NOT EVERYONE DESRVES TO BE HAPPY

As far as I know, I've been unlucky since birth. No one knows anything about my birth parents, just that I was abandoned by a ditch. I was found three days later, sickly and dying. I should not have survived, but I did. This was the second unlucky thing to happen to me. I should have died then, if I had, none of this would have happened. My name is Amethyst, an unusual name, but a good one. And meaningful too. My adopted parents had lost their child in a terrible incident and my mom was left unable to ever get pregnant. I was named for the meaning of my name; to alleviate sadness and grief, and to dissolve negativity. How ironic, as my life was to embody all that which my name was meant to dispel. My parents were the best kind of people. They managed to see past the terrible thing that had happened to them and found everything in life beautiful. They always managed to see the cup as half-full, never half empty. But I was never like them. I never was, and I always knew it. I still always tried to be like them though. I took pride in making them proud of me. They were a gift to me, not the other was around as they seemed to believe. I was always scared of disappointing them; maybe that's why I always did. What you fear always finds a way of coming to you. You attract what you fear the most. There was nothing to exist that I feared more than failure... Yet I was somehow most familiar with it. Looking back, I wish everyone had just saved their efforts, expended it on things that would have actually reaped benefits. All I've done in my entire life is waste everyone's time and let everyone down, even myself. I wish i had died long before everything happened.