The man i loved in silence

"Mom, Dad has a girlfriend." Jasmine stopped stirring. The wooden spoon hung in the pot. Steam rolled off the boiling water. She could hear it now that she wasn't moving—the soft bubbling sound of pasta cooking. Everything was normal. Everything was fine. Except it wasn't. "What?" she said. Maya sat on the kitchen stool, still in her school uniform, swinging her legs. She was matter-of-fact about it. Like she was telling her mom what she had for lunch. "Dad has a girlfriend. Sarah saw them at his office building yesterday. They were holding hands." Jasmine set the spoon down. Her hands felt weird. Disconnected from the rest of her body. "Sarah sees a lot of things," Jasmine said. "That doesn't mean—" "I saw her too, Mom." Jasmine looked at her daughter. "When dad picked me up from school today, she was in the car. She had blonde hair. She waved at me but didn't say anything because she was on the phone. But I could tell she was dad's girlfriend." "How could you possibly tell that?" "Because of how dad looked at her," Maya said. She was picking at a loose thread on her uniform. "He was looking at her like... like he really cared about what she was saying. Like he wanted to listen to her." Jasmine turned back to the pasta. It was starting to stick. She stirred it harder than she needed to. Seven years. She'd been waiting seven years. "Your dad is allowed to date," Jasmine said. She sounded normal. That was good. "That's a normal thing for adults to do." "But what about you?" "What about me?" "Aren't you dad's girlfriend?" Maya asked. She said it like it was obvious. Jasmine laughed. It came out wrong. Too high. Too brittle. "No, baby. Your dad and I aren't together like that. We're co-parents. We had you, and we decided to raise you together, but we're not a couple." "Why not?" Maya asked. "Because sometimes people aren't meant to be together romantically. Sometimes they're better as just... friends who care about each other." Jasmine didn't look at her daughter while she said it. She kept her eyes on the pasta. Keep moving. Keep busy. Don't think about the fact that you've spent seven years waiting for a man who apparently never planned to wait for you. They ate dinner without much talking. Maya described her day at school. Art class was the best. Math was boring. A kid named Tommy pushed her on the playground and got sent to the principal's office. Normal stuff. The kind of thing Maya would usually find funny. Jasmine listened and made the right sounds at the right times. But her mind was somewhere else. She was thinking about Kai. About his dark eyes and the way he'd looked at their daughter when she was first born. About how he'd shown up. About how he'd never missed a single pickup or school event or parent-teacher conference. About how she'd built her entire life around the possibility that one day he'd realize what they could be. But he'd realized something else instead. He'd realized there was someone else out there he wanted more than he wanted her. By six o'clock, Maya had her overnight bag packed. She'd changed into comfortable clothes. Everything was ready. Everything was timed perfectly because this was their routine. Same time every Friday. Same pickup. Same schedule. At six forty-five, the buzzer rang. Jasmine's body tensed. She pressed the button to let him in without asking who it was. She always knew. "He's here," she called to Maya, who checked her bag one more time and grabbed her jacket. Jasmine went to the door. She stood there for a second before opening it. Just breathing. Just trying to get her face right. Kai stood in the hallway in his work suit. He looked tired. He always looked tired on Fridays. He'd had a long week. "Hey," he said. He gave her the professional smile. The one that kept everything at a distance. "How was she?" "Good." That was the whole conversation usually. How was she? Good. Here's your daughter. See you Sunday. But this time Kai didn't move toward Maya's room. This time he stood there awkwardly, like he had something to say. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something," he said. Jasmine felt her stomach tighten. "Okay," she said. "I'm seeing someone. Her name is Victoria. She's a lawyer." Kai pushed his hand through his hair. A nervous gesture. "I think it might be getting serious, and I wanted you to hear it from me." The words were simple. Direct. But they landed like a punch. Jasmine just nodded. She couldn't trust her voice to say anything else. "I want to introduce her to you and Maya," Kai continued. "I don't want Maya confused about who she is. I want to be straightforward about it." "Okay," Jasmine managed. "I really appreciate your understanding about this," Kai said. He seemed relieved. Like he'd been worried she would make it difficult. "It means a lot." Jasmine didn't say anything. There was an awkward silence between them. The kind that didn't usually happen. They were good at this part—the co-parenting part. The being cordial part. The keeping things at a distance part. "So, um," Kai said. He glanced toward the door. "She's actually downstairs." "What?" "Victoria. She's downstairs in her car. She wanted to come up. I know it's kind of last minute, but she thinks it would be better to introduce herself in person." Jasmine's mouth went dry. "You brought her here?" "She's not coming up if you're not comfortable with it," Kai said quickly. "But she's—well, she's kind of important to me, and I wanted her to meet you." Jasmine knew she should say no. She should tell him that this was too much. That she needed more time. That springing his new girlfriend on her wasn't fair. But she was tired of saying things like that. She was tired of being the reasonable one. The understanding one. The one who didn't make waves. "Fine," she said. "Send her up." Kai's face changed. Relief. Gratitude. Like she'd just given him permission to be happy. He texted someone. Seconds later, there was the sound of the stairwell door opening downstairs. Footsteps. Getting closer. Maya came out of her room with her bag. "Dad?" "One second, sweetie," Kai said. He was watching the hallway. The footsteps were getting louder. Someone was coming up the stairs. Jasmine could hear them clearly now. Each step. Getting closer. The knock came. Soft. Polite. Kai opened the door before Jasmine could say anything. The woman standing in the hallway was exactly as Maya had described. Blonde. Tall. Wearing a coat that probably cost more than Jasmine made in a month. She was beautiful in that effortless way that some women were. The kind that didn't require trying. "Hi," the woman said. She was smiling. She was looking at Jasmine like she was genuinely happy to meet her. "I'm Victoria. You must be Jasmine." She extended her hand. Jasmine shook it. Victoria's grip was firm. Her nails were manicured. She smelled like expensive perfume. "Hi," Jasmine said. "And this must be Maya," Victoria said, turning to Jasmine's daughter. "Your dad talks about you constantly. He says you're an amazing artist." Maya smiled. She was shy, which was weird because Maya wasn't usually shy. "Thanks." Victoria stepped into the apartment like she belonged there. She looked around at the space—the carefully chosen furniture, the soft gray walls, the artwork Jasmine had selected—and nodded like she approved. "This is beautiful," Victoria said. She was still looking around. "You have great taste, Jasmine. The design is really cohesive." "Thanks," Jasmine said. She didn't mention that she'd designed it herself. She didn't mention anything. "I know this is awkward," Victoria said, turning back to both of them. "But I wanted to meet you guys in person. I think it's important that we all get along. I'm not trying to replace you or make things complicated. I just care about Kai, and I want to make sure we're all on the same page." She said it so sincerely. So smoothly. Like she'd practiced it. Kai touched her arm. A casual gesture. But there was something intimate about it. Something that suggested they'd been doing that for a while. Something that suggested there was a whole history between them that Jasmine didn't know about. "Should we get going?" Victoria asked Kai. "I know you have Maya for the weekend." "Yeah," Kai said. He looked at Jasmine like he was checking to see if she was okay. Like he actually cared whether she was okay. She wasn't okay. But she nodded anyway. Maya took her dad's hand. Victoria held the door open. As they walked into the hallway, Victoria paused. She turned back and looked directly at Jasmine. "By the way," Victoria said, "Kai mentioned that you two met seven years ago. That you had a one-night stand that resulted in Maya." Jasmine felt something cold move through her chest. "Yeah," she said carefully. "And you've been co-parenting this whole time?" Victoria asked. She tilted her head slightly. Like she was studying Jasmine. Like she was trying to figure something out. "Yeah." "That's interesting," Victoria said. She was smiling, but there was something underneath the smile. Something sharp. "Seven years is a long time to work so closely with someone you have history with." "We make it work," Jasmine said. "I'm sure you do," Victoria said. "But I'm curious—do you ever think about what would have happened if things had gone differently? If you'd actually stayed together instead of just co-parenting?" The question hung in the air between them. Kai was looking uncomfortable. Maya was looking between the adults like she sensed something was off. "No," Jasmine said. And she meant it. "I don't think about that." "Really?" Victoria asked. "Because if I was in your position, I think I probably would. Seven years is a long time to spend around someone you created a life with." "We created a daughter," Jasmine said. "Not a life together." Victoria's smile widened. "Of course. I just meant—well, never mind. Anyway, we should probably let you get your evening back. It was really nice meeting you, Jasmine." She turned and walked down the hallway. Kai was saying something to Maya. Something about ice cream on the way home. Something normal. But Jasmine was still standing in her doorway, thinking about what Victoria had just said. The way she'd said it. The edge underneath the politeness. Victoria knew. Somehow, Victoria knew that Jasmine had been waiting for Kai. Victoria knew that this wasn't just a simple co-parenting situation. Victoria knew that there was something more there. And Victoria had just made it clear that she was aware of it. Jasmine closed the door and locked it. She walked to the window and watched them on the street below. Kai and Maya and Victoria. Victoria was holding Kai's arm. Not in a casual way. In a way that was deliberate. Territorial. She was marking her territory. Making it clear that Kai was hers. Jasmine turned away from the window. She stood in the middle of her apartment—the apartment she'd designed to impress Kai, that she'd arranged to be close to his place, that existed only because of him—and felt something shift inside her. For seven years, she'd told herself that eventually he would see her. That eventually he would realize what they could be. That eventually her patience would be rewarded. But Victoria wasn't patient. Victoria wasn't waiting. Victoria was here. Victoria was real. Victoria was the girlfriend. And Jasmine was still invisible. She picked up her phone and opened her email. There was a message from a client about a design project. There was a message from her friend Sarah asking about Friday night drinks. And there was a notification from a dating app she'd downloaded months ago and never used. She opened the app. Scrolled through profiles of men she didn't know. Men who weren't Kai. Men who might actually look at her the way she wanted to be looked at. She saw a profile for someone named Devon. Thirty-two years old. Business owner. His photo showed him with a genuine smile. The kind of smile that seemed honest. She swiped right before she could overthink it. Within minutes, there was a match. A message from Devon: "Hi. You seem interesting. Can I buy you a coffee?"