Mysterious Mr. Park

“Don’t you love me anymore?” These five words were enough to shatter my heart. How did I end up like this? How did I get this low? Where was my pride? I felt pathetic asking the man in front of me. He felt like a stranger to me now; his eyes felt distant and cruel and I'd never felt so smaller than I did at that moment. “I’m sorry, I just don’t feel the same way anymore,” he replied. How can someone wake up one day and decide that they don’t love you anymore? How can someone’s feelings change overnight? This can’t be it. It just can’t... Right? “Eight years… I don’t understand. Please help me understand. We were totally fine yesterday and last night and you dropped this bombshell of a breakup on me today. What happened? Did I say something to upset you? Did I do something wrong? Is there someone else?” “No, it’s not any of that –” “Then what?! You’re breaking up with me over nothing?” “I’m sorry, this is just how I feel. This wasn’t just an overnight thing. I have been feeling like I needed to be alone for a while, some space, and maybe deep inside you feel it too.” “Don’t bring me into this. I thought we were doing great. We had so many plans for the future… Are we just going to let that all go to waste?” “I’m sorry, Lily. I really am and I know that I’m being a jerk right now by breaking your heart, but I can’t help how I feel. I hope you find someone you deserve and someone who will take care of you. I’m sorry, that just isn’t me anymore. I did love you, so much. More than anything. But my feelings have changed. I’m sorry.” And just like that, we were over. I felt my whole world crumble before my very eyes. I couldn’t even cry. I was just…shocked, and was maybe in denial. This can’t be it. Right? How can this be it? That night, I walked home alone with my thoughts and the cool breeze of Fall. What was supposed to be our 9th-year anniversary dinner turned out to be one of the worst nights of my life. We spent 8 whole years together and we were supposed to reach our 9th mark today. So many questions are running through my head. Was I not enough? What about all of our plans? How on earth am I supposed to function? I spent all of my twenties with this man, who I thought was the love of my life, and just like that, *poof* he was no longer in my life. All of my plans included him. My future had him in it. How can I move past this? How do you even grieve someone who isn't even dead but has killed you inside? I walked aimlessly but found myself walking through a park. The park where he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wanted so badly to cry at that moment, but I just couldn't. All I felt was confusion and anger. Confused about why everything ended the way it did. Angry because he just had to choose to break it off with me on a very important day. I heaved a huge sigh and started gathering up the pieces of my heart and decided to finally go home. I reached the door of my apartment and couldn't help but stare at it. How many times have we spent outside this door just talking and laughing and kissing, and even fighting, before we got in? I looked at the cracked lines of my army green door and in each of them, I saw pieces of him... of us. I mustered up the courage to finally open the door and braced myself for all the emotions that I was going to have to face when I went inside with a life without him. And just like clockwork, when I closed the door behind me, I fell down to my knees and cried my eyes out. My heart felt like it was going to burst from the pain. I couldn't stop asking myself what went wrong and what I did that was so bad for him to leave. Everything in this apartment reminded me of him. The coffee table that he actually made me for my birthday, the very first couch I bought with my own money that he helped me bring in my apartment, the lamps we picked out together, the bed... How am I ever going to be able to sleep on that bed again knowing that things will never be the same? I need to move out. Somehow, some way, I have to move out. If I am ever going to be able to get out of this and survive this, I need to move as far away as I can. Somewhere where there are no memories of him. Somewhere where I know my heart wouldn't yearn for him. Somewhere I know I wouldn't ache for him.