The Lost Queen

I woke up screaming. I could feel my heart throbbing in my chest, air was dusty in my lungs and weather was chilly around me. I looked down and saw myself sitting on the ground. Beneath me soft but cold moss and dewy grass felt almost unreal but howling somewhere deeper in the woods startled me. I couldn’t understand what’s happening and where I was but somehow pieces of my nightmare started to fall in places. I wanted to scream again but rustling in bushes in front of me made me flinch. I stopped breathing for a moment and sought to understand from where exactly the sound was coming. Trying to calm myself I rubbed my numbed legs and struggled to remember how I got here again. It’s not my first time waking up in the woods in the middle of the night. But this time I can’t be the weird one anymore. It’s the fifth location for which I’m trying to adapt to and it’s not working. Again. I tried so many times to understand what’s wrong with me but every time it’s the same, more prescriptions and more therapy. Fresh rustling sounds snaped me from my thoughts and I looked around one more time. I need to get out from here. It’s too cold and I’m only wearing thin nightdress. Somehow, I ran in to the woods barefooted while sleeping. Maybe next time I need to tie myself to bed so I can finally sleep in peace? While fighting with my fear I somehow managed to stand up and gazed into darkness. Everything around was silent again. I should get moving but something inside stopped me. It was weird and petrifying feeling. I stood still, didn’t dare to breathe, didn’t dare to blink. Silence rang in my ears and I finally saw it. Two glowing eyes stared at me from distance. I heard quiet growling and felt chills coming down my spine. Tears welled in my eyes, and I started shivering. Black wolf stood proudly in front of me, his fur was glowing in the moonlight. It was the only dim light I could see, except those shining gold eyes that bore into my soul. At that moment I felt so alone and weak. I wanted to cry but I was too afraid to move. I just stared at a beautiful beast in front of me and knew that my life was coming to an end. No more moving around country. No more foster families. Finally, I could be at peace. I found strength in me to smile weakly, it didn’t look like the radiant ones but that was the only way I could show my gratitude to the beast and after that I closed my eyes. Waiting. Waiting for pain. Waiting till I could smell my own blood and bathe in it.