It Doesn't Matter

"You can't do this," SHE said to me. "Yes, I can," I said back. "I want to.: "You're abandoning our meeting to work on our group project to perform in an event?!" "I have already done my part. And I have also given you very clear instructions what to do on w******p. Just go to my Google Docs account, download my file and do the rest with the others." "I can't believe it. You're our group leader. You're supposed to stick with us through it all." I sighed. "Listen, I've been dealing with your calls, text messages, w******p messages and emails 24/7 up until this point already. I hardly got a good night's sleep with my phone buzzing all the time whenever I want to nod off! I deserve at least ONE day of rest!" I had to choose my words carefully. This b***h in my group is NOT someone you want to argue with. "Oh, I'm sorry." SHE put her hands on her hips. "Apparently not being available to answer any questions any group members is the nature of our group leader. What a wiiiiiiiiiise choice we made for this position." "I AM available to you guys," I tried to defend myself, "but not during unreasonable times!" "You do know with the mass amount of homework and assignments we get from our classes that we can have up till to midnight to do our work, don't you? YOU, you're writing stories all the time, so you've probably got a lot of free time. Why are you hardly available to talk to us when we need you?" FOR REAL?! "Hey. Just because I spend a lot of time writing stories it doesn't mean I've got too much free time. My course has work too, you know! And if YOU care about our group work so much, why can't you work on it during earlier hours of the day and not bother me when I'm trying to go to sleep?" "You're just trying to come up with excuses for being too lazy to answer us!" she accused me. "If you don't want to be our leader in the first place just say so?" I DID say so, I thought, but who were the FOOLS who picked me for this HELLHOUND-BOUND of a job anyway in the very beginning? "How are you going to face the REAL WORLD with that kind of attitude?" SHE asked me. "I dunno. I'll get back to you when I figure it out." She glared at me. I glared back at her. There should seriously be a contract or something, to chosen group leaders of ALL schoolwork. The "Chosen One" must be willing to sacrifice beauty sleep, your passion, your pride and dignity to assume the responsibilities, as well as risk getting your ego damaged as you tolerate abuse and get traumatised by some short-tempered, bossy (yes, you read that right!) groupmates, be it online (ESPECIALLY online) or face-to-face. There should be a clear warning, too, in that contract that the possibility of suffering from PTSD is relatively high! I sighed again. I don't want to argue with this dog anymore. If SHE has any problems with me, SHE can report me to our lecturer if she wants. But for now, I am NOT going to give up chance, perhaps the ONLY chance I will ever have in this lifetime, to perform my favourite Rock song during the "A Heartbeat"s Journey" event, held in celebration of Children's Day. A few days later...... "Testing, testing, one, two, three…… Ahem. Okay. Good morning everyone from SEGi University and Wawasan Chow Kit Kuala Lumpur! Today as we know, is officially Children's Day and we have all worked every hard to prepare for this event. Let's give everyone involved a BIG round of applause!" The audience applauded, including all the children from the foundation backstage, waiting for their turn to perform in different groups. "A very special thanks," the emcee continued, "to Dr. Melati Wan for being in charge of her students in charge of organising and preparing the children from Wawasan Chow Kit Kuala Lumpur to come and perform specially for us today! So without further ado, we welcome the first act and the first group of children to perform for us. Presenting, a dance by Sally, Darrell, Gwendoline and Alicia!" The audience applauded again. A group of girls, all dressed in dance-able outfits, came up on stage. The DJ turned the music on, and the audience cheered and hooted loudly when they realised the song the girls were going to dance to was Despacito (UGH!). Backstage, I walked over to Dr. Melati who was checking things off a list on a clipboard. "When will the videos come on, Doctor?" "After all the children have performed. Then we will be showing the videos shot by our Mass Comm students and then it will be YOUR turn to perform." The four girls onstage did a fairly impressive dance, pulling off some street/breakdance moves on their hands and knees every once in a while. The audience went wild every time those things happened. After the dreadful song ended, the girls bowed and left the stage. A group of two boys and one girl, all in their costumes, went up next and acted out a children’s fable on stage. "That one's a good actor," I observed, pointing at the boy dressed as a hungry little puppy. "He must have some experience with doing shows." "Yeah," a classmate agreed. "He's good. I hear he even has his own Youtube channel!" The children finished their sketch to tremendous applause and (more) hooting. Then they took turns telling jokes and riddles to each other and entertained the audience greatly. "I like the Superman joke," my classmate said, giggling. "Now I know what else the 'S' on his chest stands for." The next act was a group of girls dressed in uniform holding a piece of paper in their hands. They recited some poems and each read out an essay they had written about themselves. One girl wanted to become a doctor when she grew up. Another a teacher. Another one a pop star. And the last one…… "My dream is to own a BMW car." And the crowd went wild. "That’s a good dream to have," I whispered. The next act was a duo of singers. Their voices were clear over the microphone, but very child-like, I noted. Well, you can't expect too much from performers who are still children, I guess. The last act was a fashion show. It went on without needing any talking, joking, singing or acting from the "models". The more enthusiastic members of the audience whistled and cheered at the outfits, which are very traditionally (and truly) Malaysian. And at last, the videos came on. The Mass Comm students in this university sure have been busy scouting for locations, gathering their actors/subjects and shooting the scenes. The first clip was a promo video for a non-profit organisation that gives accommodation and care to homeless youth. The second features my best friend Ash as some sort of rap star, rapping out some verses he wrote on his own to tell the story of a girl (whose face was not shown even once) who survived bullying in high school. If they needed to film a person who has been emotionally harassed and called hurtful names for simply following her heart, they can sign me up. And FINALLY, it was MY turn to perform. This is it, I thought. The chance in a lifetime to showcase the inner Rock star in me; the part of me that has been DYING to come out since I discovered KISS via a Scooby-Doo cartoon movie! I'll get to that part later, but now it's time to ROCK! I stepped onto the stage in my black platform boots. The crowd cheered me on as I adjusted my black leather jacket. I walked to the center of the stage and stood in front of the mic. I looked out into the crowd. There, waaaaaay at the back of the small auditorium, stood my best friend Ash, giving me Rock-N-Roll signs with both of his hands. I smiled at him. He smiled back. I nodded at the DJ, who pushed a few buttons and began playing my song. The intro of the song was Hard, Rock N' Roll, and thumping with power. I counted the seconds and began with a screeching "Oooooooooh yeah!" "Well, I don't show off, don't criticise. I'm just living by my o-own feelings. And I won't give in, won't compromise! I just only have a steadfast heart of gold! I don't know why, but I can't leave though it might be tough. But I ain't outta control, just livin' by my words. Don't ask me why, I don't need a reason! I've got my way, my own wa-ee-ayyyy!" I did a brief Country-Square-Dancing-like shuffle on the ground. "It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fi-hight! There is no way I will run away from all of my frights. Long as the voice inside me says go I will always keep on runnin'. There is no way to stop me from going to the ve-e-ry top. It doesn't matter who is wrong or who is right." Some seniors started whistling. I bent my back backwards and let out an "OOOOOOOOH!" followed by a "Yeah!" "Well I won't look back I don't need to. Time won't wa-ait and I've got so-o much to do! When do I stop it's all a blur and so unclear? Well I don't know but I can't be wrong!" Another shuffle. "This fight is not for anybody this is purely for myself! There is no one way I'm gonna give up till the ve-e-ry end. I can't tell what is wrong and what is right I've got to find the answer! But until I do there's no way I will ever give up. Place all your bets on the one you think is RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!" I began headbanging in rhythm with the pounding drums. The crowd jumped and clapped along to the song. I had planned to pull off some breakdance moves during this part of the song but I decided to leave it to the children to do instead. I began jumping and tossing my head about, feeling my short, punk-ish cut hair flip left and right, up and down. The guitar shredded again and I screamed into the microphone before belting out the chorus one last time. "It doesn't matter now what happens I will never give up the fi-hight! There is no way I will run away from all of my frights. Long as the voice inside me says go I will always keep on runnin'. There is no way to stop me from going to the ve-e-ry top. It doesn't matter who is wrong or who is right." A few of my signature coarse and harsh "Ooooooh"s and "Yeah"s (I practiced all week to pull them off!), and I ended the song with a raw but strong "Woah-ooooooooooh". The crowd went wild. I mean wild. Like, really, really WILD. I never felt so amazing in my life before that moment. I beamed. I looked into the audience to see Ash doing a little happy victory dance for me. He flashed those Rock signs to me again, and I flashed him back. I glanced backstage. Dr. Melati and my classmates were grinning ear-to-ear at me, applauding profusely. I looked at the children and — Oh no. The children. I wondered in the back of my mind if my over-the-top Rock N' Roll performance and banshee-like screeching voice had frightened them somehow. They were clapping for me, but none of them were smiling. I smiled at them and, surprisingly, some of them smiled back. But not all of them. But I felt so good. Too good to care. I felt on top of the world. So high up that I couldn't care less what every other small person in the world thinks. But everything that goes up must come down. A few hours later, after the event was over, I was calmly texting my peers on w******p about my performance in my hostel room. "Great job! You really are a Rock Star!" "Wow. You really wowed us out there today. I never knew there was that side of you!" I blushed. “"Haha. Thanks. I've always had it." I had to respond to that one. "Nice job, Lynn. See you performing with KISS someday." "Haha, I look forward to that too," I typed back. "Only KISS is a pretty old band and I don't know if they'll still be alive anymore by the time I'm ready." All was good and happy and fine and dandy. It turned out to be a swell day. I put my phone down and prepared to call it a night. But just as I picked up my toothbrush, my phone buzzed. I got another message on w******p. It was from HER. "I saw your performance in the hall today. We finished our work early without you so we went to check you out." "Oh really?" I typed. "Did you enjoy my performance?" "You made a LOT of mistakes in your part of the project," SHE responded. "And I mean a SHITLOAD of mistakes. Where's the page number? Why did you put your name for General Leader? Why is the Analysis part so short? What are you? Kindergarten kid?" I stared at the message, phone in my hand. I waited for HER next insult. "Congratulations. *clapping emoji* *clapping emoji* *clapping emoji* You are the worse leader in the whole world!!!!!" I put down my toothbrush and took a deep breath. "Good. Because I don't give a flying f**k to what you think anyway." And with that, I tapped my screen a few times and hit the "Report" button. THE END.