings carrie me, the stronger you twist! You blow mercilessly, so unsparing that I question your name. Your presences in my life, it mocks me now. You no longer carry me high above. Now you swallow me like the dark and pull me apart! Tossing me in the air like a ragg doll, useless and damaged. This swirling darkness and it’s winds of no direction, begin to burn. A sting that seepes into my skin, soaking through my bones and into my core. Deeply it seepes, touching my soul and burning it. Oh the burn, it illustrates what I cannot read and what I bare to face. This burn is like memory, a haunting grief I fight to not remember. Oh to understand! How I chase the sanctuary of acknowledgment and awareness, for I feel so blind. My vision is lost to the dark and scarred by doubt. I cannot see the light, hope it drains from me. The wind responds and draggs me off, high in the air. Somewhere lost in the dark, the lighting dances and the thunder roars. I cry, “Can someone hear these tears!” But only the growl of thunder replies, and it shakes my core. The very core that has left my mind and caved into an infinite void of confusion. It is only when my voice dries out and I cannot cry no more, that I realize I am falling. The wind, it does not tear me apart but instead it leaves me. It leaves my body and flows out, high above. Oh! The darkness ripples and shakes. Making room for my despair! Oh why? I wish to cry and scream, but my voice is broken. I fall, with my wings useless against the wind. Their once dynamic sketch shriveled into scraps, fading away into feathers. I cannot cry but yet this pain boils inside of me. My tears shreik and wail, bashing against my walls. The walls who’m I did not know, did not know their existence. Oh I see, now. I am falling into myself, my wonder has left me astrayed! I am so much more, I have only been walking among the surface. So many worlds I have explored, yet never my own. This isn’t death, my mind sings and the thunder calls. Oh thunder! I understand your growl. This isn’t death, this is life. I rest in my falling stance. The rushing wind becomes like water, pouring from my body. I’m scared, I’m petrified, yet I dive. I must push through this storm. I must stay strong and seek hope. Bend my back and breath in the pain. Continue my battle and inspire the struggle. The thunder, it soothes me now, calls my name in soft growls. Its ok. Its ok. Its ok. My tears escape, flowing freely and I am gifted with a new view. Nothing is falling, everything is floating. Yes I am falling but my tears, they rise. Something bubbles to life inside me, inside my human structure. Something I have not discovered. I close my eyes and relax, body benumed by the wind. I stop thinking, no thoughts reflect against me but instead I reflect against them. Deeply I dive, following an unnamed brilliance. It calls my name, an old rusted name. One that I have forgotten. And like a beat, a beautiful melody my heart begins to sing. It bursts to life, beating incredibly. Like a cloud, my mind becomes. I mend them together, soft and fluffy. Yes, I am creating. I hold onto this new brilliance. This new veiw of life. That this stormy weather is not my life, but a gateway to my light. Into the void I fall, mind and body as one. Oh the thunder, it calls to me and I do not cry. I embrace it, I listen to its call and find viability! This lighting, I can feel it behind my closed eyes. Echoing deeply inside me. I am a storm, I am the storm. Bam! My mind shatters and I am one. My structure glows and fills with energy. It vibrates so powerfully, a chant from my soul. I glow, I burn, I vibrate into one. Body and mind. Soul and heart. Like a mirror, the universe reflects and is set aglow. My wonder has mended me path, a cave into myself. I am not mindless, I am free. Grounded by a new, impossible believe. Me. I no longer chase the sun, I listen to me. Lesson learned. The end…