Facing Crossroads

XV – At Home

                                                         Shane

“Thank you so much for doing this, Shane.”

I smiled at Jellaine, noting her tired eyes. “No big deal,” I replied. I looked around her bedroom, the walls had orange-y colors and most of her things were arranged neatly, prettily shoved at each shelves.

“And I’m so sorry if my room’s a bit messy. I haven’t got the time to clean this morning.”

“You room’s fine and neat, Jellaine.” I turned to the lone painting hanging just above her bed frame, catching my attention. “Did you paint that?”

“Oh, I wish.” She walked toward me, clutching the photocopied scripts on her arms. “Theo’s mom painted it. She gave it to me as a birthday present.”

Wow. I was enthralled. “She’s an artist. This is really…” I smiled, drawn to the painting of a woman in black and white escaping a hole where she was trapped, her hand stretched out, fingertips reaching the colorful explosion at the top right corner of the canvass. I was at lost for words.

“Do you paint?” she asked, dropping the papers on the table. I helped her sort it out. After our rehearsal for the stage play, she asked for a favor to help her with some papers and bought extra paints needed for the background effects. We then ended up on her house.

It was my first time to be at a friend’s house after my fall out with Rocky and Sandra.

“I used to,” I mumbled, keeping my hands busy.

“Wow, I didn’t know that.” Jellaine nudged at me, a smile on her lips. “I’ve been so focused on this play that I haven’t got the time to get to know you. Tell me more.”

I looked at her kind eyes, awaiting more. My heart sunk for a moment. I felt myself tensing up. The last time I opened myself and let someone in my life, things didn’t end well. Sandra used me as a scarecrow to people she wanted to play with. She used my father’s image so that nobody would mess up with us. But Jellaine and Sandra were two different people. They were nothing alike. I didn’t even think there was single hate bone on J’s body.

“I don’t know what else to say,” I muttered, finding words what should I tell her about myself.

“Do you like watching movies? Do you like reading? What do you do to pass time?”

“I like movies more than reading.” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat. “There’s nothing much to do at home so sometimes I play with my brother, Alder. And well, I like hanging out with you guys.” I sighed, remembering my argument with my mother. “I don’t really like going home.”

She nodded slowly, trying to understand. “Hmm… You don’t get along with your mom?”

I gently shook my head. “I grow up with my dad. But… you know.”

She said nothing, just waiting for me to open up.

“My mom and dad don’t get along well. I lived with my dad since I was a kid and never seen my mom up until his death. Basically, she’s a stranger to me.”

Jellaine nodded slowly. “Well, it’s hard to live in a house with someone you take as a stranger. I mean, for sure, you’re a stranger to your mother as well.”

A smirk crossed my face. “That’s the thing, she act like she know me so well. Like we’ve been living together my whole life. She promised that everything will return back to normal. I mean, nothing in my life is normal, you know. Not since my father’s death.”

“I’m sorry, Shane,” she said in a low tone. “I’m sorry for your loss. My dad’s gone too, so it’s just me and my mom now.”

“I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

Jellaine smiled, waving her hand, relaxing her back against the wall. “Don’t be sorry, silly. You know what? I felt relief when my father died. Yeah, it sounded cruel and heartless to you but it’s the truth. He had been in dialysis for three years, awaiting a donor for his kidney. He used up all his energy to try to stay with us even though he’s totally hurting and in so much pain. But we couldn’t let him go, you know. One day, he was running a fever and had been vomiting with blood. He told me that he wanted to concede but he couldn’t because we’re not ready to let him go yet. It broke me.”

My breath shook when I sighed, trying to release some tension. I didn’t even know that I was holding it in. I felt her pain so much that my chest heaved for her.

She wiped her tears, shaking her head, as if trying to pull herself out from the drama. “I was relieved when he died because then I know he wasn’t hurting anymore.” She then lightly tapped my arm. “I just wanna let you know that I know you are hurting for your father’s death. And you may take grief differently on how I take it and I understand. But I’m here if you need a friend. We’re all here, all the drama soc fam.”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, J.”

She shrugged, her genuine eyes melting my wall.

“I suddenly feel so fortunate that I almost failed Phil. Lit. or else I don’t think I would ever meet you.”

“Huh, like what old people used to say, everything happens for a reason.”

“Don’t I know that,” I muttered, seeing on her wall clock that it was nearing seven. “I think I should go.”

Jellaine frowned. “Uh- no. You have to eat dinner with us. My mom’s making some roasted chicken and some stuff.”

“I don’t want to impose. Besides, I don’t think your mom would like someone like me as a guest for dinner.”

“What are you saying?” she asked, eyebrows on a furrow.

“You know who my father was. You know what they say about my family.”

She linked her arm on mine, eyes serious. “Your father is your father. It’s not my place to judge. Hey, I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t heard those cruel and stupid rumors at school about you. But if there’s one thing my dad taught me? It’s that we all have a story we would never tell to people. And that I have to respect that. You’re already part of our club, Shane. You’re in my circle now. And whoever’s in my circle is always welcome here at my house. I even let you in my room!” She shook her head, as if I said something so delusional to her ears.

“Thank you,” I replied, leaning my head toward her. “Dang, I wished I had meet you sooner.”

She grinned as she ushered me to the door. “Me too.”

“But I think we meet people when we need to meet them, you know? Like what you said, everything has a reason.”

She chuckled, nodding her head. We went down the stairs and the moment we entered the dining room, the savory smell of roasted chicken hit my nose, making my stomach churned.

Her mom smiled at me and gestured her hand for me to take my seat, instantly talking about how she first come up with the dish. It turned out, it was Jellaine’s favorite.

Just then, my shoulder’s relaxed, my smile more at ease, unpretentious. She surely got her warmth from her mother. They both had this magical ability to make people around them like they belonged. Like they were at home.

Home. I miss home. I miss my dad.