I HAD THE DEVIL'S TWINS

Anne The music pounded in my ears as I stood frozen in the doorway. Brian had his hands in Sienna's hair, pushing her against the bedroom wall. His mouth moved over hers the same way he used to kiss me. Three years. I wasted three years on him. Sienna's eyes opened and she found mine. I saw something flash across her face—maybe guilt, maybe something worse. Then Brian turned around. His face went red when he saw me standing there like a complete fool. "Anne, wait," he started. I didn't wait. I pushed past drunk students and out the door, ignoring the stares. My throat burned but I wouldn't cry. Not here where everyone could watch me fall apart. The cold air outside hit my face hard. I pulled out my phone to call a cab, then changed my mind. I couldn't go home. Everything there reminded me of Brian. His toothbrush. His coffee mug. His clothes in my drawer. I ended up at Crimson Lounge instead, an expensive bar downtown I'd never been able to afford. Tonight I didn't care. I had my emergency credit card and I needed to forget everything. The bartender barely looked at my ID before sliding a drink toward me. I drank it too fast, the burn doing nothing to help the pain in my chest. Another drink appeared without me asking. "Rough night?" A blonde woman in a designer dress smiled at me from the next seat. "Yeah," I said, taking another drink. The room started feeling warm. My head got fuzzy. "Men are trash," she said, raising her glass. "Trust me." We clinked glasses and I drank again. The woman kept talking, but her words blurred together. The warmth in my body got stronger, spreading through me like fire. My skin felt strange, too sensitive. Every touch of fabric sent tingles down my spine. Something was wrong. I blinked hard, but the bar lights seemed too bright. Everything looked slightly blurry. My mouth felt dry even though I'd been drinking. The blonde woman was gone. When did she leave? "Are you okay, miss?" the bartender asked. His voice sounded far away. "I need to lie down," I mumbled, sliding off the stool. My legs barely held me up. I don't remember getting to the elevator. Somehow I had a key card in my hand. The hallway stretched forever, the carpet pattern swimming in my vision. A door opened when I pressed the card against it and I stumbled inside. The room was huge and dark except for city lights coming through the windows. I fell onto the bed, my body burning up. I kicked off my shoes and pulled at my dress, desperate to cool down. That's when I heard it—a door opening, footsteps coming closer. "Who's there?" I tried to say, but my tongue felt thick. A tall figure came out of the shadows. In my drugged haze, my brain filled with what I wanted to see. Brian. It had to be Brian, coming to say he was sorry. "Brian?" I whispered. The man didn't answer. When his hand touched my skin, it felt cold and perfect against the heat. I grabbed onto him without thinking, needing relief from the burning. His body felt different—harder, taller, more solid—but the drugs made everything feel like a dream. His fingers traced down my arm and I shivered. When his lips found mine, they tasted wrong, but I was too far gone to care. I needed to feel wanted after watching Brian choose her. My hands moved over his chest, feeling muscles that seemed bigger than Brian's, but my foggy mind couldn't understand why. He pulled back for a second. Even through the haze, I felt him hesitate. His voice came out low and rough near my ear, but I couldn't make out the words. Then he kissed me again, deeper, and my body responded without permission. When he pushed inside me, sharp pain cut through the fog. I cried out, tears running down my face. This wasn't how I imagined my first time. Not like this—drugged and barely knowing what was happening. "Brian... please," I whimpered, though some part of me knew this felt wrong. This man was too tall, too different. He went completely still above me, his muscles tight. For one second I thought he might stop. Then he pushed deeper, and whatever protest I had dissolved into feelings I couldn't fight. My drugged body betrayed me, responding to touches I didn't want, building toward something I couldn't control. His cold skin pressed against mine as he moved. I heard myself making sounds I didn't recognize. The drugs twisted everything—pain and pleasure blurred together until I couldn't tell them apart. My hands gripped his shoulders, feeling scars under my fingers that Brian didn't have. This isn't Brian, my mind whispered, but my body didn't listen. Time stopped making sense. It could have been minutes or hours. At some point, the burning started to fade, replaced by exhaustion so deep I could barely keep my eyes open. The man's breathing was heavy near my ear, his weight pressing me into the mattress. Then everything went black. When I woke up, sunlight burned through my eyelids. My head pounded like someone was hitting it with a hammer. My mouth tasted like cotton and my whole body ached in ways I'd never felt before. I forced my eyes open and immediately regretted it. The bright room spun around me. This wasn't my apartment. The bed was too big, too expensive. The sheets felt like silk against my bare skin. Bare skin. I sat up fast, clutching the sheet to my chest. My dress was on the floor. My underwear scattered across the carpet. Panic hit me like ice water. What happened? What did I do? I looked around frantically. The suite was empty. No sign of anyone else. Just me and the evidence of what I'd done scattered across an expensive hotel room I couldn't afford. Memories came back in pieces—the bar, the blonde woman, the drinks that made me feel strange. Stumbling into this room. A man in the darkness. Thinking it was Brian. Realizing too late, it wasn't. Oh god. Oh god. I jumped out of bed, ignoring how my legs shook. I grabbed my clothes and put them on with trembling hands. I had to get out of here. I had to leave before whoever he was coming back. The key card was still on the nightstand. I grabbed it and ran for the door, my heart racing. The hallway was empty. I found the elevator and pressed the button over and over until the doors opened. In the elevator mirror, I looked exactly like what I was—a girl who'd made the worst mistake of her life. My makeup was smeared. My hair was a mess. Bruises were already forming on my neck and shoulders. I didn't remember his face. I didn't know his name. I'd lost my virginity to a complete stranger while drugged out of my mind, thinking he was my cheating ex-boyfriend. The elevator doors opened to the lobby and I walked out fast, keeping my head down. The morning doorman didn't even look at me twice. Just another girl doing the walk of shame. Outside, the city was just waking up. I called a cab with shaking hands and climbed in when it arrived. "Where to?" the driver asked. "Just drive," I whispered, then gave him my address. I watched the expensive hotel disappear in the side mirror. I'd never been so grateful to leave a place in my life. Whatever happened last night, whoever that man was, I'd make sure I never saw him again. I just wanted to forget it ever happened.