Jigsaw Pieces

Matt - Wednesday

‘Is she teaching, I thought she was free now?’ Jane was stalling me again. This was the third time I’d come looking for Amelia and despite me checking her timetable, which clearly showed she was free; Jane was telling me something different. She was avoiding me, I knew it. We had a great night on Sunday, and it felt like we were finally getting somewhere and now, nothing. I felt like I’d turned into her stalker, calling and messaging her and searching for her around school.

‘Sorry Matt, she had to use this time to complete her review. You know what she gets like, she likes to get her head down to focus and get it completed’ Jane finally told me, making a fine attempt to get rid of me. I’ll let her know you passed by again.’ I knew that wasn’t the whole truth but had no choice but to accept it. I nodded and made my way back to my classroom to get ready for my next lesson.

Last week was magical. Amelia looked so relaxed and happy; her eyes were glistening. She has always been so full of life and such a positive person to be around; she even makes me think of the positive side of life.

‘Every cloud has a silver lining Matt, stop being so negative.’ She’d always say to me during our training sessions when I felt glum about the work I hadn’t done. She looked amazing in Sunday. Black leggings and with a salmon coloured jumper that revealed one shoulder. Small silver hoops, straight hair and minimal make up with glistening lips I wanted to taste. She seemed uncomfortable to begin with, slightly jumpy which always made my heart ache but then she eased as we embraced the evening. I’d learnt very early on to stop my jokes about her being jumpy, she avoided making any eye contact with me and would smile. Two messages that clearly contradicted each other. I’ve always known something wasn’t right but never found the right moment to press her for more information. She was always so full of life and laughter and then one day she was so withdrawn I couldn’t recognize who she was. That was when that need to protect her started to grow, along with the flirtation. I couldn’t deny the chemistry between us. I found her attractive from the moment I first saw her.

‘Today, we have 4 student teachers with us for their long placement of 11 weeks, please welcome them. Jo who is a French trainee, Matt who is a Maths trainee, Will, Geography trainee and Amelia who is with the Social Sciences department to teach Psychology.’ The Head announced the four of us in the school briefing and had asked us each to stand up when our names were called out so that the rest of the staff could see who we were.

We were all sat with our respective departments so we looked from one end of the hall to the other to put a name to a face. I got enough time to look at Amelia as for some unknown reason, the Headteacher unintentionally gave her a longer introduction than others. She stood up with a smile that reached her eyes, her eyes lit up with excitement, her tanned skin was glowing and her was tied back in a low ponytail revealing curls that travelled down her back. She was wearing a plain turquoise T shirt with dark blue skinny jeans that showed off her slim figure. She raised her hand to everyone and then sat down. I knew I was looking forward to our meeting with our professional tutor later that day.

I pulled my phone to text her.

Please message me when you read this.

Wait, I sounded even more desperate than the last message I’d sent her. Undo typing. The bell rang and I pushed all thoughts of Amelia to a side as my GCSE group walked into the class. Time to teach.

#

 I opened the oven to check the pizza that was cooking nicely. I wasn’t in the mood to cook something from scratch today. It had been one of those days where I was happy to be on autopilot and wanted to forget how long the day had been. I checked my phone again. Nothing. Ping! The pizza was ready. My phone rang as soon as I lifted a perfectly cut slice onto my plate. Damn it. The place was hot, and my fingers were burning. I reached for my phone and answered without looking at the caller ID, still feeling hopeful.

‘Hello? Matthew? How are you? Are you there?’ It was my mother. I sighed.

‘Hello Mum.’ I tried to sound upbeat.

‘I’m here.’ My mother called me on a weekly basis but changed what day she would call. As soon as I got used to taking a call on a Monday night, she would change her mind and call me on a Sunday, until she changed her mind again and called me today. Four days since that evening together and now without hearing from Amelia. I shook my head and paid attention to my mother’s voice on the phone.

‘I wondered if you’d thought about the next two weeks. We wanted everyone to gather for the anniversary and have dinner together. Nothing big. Just the usual, small and casual.’ I’d forgotten.  I opened my calendar on my iPad to check and yes, as suspected it was there, Saturday 19th of December, dinner with the Jones’.

‘Yes Mum, I’ve not forgotten. And yes, I’ll also stay for Christmas.’ I knew she was going to ask; I could hear her relief and happiness in her smile. She deserved to be happy after everything she had been through. She’d had a tough time these past two years and she needed us all to be strong for her. It is never easy losing anyone, let alone a parent. But to lose both parents after one another, especially so close to Christmas, I have no idea how she dealt with it. It was always a tough time of the year for her since Grandpa had been ill and she’d spent all her free time helping Grandma care for him. Just thinking about it made me shudder.

We talked at length about work, gardening and life in general as I ate my pizza, thank goodness for loudspeaker. I realized I had genuinely missed talking to her. She wanted to FaceTime me, but I’d told her I’d not cut my hair, that always did the trick. I wasn’t looking my best and didn’t want her to worry about me. She had this ‘sixth Mother-sense’ about her that she could take one look at me and know something was upsetting me or stressing me out. I didn’t want to get into that toady not when I needed to be there for her.

‘How was your date with Amelia?’ I paused remembering I had mentioned our first date.

‘It was great.’ I didn’t want to talk about she seemed to be avoiding me since then.

‘Good, I’m pleased. Please bring her with you. I’d love to meet her.’ She paused as I held my breath. ‘Matt havee you heard from Sophie?’ She had to go there.

‘No Mum, but I’m guessing I’ll see her in two weeks.’ Trying my best to sound positive and dodge what was about to come.

‘I really wish you two would sort out whatever it is that you need to sort out. Talk to her, please? For me?’ She was pleading.

‘I’ll try before we meet Mum,’ Thinking about avoiding her at all costs. ‘I’ve got a lot on this half term so will try and call her when I can.’ I could hear her about to protest. ‘I promise Mum, yeah?’ I gave in too easily and then came the long sigh.

‘OK, let me know how it goes when you do please.’

‘Of course, I will.’ That was her way of making sure that I called her, and somehow, I feared that I wasn’t going to get away with not calling her before we met. Not something to look forward to but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could put it off. I could hear the desperation in Mum’s voice, and I didn’t like that she felt the need to plead with me. I felt guilty for making her feel this way. I sighed knowing I was defeated. Always me, the one who must make amends.

‘I love you Mum, talk soon.’ I looked around the room and worked my way through my mental list of things to prepare for tomorrow.

I looked at myself as I brushed my teeth. My hair did need a cut. I decided to do that over the weekend, but Amelia did like it this long. When did I start doing things to please women?  I checked my phone again, nothing from Amelia. I tried to call her again, hoping she would answer but changed my mind considering my toothbrush was in my mouth. No answer. I had no choice but to concede. I didn’t want to push her away by coming across too needy, but I couldn’t let her go. Therein lies my dilemma. I’ve never had a problem attracting women or keeping them for that matter. It was getting rid of them that seemed more of a problem for me. I pushed my hair back. There was something about Amelia that made me think about her and only her.

I checked the text on my phone as I’m in about to dream about Amelia. Please call Sophie. Love you. Mum X.

I didn’t want to think about the half-naked stranger that came out of Sophie’s room in the middle of the night. I didn’t want to think about how guilty I felt when I faced her husband Dylan the next day who came home two days earlier only so that he could surprise her. I didn’t want to think how much he loved her and how it would break him to know what his wife had done while he was away. I didn’t want to think about how this wasn’t the first time she had done this. I’m sure I was dreaming of that night until thankfully my alarm brought me back to reality the next morning