Hey Stranger || Jerrie

Chapter 5

Perrie groaned as she was pulled out of her deep slumber by a repetitive noise. She lifted her head off the pillow, blonde hair sticking to her face, when the noise didn't stop. She looked around her room until her eyes finally fell on the source of the noise. It was her cell phone. Her phone was sitting next to her clock, which read 2:57. Who could possibly be calling her at nearly three in the morning? She'd gone out that night with her friends, but they'd called it an early night and everyone had gone home by one.

She was half tempted to ignore it, by the annoying preset ring tone continued to blare, so rather than letting it go to voicemail she answered it without even looking to see who it was that was calling her.

"Hello?" She slurred sleepily in to the speaker as she held the phone to her ear. When there was no response she repeated, "Hello?"

Perrie nearly hung up the phone then, but paused when she heard what sounded like a soft sob on the other end of the line. She took the phone from her ear and glanced down at the screen, nearly blinding her sleepy eyes in the process. She read the name of the caller and immediately brought the phone back up to her ear.

"Jade? Jade, are you okay?" She sat up straight, starting to feel more awake.

"P-Perrie?" Jade spoke between sobs. Perrie could hear the girl breathing heavily. It sounded like she was hyperventilating.

"I'm here Jade, what's wrong?" She spoke with concern, all trace of sleep gone from her voice.

"I, I c-can't. I c-can't b-breathe," Jade struggled to get the words out as she continued to hyperventilate.

Even though she was only hearing Jade, she recognized the symptoms of a panic attack. Back in high school she had been incredibly high strung and obsessed with getting perfect grades. She'd had her own share of panic attacks. Too many in fact.

"Jade listen to me. Listen to my voice. Take deep breaths with me. We're going to breathe in for three seconds then out for five, okay," Perrie kept a soft reassuring voice. She didn't wait for Jade’s response as she started to count. "In. One...two...three...now out. One...two...three...four...five."

Perrie continued with the pattern for several minutes, not stopping until long after she could hear Jade’s breath over the phone becoming more even.

"Okay Jade, I'm going to ask you to do something that always helps me whenever I have a panic attack." Perrie then paused.

"Okay," came the soft response, a response Perrie barely heard.

"You're going to be okay," Perrie assured her, "Sometimes it doesn't seem like it'll be okay, but it will. And one way to show you that is for you to realize that you're here, totally and completely. I know it sounds weird at first, but I promise it helps."

Perrie remembered the first time Jesy taught her this trick. It was their freshman year and Perrie was stressing about her first Orgo test and afraid that she'd fail and that she'd never live up to her dad's ideal version of her. Jesy had talked her down from it though. Growing up the way she had, Jesy was well practiced in staying calm in scary situations.

"I want you to pick three of your senses and try and use them to pick out two things around you," her explanation wasn't great so Perrie decided to use herself as an example. "I can go first. I can see the light under my door because Jesy can't sleep when it's pitch black in the apartment. I can see the shadow of the bookshelf across my room that Leigh-Anne made for me for my birthday. I can hear a fire truck in the distance; I live not far from a firehouse. I can hear your breathing, still steady. I can feel my pillow; it's the perfect thickness, not too soft and not too hard. I can feel the pilling on the shirt I'm wearing; it's an old Georgetown t-shirt that I've washed too many times." She took a deep breath, aware of her own existence more than ever, even as she spoke just as an example. "Does that make sense? I used sight, sound and touch, but you can choose whichever you want."

Perrie paused, waiting for Jade to speak and not wanting to pressure her in to anything. Several long moments later, Jade finally spoke.

"I can smell smoke. I think someone is smoking outside the door. And I can smell sweat. I'm a little sweaty." There was a slight lilt at the end of her sentence that Perrie though sounded promising. "I can hear a door slamming down the hall. I think Karl is looking for me, but he won't come in here until I ask him to. I can hear music. I'm not sure who's playing it. A few of my friends are in the room next to me, celebrating. It must be them."

Another few long moments of silence, Jade finally finished the activity. "I can see my hands. They were shaking a lot before, but they're not so much anymore. I can see the calluses on them; it took me so long to get them. I'm proud of them." Her voice was growing stronger and steadier. "I can see my old guitar on the couch across the room. It has doodles and stickers all over it. It was my favorite guitar. It's old and a bit warped now though. I haven't played it in years."

Perrie listened intently to Jade, trying to imagine Jade sitting there, likely in her childhood bedroom. She wondered if there were posters on the wall, or if her mom had redecorated it once she moved out. She wasn't sure Jade was in her bedroom, but surely that's where she was, it was now just after midnight in California, where else would she be? Why else would she be in a room with her old guitar?

Perrie waited until she was sure that Jade done speaking before she starting talking herself, "That was great Jade. You did a great job," she reassured the girl. It might have seemed like such a little task, but Perrie knew how hard it could be.

"Thank you Perrie," Jade returned, her voice sounding nearly back to normal. "I woke you didn't I? s**t, it's three in the morning there. I'm so sorry. I don't even remember dialing your number. That was so inconsiderate of me to call you. s**t. I'm so sorry." Her words sped up along with her breathing and Perrie could tell she was on the brink of hyperventilating again.

"Jade!" Perrie interrupted her strongly, "Don't you ever apologize to me for calling me when you're in trouble. I'm here for you, okay? No matter what time of day. I never want you to apologize for calling me again. And if this happens, I need you to know that you can call me."

"No one's ever been there for me like this." Jade’s voice soft voice sounded somehow hopeful and broken at the same time. It nearly broke Perrie’s heart. She couldn't imagine how someone so funny and kind as the Jade she knew wouldn't have someone there for her. But she also knew that sometimes family wasn't a built in support. After all, Leigh-Anne had no family to speak of and Jesy now only had Jonathan. Perrie would be there for Jade though.

"I'm here for you Jade."

"Why?"

Perrie took a deep breath, trying to decipher why it was that she felt so invested in Jade, a woman she'd seen one cropped, blurry picture of. A woman whose voice she knew every aspect of, but who's very body she'd never laid eyes on.

"I - I'm not sure," Perrie admitted honestly before clarifying, "I wasn't expecting it, when a stranger picked up my call, but I like you Jade. I like you a lot. I like talking to you about snobby rich people and our awful first kisses. I like hearing your voice. I don't know why I dialed your number five weeks ago, but I'm damn glad I did. Because I care about you. And that's why I'll always be there for you."

"Me too," came Jade’s response. "I mean, I care about you too. Probably too much. I don't know how to do this though. I want to know everything about you. What you sound like when you're hungry and what you're favorite words are. I want to know what you do for holidays. I want to know all those big and little things, but it's hard because you're a voice on the other side of the phone call."

"I don't have to be," Perrie spoke before she had a chance to censor herself. "When you're back in New York, I can take a train up to see you."

"I'm travelling a lot for work right now." Perrie tried not to hear Jade’s statement as a rejection, and Jade assured her it wasn't. "But I want to see you too. I want to make this work."

"This?" Perrie asked.

"I like you a lot Perrie. I don't know what this is, but I know I can't go a day without talking to you.”

“Me neither.” Perrie paused. “But, we don’t have to call it anything right now. We can just keep talking like we are and see where it goes. And once you’re back in New York, then we can go from there?”

“I’d like that.”

Perrie yawned, suddenly aware of how tired she was. She didn’t want to leave Jade though.

“I don’t want to hang up,” Jade seemed to have read Perrie’s mind. “But you must be exhausted and I have to give an appearance with my friends before I can go back to my hotel.”

“You’re not staying with your mom?”

At the mention of her mom, Perrie heard Jade’s breath hitch. It made her realize that it was Jade’s mom that was the source of the panic attack.

“No,” she responded tersely. “I’m here for work so I’m staying in a hotel.”

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought her up.”

“It’s okay,” Jade sighed in to her response. “I’ll call you in the morning, if that’s okay.”

“Definitely okay.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Thanks again Perrie.”

“Of course.”

“Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Jade.”

Perrie hung up the phone after it beeped to tell her that Jade had hung up first. She locked her phone and sat it on her bedside table. She contemplated turning the ringer off, but wanted to be available in case Jade had another panic attack. She was confused about her feelings for Jade. Sure, they had been talking for just over five weeks, but Perrie still felt like there was a lot she didn’t know about the other woman. She knew about her first kiss, but not what her mom did for a living.

She didn’t even know if Jade had any siblings. She knew she cared about Jade, but was having trouble figuring out why she’d felt such a strong connection from the outset. She hoped that Jade would be done traveling for work soon, she wanted to see her in person. Perrie wondered why Jade had to travel so much for work, but Jade had been vague on talking about her career so Perrie didn’t even really know what Jade did for a living.

The blonde snuggled in to her bed and found her brain swimming with even more questions than usual. She was tired though. She would have to work the questions out in the morning. Maybe she would talk to Leigh-Anne and Jesy about them, if they didn’t make fun of her. Or Jonathan, he was always good at listening.

She was just ready to decide on who she was going to talk to when Perrie fell in to a dreamless slumber.