Killing Heather

Chapter 17

“October 18th, 2023

The thought that I have to continue living after what has happened is physically sickening. Every single morning I wake up with the deepest anger inside of me that I have to live this f*****g hell another miserable day. I’m numb to it all at this point I suppose.

It’s nothing like the first time. I still feel that grip. I shake awake at night reminded of the darkness creeping in while he stood over me menacingly. I really thought I was dead. I was for sure that he was going to kill me. The feeling of my crushed throat still disturbs me, and the sounds of gurgling and popping that escaped me made assured me that it was the end… I doubt I’ll ever forget how scared I was; how alone I felt. I know I’m f****d up, but do I really deserve this…?

I wish I wouldn’t have woke up.

It was cold. I was naked. I didn’t know what happened at first but I could feel it. I could feel him. It hurt in a fowl, disgusting and shameful kind of way and it still f*****g hurts. My body was raw, sore and tender. I don’t want to be touched even by my own skin. I didn’t really move for an hour after I woke up. I just cried. I f*****g hate everything. It’s all just so much bullshit. I don’t even have the mental capacity to try to f*****g work right now, let alone being physically able to. I’ve got f*****g bills and a life and dreams and friends and f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k.

I’—ust— in—o——-yse—- ne of these days I swear to f*****g god.

*the page had been torn from aggressive writing*

Now what? Now what?!

I had f*****g cops in my house for days, I had my parents and everyfuckingbody all up in my s**t. Everyone definitely knows everything about my life if they didn’t already. So f*****g EMBARRASSING , and it’s some f*****g creep who can obviously come and go as he pleases.. It’s not possible to move or else I’d already be gone. I just got this house. I’m so far in the hole with the bank. I just got here and now this. If I leave I will never recover financially.

I haven’t eaten right in days. I can’t sleep. At this point I really wish I did have a bodyguard.

Or someone.

Or something.

Okay… what is actually going on. It’s 1am and someone is standing at my door. The f**k could it be now…

H—-r”

*a signature is scribbled quickly at the very bottom of the page*