She Who Chases Love Away

XV

“Why don’t you want to have an operation, Mom? You know, I’ve been doing what you want even though I don’t want to, because I don’t want to aggrieve you. But enough with your childishness!”

Aunt shouted from Grandma’s room. Mom and I rushed to them. Grandma’s tugging her heart.

“Childish? Why do you think I want you to find love? So, like your sister, someone will be there for you when I die.”

“And that’s why I let you, hoping you’d finally say yes to the operation. And what do you mean died? Are you giving up on your life?”

“Operation? What do you mean, Alicia? Why does Mom need an operation? Mom, why are you tugging your heart?”

Mom intervened. She’s trying so hard to stop her tears.

“Mom has hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, Amara.”

“Mom? Is it true?”

Grandma can’t even look Mom in the eyes.

“It’s true. Her doctor is my friend. She violated her code of ethics by telling me because Mom is so stubborn. She won’t have an operation. And that is the reason that I came home. I have done what she wanted for the past months, so I could take it as leverage to force her to have an operation, but she still wouldn’t budge. You know those frequent times that she goes out? She’s been going to the hospital. She’s keeping it from us.”

So that’s the reason she won’t firmly say no to Grandma.

“Mom, why?”

Mom is already crying.

“I’m afraid that my condition will only worsen. What would happen to your sister, Amara?”

“I can take care of myself, Mom. Please, Mom?”

“I have already told you, I would only say yes to the operation if you’re already engaged. To tell you the truth, your friend didn’t break her code of ethics. I was the one who told her to tell you. It’s the only reason I know to make you come home. It’s been years since your father died, Alicia. But you’re still stuck on that day. You were still in the hospital morgue when we went and confirmed that he was really dead.”

Grandma’s crying now. Aunt looked up. I know she doesn't want to cry because if she would, she'd let everything out.

“I’m okay, Mom. And I won’t accept a no from you. It’s either you booked that operation or you won’t see me again. I’ll leave, and I won’t come back until you’re in good health again. I’m dead serious, Mom. I don’t want to be the reason why my remaining parents died. I don’t want to kill my Mom either.”

“What do you mean, Alicia?”

Mom asked her. She’s forcing her sister to meet her eyes. Aunt Alicia just smiled sadly.

“I’m tired as well, Amara. I’ve been fighting alone these past years. I also want to move on, but if Mom's going to be like this? I really won’t be able to leave that day behind. I would forever be stuck at that moment and keep seeing Dad’s pale face lying in the morgue.”

She pushed Mom and walked away. She stopped in front of me and hugged me.

“I’m sorry that I dumped everything on you. You don’t deserve those heavy chains. I want you to let go and let me carry it alone, okay? Aunt Alicia loves you Tobias. I want you to just remember that about me. Don’t remember this coward who’s running away again.”

She let go and left. That’s the last time that I saw Aunt again.